Within Temptation

Beep…Beep…

I reach out with my hand and turn off my alarm clock that was telling me it was 7:00 a.m. I lay my head back on the pillow and look at the sun shining bright through my window. Today was the day. Today was the day I turn 17 years old. I should feel happy and excited like any other normal teenage girl but I wasn’t. I wasn’t because today was not my real birthday. It wasn’t the day I was actually born but found by my adoptive father James Nichols. It wasn’t my birthday but at least I should happy that I even have one in the first place.

“Happy Birthday, sleepyhead.” Cried out James happily coming into my room. He sounded like a little kid for a man been on his mid thirties. I sat down on my bed pulling my hair away from my face as I watch him stand at the end signing to me with a medium size vanilla birthday cake. “Happy Birthday to you…Happy Birthday….” He started to sing completely off key and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Dad.” I said feeling my face heat up in embarrassment. He stop signing and look at me. “Just saying happy birthday is enough for me.” I add honestly.

“Aw. Not fair. You completely ruin the fun out of happy birthday.” He said with a groan of disappointment then shrugged off. “But how am I to argue with the birthday girl in her special day. At least make a wish, it’s tradition.” He add moving closely to me and hold the cake close to my face. I smile at that then look at the 17 candle.

I stare at the small flame for few seconds losing myself gazing at the fire.

“Hayley…you are suppose to blow the candles not let it melt into the cake.” James said pulling me away from the trance I was suddenly under and blink my eyes twice.

“Sorry.” I murmured through my teeth. I close my eyes wishing the same thing I wish every year and blow the candle. My father took frosting from the edge of the cake and slides it on my nose. “Dad…” I whisper whipping it off. He chuckle at that. It was always the same thing for my birthday.

“Did you have a good night sleep? You look kind of tired.” He asked putting the cake on my computer desk.

I shook my head at that. It was true I was kind of tired but mostly because these past few nights I haven’t been able to sleep at all. Every time I tried out I see fire all around me and I wake up breathing hard almost feeling like I was there. It seem like it was a bad dream or a memory of some kind or something. I stare down at my hands at the scar on my right wrist that I have since that day. I’ve always wonder why it had teeth marks and it was cold. It was always cold almost like it was frozen. But James said it was probably because I was so afraid that day that I bite my arm in order not to cry out in pain.

“I am okay, dad.” I said looking straight at him realizing that he now was sitting in front of me with a concern frown on his face. “I am really okay.” I add honestly and he nodded.

“I…I have a present for you. When I first saw it, I thought it will be a good thing to have since I know sometimes its way too hard to remember things even the smallest things in life.” He said holding a present wrapped in a pink paper. It was a medium size box. “Open it.” He instructed after a few seconds of silence with a smile on his face.

I smile at that and open it then open the small white box and found a black leather book with a name plate that said “The Diary of Hayley Nichols.” I open the diary and feel through my fingertips all the blank pages as they flip. I feel speechless all of the sudden. The gift touch my heart in more than one place all at once.

“Thank you, Dad.” I reach out and hug him. “Thank you so much.” I said as I feel a tear roll down my left eye. “It really means a lot.”

“You welcome, sweetie.” He whisper hugging me back on his arms then kiss me on the cheek which was a very common fatherly gesture for him. I pulled back at few seconds later taking my formal position on the bed and clear the tear away from my eye.

“Now get ready because I have your favorite breakfast ready for you downstairs.” He said standing up and walking toward the computer desk and pick up the cake then walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

I breathe out shakily and hug my new diary close to my chest knowing it was the most wonderful thing ever because I could finally write down memories even how I feel.

I step out of my bed and put the diary on the top of my bedside drawer. I look myself in the mirror. I was short about five feet with four inches with long brown hair down my back and dark deep brown eyes. My skin was not pale white but tan soft cream. At least that what James always said, I pass my fingers through my hair and walked toward the bathroom beginning my morning routine like any other normal day.

I let the warm water wash through my hair as I wash away the scent of my strawberries soap off my skin. My hands move to my neck and I stare down at the silver necklaces that I have worn since that day. It was half moon within a sun with a cross right at the center. I’ve always why it was so unique since none of my friends have seen it before either. I shrugged it off and close my eyes letting the water wash my face loving the sensations that send against my skin.

Half an hour later, I walked down the stairs wearing dark blue jeans with a sleeveless white top and black low heels converse sneaker. I stop before stepping into the kitchen when I hear my father talking with someone one the phone about the new software system that was installed on his office computer. My dad is kind of geek on everything he does in life.

I step into the kitchen as he hung up the phone and put a plate full of three pancakes with chocolate chips at my place on the table along with a big glass of milk.

“Office problem, dad?”

“Not really, just Mr. Sanders wanting to know how the new system works.” He said with a smile. “I am going to have to meet with him in a little white. I hope that does not make me the bad guy on your special day.” He added with an apologetic expression on his face.

“Not at all.” I said smiling as I pour syrup on my pancakes and took my first bite loving the taste of it.

“Well….”

“Delicious like always, dad.”

We both smile as we continue to eat our breakfast in silence while I eat my pancakes and my dad read the morning newspaper. It was his most favorite and addictive habit reading the news in the morning.

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Nothing just same old stories every day, listen to this a bear living on the zoo near the old theater gets eaten by another animal.”

“Aw, poor bear. What kind of animal would do something like that?”

“Beats me, because when they found the bear was completely dry to the bone. No blood
what so ever on its system.”

I push my plate away suddenly not feeling hungry anymore. My dad raises his eyebrows at me in confusion.

“I am not going to eat in peace after what you just told me.” I cried out in defense.

“Then I guess I shouldn’t have told you that in the first place knowing how sensitive and caregiver you are when it comes to animals.”

“Remember that next time.”

“I will.”

After my dad left at few minutes later, I lay down on my bed looking in space. What kind of animal sucks blood leaving a poor bear in nothing but bones? I couldn’t help but wonder as I breathe out. All of the sudden I felt a surge of pain coming through my head and I tried my best to ignore it but it wasn’t going away as the minutes pass by. I stand up feeling dizzy and walked to the bathroom. I open the cabinet and took out the bottle of Advil. I took two tablets out and pour water on the cup. I took them then walk back to my bed and lay down once again waiting for the pain to go away. I hate having headaches. I close my eyes and before I even knew it I was sleep.

Flashback as a dream

“Mommy…Mommy…” a little girl crying cover in blood yell over and over in pain but no answer came. No one came. No one ever did. She lay there motionless and look out the window it was dark cold night. She could see the light of the moon reflecting on the street.

But there was something new to this moment, something unexpected.

A sudden fast movement came out of nowhere. The little girl took a deep breath as she hear voices outside the car she was trapped into. Who were they?

“Where is she?” asked angry voice.

“What have you done?” another angry voice in desperation voice said.

“I need her. I want her.” the same first angry voice said yelling once more in frustration.

“You need to get a hold of yourself. Take a look of what you just did. This could bring us trouble big time.” The second angry voice said in a more calmly manner.

Then all of the sudden the atmosphere change as well as the movements around her, an even faster movement than ever before came through the trees sending a hard breeze of air through them.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know.”

She move trying to not make noise and saw two pair of feet with four legs. She peeked over the broken window still on the back seat over the overturned vehicle. Another set of two legs appear at a great distance.

“Evening Gentlemen, Sorry to ruin your fun but meal time is over. This is a private territory.” A cold heartless voice said to the other two.

“Who says?”

“Yeah what gives you the right on telling us what to do?”

A chuckle was heard in amusement. “You will make this a lot easier in yourselves if you leave now rather than stay and die.”

The other two started to laugh like it was highly amusing of what the man just said.

Suddenly there was a cracking sound and one of the men fall to the floor headless. She took a deep breath and cover her mouth feeling tears realizing that were bad guys out there and it was not good.

“Will you like to be next?”

“No, man.”

She tried to take a peak trying to be careful but move back as one of them bent over and a pair of unique shade of grey eyes appears in front of her. Looking right at her hypnotizing her then she felt herself tremble. She felt her skin cold shaking with fear, a fear that was chilling her to the bone.

“Help….me…” she said in a shaky voice not been able to move. “Please help…me…” she said once more feeling dizzy from the loss of blood.

I woke up breathing hard from the dream feeling goose pumps on my skin as the fear came back again. I look around feeling safe in my room and I look at the clock it read 10:30 a.m. on the bedside drawer. I lay my head back on the pillow. It was those eyes. Those eyes and the unique shade of grey that were staring back at me. Someone was there that night, someone safe my life. But who was it? Who was it that safe my life years ago then left me to wonder off for James to find me?

At noon when my dad still hadn’t come back, he called saying it will be a few more hours and if I was okay I said that I was fine. I took this moment to go to town and buy some white roses. I park my car at the usual spot on the cemetery. There was nobody around and it was always quiet. Every day on this day no one came to visit. I took my bag and step out of the car, I walked toward the endless rows and found her. Every year on my birthday I came to the graveyard for two reasons to see if one of the names was familiar to me. To see if they gave some sort of sign on telling me who I am. But I didn’t remember my parents name at all. I came to visit Natalie and her son Austin who was born the same day as me. I wasn’t surprise to find it with a dozen half of roses knowing James was already here and left them.

I put my white roses next to his which I knew were her favorites and sat down on the soft green grass. I look at it like I always did.

Natalie Nichols and Austin Nichols
Mother and son
Born October 15, 1972 Died July 11, 1990
Born July 11, 1990 Died August 11, 1990
You will always be in my heart…

I breathe out and open my bag and pull out my diary. I stare at the cover for a few seconds then open it to blank page and started to write.

Journal Entry 1

August 11, 2010

Have you ever felt like something so precious that belong to you has been taken away for unknown reasons? I have. I have no memory. No memory of ever been nothing but a six year old girl who lost her parents in car wreck cause by some drunken driver. I have no memory of who my parents were or who I really am. All know is this, my name is Hayley…Hayley Nichols and I am 17 years old today. My adopted father name James Nichols found me wondering in the streets and took me in to live with him. His wife Natalie died giving birth to their son name Austin who also died a month later in childbed. I was raise by a stranger who lost everything that mean anything in the world to him but who also gave me the love of a father that I never had. He tried everything he could to help me remember who I am even took me to specialist’s but no luck. It was like the wind of that cold night erases everything away. Everything but one thing, the color of the eyes were grey shade and behind those eyes. That person safe my life even before I was found…..

I stop writing feeling myself loss at words. “I just wish I could remember everything.” I wonder out loud feeling myself shake. I move my hair away from my face as I feel tears. But I hold them back by taking a deep breath and telling myself to calm down. “Everything that happened to me that day but I don’t. I don’t even see my parent’s faces. It’s like it all went away within a blink of an eye.”

“May be it’s for the best.” Said a coldly voice from somewhere behind me making me jump. I slowly turn my head around and found a guy lying against a headstone not too far from me.

He grin at me. I slowly stood up without losing eye contact with him. He was tall with black hair like the night and eyes that were a captivating shade of grey with a hint of blue. He was wearing jeans with a black plaid shirt and black sneakers. His appearance was so god like and beautiful all at once even underneath all his muscles. I couldn’t help but stare. His eyes travel up and down my body like he was searching for something.

“What’s the matter cat caught your tongue?” he asked in a teasing tone with a smirk. I blink my eyes twice and break eye contact. I was staring at him too much even so openly.

“I am sorry I thought I was alone. I didn’t know anyone was in here.”

“Obviously.” He said looking around then look back at me and my skin flinch in surprise by his sudden gaze on me.

“What are you doing here?” I force myself to ask since it was unusual for people to come this day out of all the other days.

“Just visiting some family.” He said straitening his posture looking uncomfortable all of the
sudden.

“Oh. I am sorry.”

His eyes locked on mine so fast that I didn’t have time to react but to stare right back. I couldn’t help but think if I said something wrong since he was looking at me with a cold deadly stare.

“I uhh…”

“Don’t worry about it was a long time ago.”

“Oh. I am still sorry for your loss. It must have been terrible.”

A sudden heart melting smile appears on his face then he drop it still staring at me. Why did he have to stare at me in such way? If looks could kill, his most definitely would.

“Thank you, Hayley.”

“How do you know my name?”

He pointed at me but it wasn’t really at me I suddenly realize. I was holding my diary tightly close against my chest without even realizing it. Still we were in a great distance. How did he even manage to read the cover? I decided to drop it and look back at him. As I started to open my mouth I heard my name been called from the distance. I turn around to look behind me and found myself staring at my best friend Melanie walking toward me.

I turn back to look at him but found myself staring at no one. He wasn’t there anymore. How was that even possible? I didn’t hear anything. Just like I didn’t hear anything when he appear, I look around for some sign of him but he was definitely gone. There was no sign of him at all. It was almost like it all have been in my imagination to begin with, like he was just a non existing person that only existed on my mind. But I knew he was real. He look real. His talk was real. He was really real.

“Hi girl.” Melanie said smiling at me standing next to me.

“Hi.” I said smiling at her feeling myself self conscious. I pick up my bag and put my diary inside along with my pen then I slide the bag over my shoulder.

“What’s wrong? You look like you have seen a ghost or something?” she asks as we started to walk away.

“Didn’t you seen anyone standing there with me?” I ask wanting to know that I wasn’t just seeing things.

“No, I didn’t. Why?”

“Nothing. Never mind.” I said dropping the subject immediately. “I must be seeing things.”

“Like a dead person walking around asking you what are you doing here?” Melanie asked in a scary tone looking around. I suddenly began to laugh. Typical Melanie.

“What book are you doing now?”

“Oh it’s a good one but forget about that now. Today is a special day. Happy Birthday, amiga.” She said happily and hug me tightly on her arms as I return it.

“Thank you.”

“Woohoo let’s go celebrate. We are finally the same age again not to mention we are finally seniors.”

We walk back toward the main gates but I couldn’t help to look back as I feel myself been watch from the distance. Who was he? I couldn’t help but wonder.