Within Temptation

When the last class at the end of the day was finish, I remain in my desk chair as I watch everyone leave the classroom. Mr. Fallows close the door and walked toward his desk without even looking at me. He sit down on this desk chair and breathe out at the same time that I did. he looked up and his eyes met mine instantly. he frowned for a minute then nodded in understanding.

“So...”

“I have the drawing.” I said looking down at it once more hesitating once more then step out of my chair and walked toward him with the paper on my hands. “I...” I started to said nervously but then hold it out for him to take.

He reach toward the paper and took it. He turned it up side down and lay it against his desk.
He looked down at it as I did.

It took me the whole night trying to define myself through art. But instead I draw a colorful portrait of a little girl in a white dress which was me standing in the middle of the road on dark windy night with trees around her looking down the road leading her to her road of freedom. The freedom of wanting to know who she is.

I looked up once more while playing with my folded hands against me nervously.

“I know it’s not what you asked for.” I started to said honestly explaining myself to him. “I know it’s not perfect or even near perfect. But lately I have feeling like I don’t know who I am or where I belong in the first place. I can’t do it.” I added then shook my head feeling the sadness coming over me. But to hold myself together I took a deep breath then let it out slowly then looked at him eye to eye. “I can’t define who I am. I can’t do it because I want to know. I want to know what happened to me. I want to know everything. That little girl...it’s me and she feels lost. I don’t think I can’t give you what you want not until I know the truth myself.” I finished honestly with a shaky voice.

Mr. Fallows looked at me then at the drawing in front of him. “It’s well done, Hayley.” He said in his most honest tone then he looked up at me and half smile at me proudly.

I looked at him confused. I didn’t give him what he wanted at all? “But I...”

“I know you think it’s not what I asked for but what you given me it’s much better.” He said while standing up from his chair and walked toward me. As he stood in front of me he continue “Every year we define ourselves differently. You can’t be something all your life. You change. You start to feel things. You start to want things. You start to define yourself in your way differently why because you are growing up and you want answers to questions. Are you following me, Hayley?” he asked wanting to know as I continue to looked at him in understanding. I nodded my head. He reach over with his hand and pick up my drawing then show it to me. I looked at it in every detail. “The reason why you drew this it’s because you can’t define yourself unless you know who you truly are. Not from someone but from here.” He said pointing at his heart. “I think that this is very good, Hayley. It shows emotion, mystery and most of all suspense. In a good way.” He said with a teasing way.

I feel a tear rolling down my left eye. “Thank you, Mr. Fallows. You have no idea what your words mean to me.”

“You welcome.” He said then put a hand on my shoulder offering comfort then he pulled it away and walked back toward his desk. “Mind if we keep the drawing?” he asked wanting to know.

I nodded my head. “Sure.”

“Thank you.” He said smiling.

“You welcome.”

After a moment of silence, I walked back to my desk chair and pick up my book bag then walked toward the door. “Hayley...”Mr. Fallows voice said stopping me in my tracks as I reach the door knob. I turned myself around to face him. “I look forward for more artworks from you this year.”

I smile as the feeling of happiness coming over my body. “I’ll try my best.” I said honestly then wave at him good bye and walked out of the classroom. This time feeling happy.

While walking toward my car searching for my keys the book bag. A sound from the distance made me stop and looked around. Nothing. It was quiet. I breathe out telling myself not to panic because that seems to be the only thing I could do. Panic. I stood there next to my car while searching for my keys when all of the sudden.

The crow scream at me taking me by surprise that I jump dropping my stuff on the floor as my heart started beating faster. I looked at him as he was again on the top of my car with his eyes set on me.

“Hi bird.” I said to him then pick up my book bag and stand up.

“I have never picture you for animal talker.” A seductive voice said from behind me and I
turned around to find Reed standing there looking at me with his sexy half smile on his face.

“Don’t do that.” I said and then looked around behind him. the only car in the parking lot was mine and a couple of others but no sign of his. “Why are you still here?”

He looked around too then shrugged his shoulders. “I wanted to walk home so I told Daren to take the car.”

I nodded then pulled out the keys from my book bag.

“So are you always like this. Talking to animals, I mean.” He said in a teasing tone along with heart stopping smile.

“No. It just....I....I...” I started to mumbling then stop as I feel cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“It just what?” he asked wanting to know.

“That bird has been following me.” I blurt out without thinking about it first then I realize how crazy I sounded.

He looked from me to the bird and back again.

“He has been following you.”

“Yes.” I said honestly since it was not use in denying it now.

“You do realize that there millions of crows in this world, right. It can’t be the same one every time.”

“But it is.” I said suddenly feeling desperate of wanting him to believe him. Then I stop and took a deep breath to calm myself down.

“Okay.” He said with his arms up feeling defensive all of the sudden. “If you say it is, then it
is. I believe you. But you might want to take another look.” He said pointing behind me.

I frowned in confusion then turned to looked behind me. He was gone. He wasn’t there anymore. How did that happened? Where did he go? I couldn’t help but wonder. I turned myself to face Reed face to face.

“He is gone.”

“Yeah, lucky you, huh. No more stalking mysterious bird following you around.” He said jokingly and I burst out laughing.

I looked at Reed as I did. He looked like he wanted to laugh but at the same time he didn’t. Instead he just stare at me with a unknowing looked on his face. I stop myself from laughing which was something I haven’t done in awhile then smile at me.

“Feeling better?” he asked wanting to know.

I nodded.

“Good, I was getting worry for a second there.” He said teasing me once more while rolling his eyes. I have seen a lot of guys doing that looked and Reed’s sexy stare but no one was able to pulled it off. No one make me feel the way he did. Did that mean that I find Reed appealing or something?

I shook my head as I put my thoughts away. I clear my throat as I suddenly begin to realize the dead silence between us. It was creeping me out.

“I...Will you like a ride home?” I asked wanting to know.

He turned his breath taking grey eyes from looking around to me. Directly into mine. Hypnotizing me. Freezing me on the spot that I couldn’t look at anything else but him.

“No.” he said while looking with a uncertain yet frightened looked on his eyes. It was almost like he wanted me to be afraid of him. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t at all.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t mind...”

“I said no, Hayley.” He said lowering his eyes shielding them from mine.

“Okay, then I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said honestly as turned myself around and press the alarm button of my key chair and open the driver side door of the car. A hand appear pulling it the rest of the way. I looked and Reed was there. How was that possible? I didn’t even hear him move knowing that I should have when I knew there was a safe distance between us. I ignore it for the time being.

“Thank you.” I said honestly then he nodded. I step into my car and he close the door.

“Drive safely.” He said before he close the door and I couldn’t help but wonder why did he mean by that?

I turned the key in the ignition then drove away. I looked at his standing distance figure from the rearview mirror and wonder why did he do that? Why was he so nice and funny one moment then the next turned into a complete different person in the blink of an eye? I breathe out looking away for a second then when I looked back he wasn’t there anymore. He was gone. I breathe out shakily wondering if this was normal? But it wasn’t was it?

That night at 10:15 pm I close the door my bedroom and pick up the brush from my nightstand and brush my hair as I looked myself in the mirror. I was wearing grey shorts with a black sleeveless top. I put the brush down and walked toward my window. I looked up the moon and the diamond stars shinning bright. I smile as I feel the fresh air of the night against my skin coming into my room. As I reach up to close the window, I hesitate for a minute then change my mind. I decided tonight leave it open loving the feeling of it.

I walked toward my bed and move the covers aside then sit down on my bed putting the covers over me. I pick my diary from my nightstand and open it. I pick up the pen from the page of where I finish my last entry and turn to looked at the blank page right next to it.

Journal Entry 3

August 28, 2011

It has been a while since the last I wrote. I have never keep a journal before but I’ll try my best to write everything that I remember down. Lately I have feeling lost and out of place. Like a piece of puzzle about to be broken in tons of pieces. I know that I have to be strong for myself. I have to know who I am. I have to know my past that much I tend to find out. I need to know WHAT happened to me? I deserve to know the truth. Someone today asked me If I have ever find anyone appealing meaning attractive? Sure I have seen cute guys but there is no guy like Reed Burnside? He seem so different not mention beautiful and mouth watering. :) Reed, is like a piece of piece of puzzle like me. One moment he is friendly then the next his guard is up. Does our pieces of puzzles connect somehow? Because sometimes I feel like I know him but I don’t. I don’t know who he is. I don’t know that much about him but not matter how long it take? Not matter where everything might lead to find every piece of puzzle together. I will find it.

I breathe out as I finish writing. I looked down at it once more and wonder if what I wrote even made sense to anyone but it did to me and that’s what is important. I close my diary and close the cap of my pen. I passed my fingertips through the soft leather surface of my diary.

****
I stood there looking down at her as she sleep. She looked so peaceful in her sleep but I knew she was troubled by nightmares. Nightmares that I created and I have to deal with. Her skin glisten from the light of lamp that was turned on beside her bed. I half smile at the sight of the necklaces around her neck. My necklaces. It was a half moon within a sun with a cross right at the center. I reach out slowly and quietly toward the necklaces and lift it up as I ran my fingertips right through it. Then giving up the within temptation that I have always felt every time she was near. I reach out and slowly with the back of my hand touch her cheek. It was so soft and gentle. Almost fragile. I looked down and out of the words that her diary said “Appealing.” Caught my eye the most.

“You have no idea how appealing you are to me, Hayley. You are the temptation that’s within me fighting every bit of it. Taking all of me.” I whisper wanting to confess the truth but at the same feeling relief that she was fast sleep.

She move her head under my touch and I pulled away. I vanished out of thin air. Just like that night. The night that she is fighting so hard to remembered and I to forget. The night where everything began for us.

I stare at her window standing in the big three in front of her house like I have been ever since I came here. I saw her figure walking toward the window looking sleepy. She looked out then looked from side to side and walked away. About five seconds later, the light turned off.

“Good night, Hayley.” I whispering into the night cold air.