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Church On Sunday
...She...
10.06.07- Mum's Birthday.
Dear Journal,
Its my Mum's birthday. Its 4 months since Dad's been gone, too.
She's keeping up the act, laughing and joking, but I know she's lying. I gave her her present. It was a heart locket with me, Jake and Dad's picture in it. I forgot to take Dad's picture out before I gave it to her. Her smile was so fake, I wondered if it hurt her cheeks.
She cries at night. She thinks we cant hear her, but we do. Jake's started sleeping in my bed. He's upset too. He cries cos he misses Dad. I keep saying that he should pretend Dad’s on tour. But he says no, cos after the tour, Dad comes home, but now he wont.
Mum’s screaming in silence. Like the line in one of Dad’s songs. If only he knew.
If he knew what he put us through, he wouldn’t have done this. He wouldn’t find it so easy to leave us- his kids and his wife. But its not us he's thinking about. Its him.
My Uncle Tre.
We kinda had to learn to do things without him, ya know? It’s hard, but Uncle Mike says I gotta be the man now. For my mum. Uncle Mike's been great - taking us to school and soccer practice. He even takes us to the movies, sometimes. We get to stay there and watch movies and stay up late. It’s cool.
Yesterday, Dad called. Him and Tre wanted to take us out after school. I said no. I figured I gotta stay with Mum cos she needs me- I’m her brick of self control, she said.
Jake went though. They bought him all these computer games and candy. He asked why I didn’t wanna see Dad that day. I told him I had homework. He's only a kid, he wouldn’t understand.
I haven’t seen my Dad much. I’m still angry at him. When I do see him, it just hurts. And I cant even look Tre in the face. The first time they picked us up after Dad left, we had a fight. I was screaming and kicking at Tre. I told him all this was his fault. He sorta stays away from me now.
That day, Dad took me out on my own to talk. He told me nothing’s changed except that him and mum weren’t together. That he still loved me and Jake and mum too, but he was with Tre now. I sat there and didn’t say anything. I knew that would hurt him more than me shouting. So he said that he’ll give me some time and he’d be here when I was ready. Kinda like the movies. I’m not buying it.
Then he said that him and mum were gonna be friends, like they were before they got married.
I don’t think so. Mum’s changed alot.
I want the old Mum back. But she's gone now, the real her left when Dad did.
Sometimes I think pod people haven taken my parents. I read this comic and that’s what happened. The pod people ate the humans brains and stuff and took over their bodies, it was totally cool!
I think I had too much candy.
But I think she was happy that I stayed, even though she told me to go. She smiled when I hugged her and went to my room.
***
“Scream at me, until my ears bleed…I’m taking heed, just for you…”
Dear Journal,
Its my Mum's birthday. Its 4 months since Dad's been gone, too.
She's keeping up the act, laughing and joking, but I know she's lying. I gave her her present. It was a heart locket with me, Jake and Dad's picture in it. I forgot to take Dad's picture out before I gave it to her. Her smile was so fake, I wondered if it hurt her cheeks.
She cries at night. She thinks we cant hear her, but we do. Jake's started sleeping in my bed. He's upset too. He cries cos he misses Dad. I keep saying that he should pretend Dad’s on tour. But he says no, cos after the tour, Dad comes home, but now he wont.
Mum’s screaming in silence. Like the line in one of Dad’s songs. If only he knew.
If he knew what he put us through, he wouldn’t have done this. He wouldn’t find it so easy to leave us- his kids and his wife. But its not us he's thinking about. Its him.
My Uncle Tre.
We kinda had to learn to do things without him, ya know? It’s hard, but Uncle Mike says I gotta be the man now. For my mum. Uncle Mike's been great - taking us to school and soccer practice. He even takes us to the movies, sometimes. We get to stay there and watch movies and stay up late. It’s cool.
Yesterday, Dad called. Him and Tre wanted to take us out after school. I said no. I figured I gotta stay with Mum cos she needs me- I’m her brick of self control, she said.
Jake went though. They bought him all these computer games and candy. He asked why I didn’t wanna see Dad that day. I told him I had homework. He's only a kid, he wouldn’t understand.
I haven’t seen my Dad much. I’m still angry at him. When I do see him, it just hurts. And I cant even look Tre in the face. The first time they picked us up after Dad left, we had a fight. I was screaming and kicking at Tre. I told him all this was his fault. He sorta stays away from me now.
That day, Dad took me out on my own to talk. He told me nothing’s changed except that him and mum weren’t together. That he still loved me and Jake and mum too, but he was with Tre now. I sat there and didn’t say anything. I knew that would hurt him more than me shouting. So he said that he’ll give me some time and he’d be here when I was ready. Kinda like the movies. I’m not buying it.
Then he said that him and mum were gonna be friends, like they were before they got married.
I don’t think so. Mum’s changed alot.
I want the old Mum back. But she's gone now, the real her left when Dad did.
Sometimes I think pod people haven taken my parents. I read this comic and that’s what happened. The pod people ate the humans brains and stuff and took over their bodies, it was totally cool!
I think I had too much candy.
But I think she was happy that I stayed, even though she told me to go. She smiled when I hugged her and went to my room.
***
“Scream at me, until my ears bleed…I’m taking heed, just for you…”