Status: I'm gonna keep updating regardlss if you read it or not.
Want.
Stop Destroying Yourself
I woke up first, which was unusual for me. The clock read 9:30. Groaning, I lifted my self from my bunk and made my way towards to kitchen. I stopped at Gerard's bunk, my eyes traveling up and down his whole body as he slept. My heart ached. He was so broken.
I shook my head, as if that would get rid of the heart-wrenching feeling I had, and took another step away from him. I felt something ice cold and almost rusty under my foot. I removed my foot and picked it up from the ground. It was a knife, covered in dried blood.
"Hmm...that's weird. Why would it be nea-" My train of though was cut off as realization punched me right in the chest.
Very careful, as to not wake him, I pulled the covers off his arm. Nausea rolled through my stomach as my eyes fell over fresh cuts.
"N-no. It...no. It has to be from him fighting with Mikey. No..." My mind suddenly went blank and refused to let me think of anything but what I knew had happened. He had cut himself. Those cuts were not from Mikey.
Feeling sicker than I had ever felt, I rushed to the bathroom and threw up everything I had consumed in the last few days. I fell to the floor, the cool tiles soothing on my flushed skin. My mind raced, but I couldn't think. Everything seemed to blur for a moment.
Sighing, I raised myself from the ground, washed my face and rinsed my mouth, and proceeded to the kitchen. I slipped the knife in my back pocket. I'd confront Gerard later.
I managed to shove toast down my throat purely for the show of eating, but my stomach rolled again. I never wanted to eat again.
"Hey, baby," I felt a pair of arms wrap around my slim figure and a kiss being pressed to my cheek.
"'Morning, Gee," I squirmed out of his grip.
I watched him make a pot of coffee for a good 5 minutes. Finally, he sat down across from me.
"It's a good thing I'll drink black coffee, there's no creamer or sugar," He sighed, sipping from the mug.
I smiled, but unconvincingly so. "Should I tell him? Show him the knife? Maybe, bu-"
"Frankie, I'm gonna go walk for a while. I'll be back soon," He called from his bunk. I hadn't even realized he had gotten up.
"Okay, don't get hurt!" I called as the door slammed.
I sat in silence for about a half hour before Mikey woke.
"Hey, Frank," He greeted me
"Hi," I replied.
"Something wrong?" He turned to me.
"N-nope. I'm f-fine," I smiled.
"Bull, what's going on?" Shit. He didn't buy it.
"Seriously Mikes, it's all good," I smiled again.
"Frank," He said threateningly
"Mikey,"
"Don't be sarcastic with me,"
"Shit...alright. I'll tell you, but you cannot, and I mean can not, say anything to anybody. Got it?"
"Yup,"
"It's Gerard, again. I found something near his bunk this morning. Well, actually, I stepped on it," I pulled out the knife from my back pocket and handed it to Mikey.
"W-what's on it? Is that...blood?!" His eyes almost popped out of his head.
"Yeah. And because I'm the over-protective boyfriend, I checked his arm. 13 cuts, Mikey," My voice broke like glass.
"13?! Are you kidding me!? Why does he insist on not only hurting himself, but everybody that loves him?! "
"I don't know, but I don-" I stopped abruptly as I heard the door being open and Gerard walking in.
Without thinking, I practically ran up to Gerard, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him fiercely on the lips. He was shocked at first, but kissed me back eagerly. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, to both his and mine surprise. He kissed back more with more want then he had ever kissed me with.
Slowly, he broke off, smiling like an idiot.
"I missed you, too Frankie," He leaned into my body and rested his head on my shoulder. Keeping my eyes open, I saw Mikey walk in front of me and slip the knife into my front pocket.
I mouthed "Thank you!" To him and he winked as he made his way to his bunk. I pulled away from Gerard.
"Something bothering you, sweetie?" He asked, concern etched on his beautiful face.
"N-no," I stuttered. "Um...I wanna talk to you about something. But later, okay?"
"Sure," He smiled, though his eyes were flooded with fear. He knew I knew, but I wasn't gonna say anything. Not now.
He kissed my cheek and made his way off the bus to smoke.
"You wanna know what's bothering me?" I muttered to no one, but pretended he was still there. "Your destroying yourself. Stop, please. I love you,"
I shook my head, as if that would get rid of the heart-wrenching feeling I had, and took another step away from him. I felt something ice cold and almost rusty under my foot. I removed my foot and picked it up from the ground. It was a knife, covered in dried blood.
"Hmm...that's weird. Why would it be nea-" My train of though was cut off as realization punched me right in the chest.
Very careful, as to not wake him, I pulled the covers off his arm. Nausea rolled through my stomach as my eyes fell over fresh cuts.
"N-no. It...no. It has to be from him fighting with Mikey. No..." My mind suddenly went blank and refused to let me think of anything but what I knew had happened. He had cut himself. Those cuts were not from Mikey.
Feeling sicker than I had ever felt, I rushed to the bathroom and threw up everything I had consumed in the last few days. I fell to the floor, the cool tiles soothing on my flushed skin. My mind raced, but I couldn't think. Everything seemed to blur for a moment.
Sighing, I raised myself from the ground, washed my face and rinsed my mouth, and proceeded to the kitchen. I slipped the knife in my back pocket. I'd confront Gerard later.
I managed to shove toast down my throat purely for the show of eating, but my stomach rolled again. I never wanted to eat again.
"Hey, baby," I felt a pair of arms wrap around my slim figure and a kiss being pressed to my cheek.
"'Morning, Gee," I squirmed out of his grip.
I watched him make a pot of coffee for a good 5 minutes. Finally, he sat down across from me.
"It's a good thing I'll drink black coffee, there's no creamer or sugar," He sighed, sipping from the mug.
I smiled, but unconvincingly so. "Should I tell him? Show him the knife? Maybe, bu-"
"Frankie, I'm gonna go walk for a while. I'll be back soon," He called from his bunk. I hadn't even realized he had gotten up.
"Okay, don't get hurt!" I called as the door slammed.
I sat in silence for about a half hour before Mikey woke.
"Hey, Frank," He greeted me
"Hi," I replied.
"Something wrong?" He turned to me.
"N-nope. I'm f-fine," I smiled.
"Bull, what's going on?" Shit. He didn't buy it.
"Seriously Mikes, it's all good," I smiled again.
"Frank," He said threateningly
"Mikey,"
"Don't be sarcastic with me,"
"Shit...alright. I'll tell you, but you cannot, and I mean can not, say anything to anybody. Got it?"
"Yup,"
"It's Gerard, again. I found something near his bunk this morning. Well, actually, I stepped on it," I pulled out the knife from my back pocket and handed it to Mikey.
"W-what's on it? Is that...blood?!" His eyes almost popped out of his head.
"Yeah. And because I'm the over-protective boyfriend, I checked his arm. 13 cuts, Mikey," My voice broke like glass.
"13?! Are you kidding me!? Why does he insist on not only hurting himself, but everybody that loves him?! "
"I don't know, but I don-" I stopped abruptly as I heard the door being open and Gerard walking in.
Without thinking, I practically ran up to Gerard, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him fiercely on the lips. He was shocked at first, but kissed me back eagerly. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, to both his and mine surprise. He kissed back more with more want then he had ever kissed me with.
Slowly, he broke off, smiling like an idiot.
"I missed you, too Frankie," He leaned into my body and rested his head on my shoulder. Keeping my eyes open, I saw Mikey walk in front of me and slip the knife into my front pocket.
I mouthed "Thank you!" To him and he winked as he made his way to his bunk. I pulled away from Gerard.
"Something bothering you, sweetie?" He asked, concern etched on his beautiful face.
"N-no," I stuttered. "Um...I wanna talk to you about something. But later, okay?"
"Sure," He smiled, though his eyes were flooded with fear. He knew I knew, but I wasn't gonna say anything. Not now.
He kissed my cheek and made his way off the bus to smoke.
"You wanna know what's bothering me?" I muttered to no one, but pretended he was still there. "Your destroying yourself. Stop, please. I love you,"