Status: I'm gonna keep updating regardlss if you read it or not.
Want.
Explode
I wasn't drunk. Or, I didn't feel drunk. I felt...like I wanted to kill myself. Like the world was so terribly ugly and there was no hope for me and that I was gonna become an alcoholic stoner and this band would fall to shit. I wanted my knife to make the pain go away. I needed it and I needed it now.
I rubbed my hair with a towel and walked out with the towel around my waist. I saw Frank and my heart dropped. I groaned inwardly.
He walked up to me and ran a surprisingly cold finger down my spine. "Hi," Oh god.
"F-frankie. We can't, n-not now" I stuttered, pushing him away.
His face fell. "Oh...alright," he mumbled to the ground and walked away.
I ran to my bunk and got changed extremely fast and ran back out to Frank, wrapping my arms around his waist. He smiled widely.
"Sorry," I murmured into his neck, breathing him in.
"Don't be," He breathed in too and I froze. The smell of alcohol was still fresh on me despite the fact I had just taken a shower. He froze too. Damn.
"Gerard...?" His eyes were dark and stern, his hand clenched in angry fists.
"Yeah?" My voice broke so bad, I sounded like a 13 year old boy.
"You...you smell like," He stopped, his hands trembling worse than before.
I could see he was trying to stay calm and not explode at me, but it was what I deserved. But, lying was a natural instinct so that's exactly what I did.
"...Smell like soap, good job, Fankie. Probably because I just got out of the shower, silly," I giggled unconvincingly.
"GERARD!" Fuck. He had snapped. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. YOU SMELL LIKE ALCOHOL YOU FUCKING MORON!" He was breathing heavily now. "Where is it?"
"Where's what?" I asked innocently.
"GERARD FUCKING WAY, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR STASH, GOD DAMMIT!?"
I walked back to the bathroom, hearing his light footsteps close behind me. I pushed the mirror to the side and took out what was now 2 half bottles of Vodka and an empty bottle of Gin.
He snatched them from my hands and threw them to the ground. Glass shattered everywhere and I quickly covered my eyes. I could feel the liquid under my feet. The room smelled of alcohol and soap.
"I can't fucking believe you," He whispered.
I tried to pull him close and make him understand, but he wouldn't have it. "Frank, please just listen to me! You...you have no idea how hard I'm trying. I swear, I really am. But it's so hard to just stop!"
He opened his mouth but Mikey and Ray had just walked up.
"Woah! What happened?" Mikey's eyes got huge.
Frank just walked away and I felt my heart fall to the floor.
"Frank found out I'm still drinking and exploded, and he had every right to explode," I said with a shaky voice.
"You're still drinking?!" Mikey dropped the glass he was picking up.
"Please, don't shout. I'm a fuck up and I know that, okay? Just...just leave me alone," And with that, I ran off the bus and just kept running.
I rubbed my hair with a towel and walked out with the towel around my waist. I saw Frank and my heart dropped. I groaned inwardly.
He walked up to me and ran a surprisingly cold finger down my spine. "Hi," Oh god.
"F-frankie. We can't, n-not now" I stuttered, pushing him away.
His face fell. "Oh...alright," he mumbled to the ground and walked away.
I ran to my bunk and got changed extremely fast and ran back out to Frank, wrapping my arms around his waist. He smiled widely.
"Sorry," I murmured into his neck, breathing him in.
"Don't be," He breathed in too and I froze. The smell of alcohol was still fresh on me despite the fact I had just taken a shower. He froze too. Damn.
"Gerard...?" His eyes were dark and stern, his hand clenched in angry fists.
"Yeah?" My voice broke so bad, I sounded like a 13 year old boy.
"You...you smell like," He stopped, his hands trembling worse than before.
I could see he was trying to stay calm and not explode at me, but it was what I deserved. But, lying was a natural instinct so that's exactly what I did.
"...Smell like soap, good job, Fankie. Probably because I just got out of the shower, silly," I giggled unconvincingly.
"GERARD!" Fuck. He had snapped. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. YOU SMELL LIKE ALCOHOL YOU FUCKING MORON!" He was breathing heavily now. "Where is it?"
"Where's what?" I asked innocently.
"GERARD FUCKING WAY, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR STASH, GOD DAMMIT!?"
I walked back to the bathroom, hearing his light footsteps close behind me. I pushed the mirror to the side and took out what was now 2 half bottles of Vodka and an empty bottle of Gin.
He snatched them from my hands and threw them to the ground. Glass shattered everywhere and I quickly covered my eyes. I could feel the liquid under my feet. The room smelled of alcohol and soap.
"I can't fucking believe you," He whispered.
I tried to pull him close and make him understand, but he wouldn't have it. "Frank, please just listen to me! You...you have no idea how hard I'm trying. I swear, I really am. But it's so hard to just stop!"
He opened his mouth but Mikey and Ray had just walked up.
"Woah! What happened?" Mikey's eyes got huge.
Frank just walked away and I felt my heart fall to the floor.
"Frank found out I'm still drinking and exploded, and he had every right to explode," I said with a shaky voice.
"You're still drinking?!" Mikey dropped the glass he was picking up.
"Please, don't shout. I'm a fuck up and I know that, okay? Just...just leave me alone," And with that, I ran off the bus and just kept running.