Stand A Little Too Tall, Say A Little Too Much

I got up off the bed and didn’t know whether to feel angry or confused. I ended up expressing a few different feelings.
“I-I. You, y-you?” his face changed into different emotions and then settled on a confused expression.
I sat back down on the bed once I’d calmed down.
“Josh, what did you think?” I looked at him and he stuttered out a few letters and didn’t know what to say.
“I’m s-sorry, I just thought…” his voice trailed off.
“I don’t know how you managed to think that I felt the same way Josh.” I looked out the window and nothing was said for a few minutes. Josh’s voice broke the silence and made me jump.
“Look Justine,” he stopped sniffling, “I’m sorry. I don’t know where I got the idea. I thought you felt the same way… I thought I felt something between us.”
“Josh, I hardly know you and you know that. We’ve been friends for a couple of days and you were really nice and friendly when I was with Chloe, but I don’t actually know much about you at all…”
“We could always hang out sometime?”
“Maybe.” I stared back out into the window again.
“I’m sorry. Do you want me to go?”
“It’s up to you. You can sleep here if you want but if you do, you’re sleeping on the floor. There’s a spare mattress in my cupboard you can use.”
“Thankyou Justine. I appreciate it.”
He went over to the cupboard, got out the mattress and laid it out on the floor next to my bed. I slid under the covers and turned myself away from his gaze. I tried to get to sleep but I kept over-thinking what had just happened. I replayed the situation in my head for a while and then heard Josh’s light snores. I grabbed my iPod from under my pillow and played some random music. I lay my head onto the pillow and closed my eyes. Next thing I knew, I was dreaming about Alex.

All of a sudden, I felt someone’s hand press gently on my face.
“Alex?" I asked.
“It’s okay baby girl. I’m here now.” He replied in his amazing deep voice. I imagined his face in my dream and his perfect smile.
His hand stroked my face and moved down to the side of my neck. It was nice to feel his soft skin against mine. I felt him press his lips gently onto the other side of my neck and I let him continue. His hand moved from my neck down to my chest and he kissed me then he started feeling around. I wasn’t too keen on where this was going.
“Alex, are you sure this is a good idea?”
“Definitely. You’ll love it baby, just let me carry on.” He replied in a stern voice.
I let him move his hands downwards towards my pajama bottoms and then Alex’s features started to phase out and his voice turned into a slightly higher pitched but remained quite deep. His voice reminded me of Josh and my blood felt cold. I closed my eyes and then opened them again after a few seconds and everything had changed. I realized that this was real and my eyes grew wide in terror. I closed my eyes in attempt to make the figure change back into Alex. I opened my eyes and nothing happened. Everything started to focus in and Josh devilishly smiled at me. He continued with his hand down further in my Pj’s. I grew cold with terror and didn’t like where this was going at all. Adrenaline pumped through me and I forced Josh off me with as much power as I could and realized I’d pushed him just a bit further than I thought I had.

“You bitch.” I heard Josh mutter.
“What the hell do you think you’re playing at!!” I yelled at him.
“Ha, liked that did you?” Josh sneered at me.
“Get out my house now, creeps aren’t welcome here.”
“I could put money on the table and bet that if your so called ‘boyfriend’ Alex did this to you, you’d let him all over you and you wouldn’t be whining then. Would you? You slut!” he headed towards the front door and waited.
My eyes stung and I felt tears starting to overflow. I grabbed my keys and unlocked the door. Before Josh could see what he’d just done to me, I pushed him out the door and slammed it firmly shut. I fiddled with the keys in the lock and managed to lock the front door before I broke out in tears.

I calmed myself down and grabbed some tissues of the Kleenex box in the kitchen. I opened the living room door and luckily Mum was asleep and didn’t appear to hear any of it. She didn’t seem like she’d been disturbed and was lying in the place she was earlier. I closed the living room door quietly and head upstairs to my bedroom. I didn’t know if I could bear living in that room again, especially after what had just happened.

I walked into my room and put the mattress back into my cupboard. I turned my duvet and pillows over so they were a different colour. I lay back in bed again and closed my eyes before I could think over the events of tonight again. I could feel the tears gathering again and tried as hard as I could to stop them bursting out. As hard as I tried it didn’t work and I gave in and cried a few hours on end. I couldn’t help but replay everything that had happened but the thing that was making me worse was what Josh had said to me spitefully.

“I could put money on the table and bet that if your so called ‘boyfriend’ Alex did this to you, you’d let him all over you and you wouldn’t be whining then. Would you? You slut!” His voice and facial expressions and the phrase he said replayed over and over and over in my mind.

Josh had emotionally and physically hurt me and I didn’t know how to cope with the pain. My heart tightened and another fresh stream of tears emerged from my eyes. I tried to cut off all the pain and cleared my mind and somehow it worked. I imagined sheep jumping over the fence and in my mind I counted them over and over until I fell back into my dream world. My dream world was a much nicer place to be in compared to my life right now. I needed to sleep this off and tackle the issue tomorrow.