Anyone Else But You

Patrick came over to the bunk.

“Jackie? Are you okay?” He asked.

I didn’t say anything. He opened the curtains and sat down. He closed them.
“I love him,” I said.

He looked at me.

“He loves you too,” Patrick said.

“He does? He told me he hated me. He said it to my face,” I said.

I stared at Patrick. Tears filled my eyes. He wiped them away.
“Listen, don’t get upset over him. You have me.”

Before I could say anything, he kissed me again. I pushed him off of me.

“Will you f*cking stop it? I don’t want you. I want Joe!” I yelled.

I burst into tears and got out of the bunk. I rushed out of the bus. On my way out, I walked into Joe. Tears were pouring down my face. I looked at Marissa.

“Marissa, tell your manwhore of a boyfriend to stop hitting on me! He just kissed me again. And Joe, I love you. I really do! Please. Don’t leave me!”

I had to catch my breath. I was hysterically crying. I fell to my knees. My heart was heavy. I was so depressed.

“I hate this! I hate you! I hate me! I’m just going to go kill myself. Goodbye. And good riddance to me,” I cried.

I got up and walked. That’s all I could do.

“Don’t go. Don’t hurt yourself. Please,” Joe said, following me.

“Convince me,” I said, angrily.

I stopped and so did he. We just stared at each other. He pulled me in and kissed me.
“Stay,” He said when we moved apart.

I thought about it for a while. Patrick came out of the bus and came over to us. He grabbed me and kissed me again. I pushed him away and slapped him in the face. I pointed at Marissa.

“She’s your girlfriend! Not me! Leave me alone!” I yelled at him.

“But I don’t want her and she doesn’t want me. I want you and I love you,” He said.

I shook my head no.

“No. Just no. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be going. You are supposed to be faithful to Marissa. You are supposed to love her. Not me. Because those feelings I had for you…they’re just gone. I mean, at first I felt really bad that Joe beat you up, but no. I don’t date guys who hurt my best friend emotionally, and who hurt my boyfriend physically. Don’t tell me you love me again. Absolutely do not kiss me. Just leave me the f*ck alone,” I said, pissed.

I was in tears. Patrick was in tears. Marissa was in tears. Joe was giggling and pointing at Patrick. I nudged him so he would stop. He stopped and sighed. Marissa wiped the tears away from his eyes and tried to hug him. He pushed her away.

“I don’t love you, remember?” He said, his voice cracking because he was about to cry hysterically, “If I can’t be with the person that I want to be with, then there’s absolutely no point in trying anymore. Tell Pete and Andy that this tour, is over. Marissa, our relationship is over. Joe, I can't get mad at you for having someone I want. And Jackie,” he said, “I still love you.”

I took a deep breath. I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“I’m sorry. Patrick. I just…only love you as a friend. You hurt Marissa and Joe. I don’t think I wanna be with someone who has hurt my close friends. I just don’t know what to say or do anymore. I don’t want our friendship to be over. I love it. But seriously. Be realistic now. I just. don’t feel the way I felt about you in high school. Those years are behind us. I’d rather not bring them up again. Joe, Marissa, Patrick, I’m so sorry for whatever I did to you. I love you all, and I just hate seeing people hurt. I can’t take it,” I said.

Every single one of us were crying now. Joe put his arm around me kissed my forehead. He wiped the few tears around his eyes. He wasn’t an emotional guy. Then he wiped the tears from mine. I turned and buried my face in his shirt. I cried my eyes out. He pet my head and held it against his chest.

“Shh…don’ t cry, sweetie. Don’t cry. It’s okay,” He said.

“I just, I don’t know. I just feel like everyone’s taking advantage of me,” I sobbed.

“You? Taking advantage of you? What about me? Huh? What the hell! You want us to feel sorry for you or something? Wow. You seriously need to stop. Now. Okay? Because you’re not the poor little baby that has to be treated like she’s the best. But somehow you always get people to feel sorry for you! I’m f*cking sick of this! Seriously! You know what, I’m leaving. There’s no point in bothering with you d*ckheads. Go die. All three of you. Just die,” Marissa yelled, crying hysterically.

We were all speechless.