Dreams Only Last for a Night.

"What happened Gay-skarth? Your boyfriends finally ditch you?" I sniggered at him from across the lunch room. He looked up at me from his food and narrowed his eyes. God I hate him. He's such a little faggot! Haha, he doesn't even TRY to fit in? He just mopes around in his skinny jeans and dark clothes, with his gay blonde hair, with his earphones in his ears.. It's like as if hes asking to be picked on? He pretty much asks for me to make his life suck.
... That's not really the truth though.
I've never told this to anyone, I've barely even thought about it myself. . Well I try and push it to the back of my mind.
Alex and I were good friends back in middle school. He was cool back then, was friends with all my friends. Then when we came into high school... He changed. He started listening to music a lot, he wore clothes different to the rest of us.. He just kind of drifted from all of us. I tried talking to him and telling him he should be more like is again. But he didnt listen. So I gave up, and let him go his way, and I go mine. He started hanging around with Zack and.. Brian? No no it's Rian. Zack and Rian, who are almost exactly like him.
A while after that he came out of the closet. I had always kind of suspected he was gay, seeing as he had never really shown an interest in girls. At first I didnt really care, I mean I wasn't friends with him or anything. But then, one day i saw him and I dunno, I got this feeling inside me. . Kind of like butterflies, or tingles.. Fuck man, I amnt a faggot ok? I am definitely not a homo. I have a girlfriend whose the hottest cheerleader on the team. No way is Jack Barakat gay.
.. But I still got those tingles. And the only way to get rid of those feelings was to put him down.. Make him feel like a piece of dirt. So I do that. I put him down, and insult him, and pick on him every day. Not gonna lie.. I don't like it. I hate it actually. Alex is a nice guy.. And he never really did anything to deserve the things I say to him. But I can't fucking take those feelings inside me. I am not gay. No way in hell. So I'll do whatever it takes to push those feelings deep down inside of me. And that's that.

I got to Alex's table, where he sat alone finishing off his lunch. He sighed before he spoke.
"Jack, would you ever just fuck off?"
I gave him a warning look, but he remained calm.
"Mind your language Nancy. You'd wanna watch what you say to me."
"Nancy? Hmm, that's a new one. Better than Lucinda I guess." he stood up and began to walk away from me. Hell to the no,
I walked up quickly behind him and gripped my hand on his shoulder and pulled him around to face me.
"Don't walk away from me, faggot. I wasn't done talking to you."
"Please Jack just say what you want to say, and let me get to class."
"I just wanted to tell you that I'm watching you. I saw you eyeing up James the other day in the hall. You better stop that. No one else wants you Alex. No guy in this school, hell in this town is gonna want you. Dont you dare make any of your faggot moves on any of my friends you hear? Nobody wants you Alex. No one. And no ones cares about you here. Do us all a favor and leave?"
He looked down at his empty cardboard plate and his empty bottle on his tray. I saw something that looked like a tear plop onto the blue tray. Perfect..
"Awww is little baby faggot all upset? N'awww the poor baba." I laughed and began to walk away from him. "Your're pathetic Nancy." I called out as I walked away.
I wish it wasnt like that. That was horrible. Fucking horrible. I'm such a dick.
If this is what it takes I guess....