That's Amore

“Alright,” said the tall woman in front of me. She was my algebra teacher, Ms. Anderson. She was beautiful; long brown hair that was stained with streaks of red, brown eyes that were rimmed with long lashes, high cheeks, tan skin, many freckles and a thin, tall frame. I would place her at maybe 25. It was her first year teaching but she had us fooled. We were sure she had been teaching for a longer amount of time. She had this way, her voice was strong and sure, the way she moved her body was confident and elegant. She didn’t bother to tolerate kids who acted up, so no one did. She was gentle and caring to the kids who came to her for help and strict on those who slept or slacked off. She was funny, when she found the opportunity to be, and tried her best to make the class a little more fun. “There will be a test next Wednesday. Make sure you bring any questions you have with you to class tomorrow. Now, who can do number fi—“

“Excuse me,” the class and Ms. Anderson looked at the door and I lowered my head.

“Uncle Emmitt?” I asked. My uncle was my mother’s brother and I was often told that we looked and acted alike. His black hair that matched mine was pushed back from his face, like he had just gotten out of the shower. I had no real doubt he did, actually. My uncle was a music teacher for kids but only after school. He usually spent the day writing his novel. I was honestly surprised he could get up at 10 o’clock in the morning. He usually slept until 12 or 1. He came into the class, closing the wooden door behind him. His lean frame was much like mine. We even dressed alike; jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt covered by a comfortable sweater.

“Sorry to interrupt but I have Emery’s lunch,” he said as he held up a brown paper bag. Ms. Anderson adjusted her stylish black glasses on her face and stared at my uncle expectantly. I could see the annoyance on her face—everyone could. She disliked distractions (well ones that she didn’t provide) and she hated when people came into her class when she was trying to teach. She said that teaching was the only thing the school was made for and if a person was going to come in and interrupt the process, what was the point of teaching at all? The kids around me began to giggle and whisper. They made me stand and grab my lunch from my uncle rudely.

“Emery,” snapped Ms. Anderson. “Do not grab. Do I need to talk to you like I do my 4 year old cousins?” she asked. I looked at her, embarrassed, and shook my head. Ms. Anderson had a very strange way of acting. She believed that respect was something you earned and that many people of my generation seemed to forget that. She said that if we were to be in her class, we would have to treat everyone with respect. We weren’t allowed to chew gum, use phones, iPods, eat food, or do other work. She said that it was a distraction and that it wasn’t paying her the respect that she worked to get. In turn, she treated us with respect. If we asked her for something reasonable she allowed it. No one bothered to take advantage of Ms. Anderson. Every student that walked into her classroom liked her--even the ones that weren’t in her class were treated as though they were important to her. She may have had a strange way of showing it, but she really cared about kids.

I handed my uncle back the lunch bag with a sigh, straightened up, and stared at my uncle. He was maybe six foot four, only three or four inches taller than me. He did the same, finding the whole ordeal a bit ridiculous—I could see it in his casual blue eyes—and smirked. “Hi, Uncle Emmitt,” I muttered. He nodded his hello and looked at Ms. Anderson. “Thank you for my lunch.” He handed me the bag and I quickly walked back to my seat.

“Hi,” my uncle said as he walked over to Ms. Anderson. She raised a slender brown brow at him as he held out his hand. “My name is Emmitt Rausia. I’m Emery’s uncle.” Ms. Anderson stared at his hand before raising her cool eyes to him.

“I’m not deaf, Mr. Rausia. I gathered that piece of information when Emery addressed you as ‘Uncle Emmitt’. You are disrupting my class. I’d appreciate it if you left.” My uncle looked my way and made a face that said ‘Ooh boy, what’s up her butt’. I looked away from my uncle as Ms. Anderson cleared her throat. “Mr. Rausia, now please.” He shrugged and waved good bye to me.

“Oh hey,” he said suddenly, looking at me once more. “Your mom said you’re going to your Aunt Courtney’s house. I have a date or something. I don’t want to go but she’s making me.” Ms. Anderson cleared her throat once more and when he looked at her, her jaw was set and her eyes shot razors at him. He nodded to her in recognition and waved good bye to me. I looked back at her briefly before I hid behind my notebook. Whenever someone was rude or disruptive, they were sent to the board to do the most difficult problem from the homework. Seeing as how I didn’t understand a lot of the homework, that would have been embarrassing.

“Terrance, come do problem number five please.” I looked up at her, wondering why I wasn’t at the board doing the problem and when I caught her eye, she gave me a small smile as if to say ‘there’s one in every family’. I smiled back and looked around at the class, wondering if any of them caught our little conversation with our eyes. When they didn’t, I sighed and checked my homework. A piece of paper hit my forehead and when I looked up, I saw Tiffany Anderson, Ms. Anderson’s little cousin, staring at me. Tiffany looked like her cousin; black hair and brown eyes. Tiffany, however, was shorter (much shorter) and had a very round, childlike face even for a junior. I frowned at her in confusion and she pointed to the paper that was on my desk. I looked down at it, opened the crinkled paper and stared at what she wrote.

“What the heck was your uncle doing here? My cousin looked like she was going to tear off his head.” I couldn’t deny that. She looked like she wanted to rip his throat out. Tiffany and I hung out a lot, even if her cousin was my teacher. Ms. Anderson lived by herself but spent a lot of time alone. She liked to talk to Tiffany, though. I heard from Tiffany that she often calls and checks on her and her family. I scribbled down something on the paper and threw it back to her.

“I don’t know why he was here. It’s not my fault he has no life. She should have cut it off. At least then I wouldn’t have to worry about the things he says. He’s so embarrassing.”

“He needs a girlfriend or a dog or something. He bothers you way too much.”

“You think? He’s too weird. No girl wants him. He just sits at home and writes his books or goes out and teaches little kids how to play the piano or whatever. He needs a life. Speaking of lives, what are we doing today? I’m wicked bored and I don’t want to go home. My mom is being a royal pain in the butt.”

“Since you two think it’s so important to write notes,” said Ms. Anderson, standing over us. I looked up at her, as did Tiffany, and swallowed hard. She didn’t like when we didn’t pay attention. “I’ll see you two after class.” Tiffany groaned and Ms. Anderson cut her a glare. I bit mine back and nodded a little while lowering my eyes. She held her hand out for the note and I slipped it into her fingers. She turned around, the heels on her feet carrying her through the room. Ms. Anderson looked to be about 6 feet on her heels, making her about 5’10 on her flat feet. A piece of paper hit my cheek and I glared at Tiffany, who was spinning back around in her desk. I looked down at the paper and unfolded it stealthily.

“I think we should find your uncle a girlfriend.” I looked at Tiffany, who was glancing back at me.

“Why?” I asked her softly. She was staring at her cousin before she turned her brown eyes to me.

“So he’ll get out of your life and deal with his own.”

“Tiffany, problem number eight please,” Ms. Anderson said. Tiffany groaned again and rose from her seat to walk to the black board. Ms. Anderson glanced at me and when our eyes met, they told me to behave or I’d be sent to the dean.

Class ended and Tiffany and I stood at Ms. Anderson’s desk while she scribbled down an answer for a boy in our class. She walked over to us and stared down at us. She told us she didn’t like when notes were passed in her class and she would let us go that time because it was the first time she caught us. Next time, we wouldn’t be so lucky. I had been thinking about Tiffany’s idea and I swallowed down the fear to choke out the words, “Can you help my uncle find a girlfriend?” Ms. Anderson and her cousin looked at me and I swallowed again.

“It’s just,” I began “he’s so annoying, Ms. Anderson. He’s got no life. It’s pathetic. I think, well Tiffany thinks, that if we got him a girlfriend, we could make him less involved in my life and more interested in his own.” Ms. Anderson sighed and as the next period class walked in, she glared at Tiffany.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She said. “I have a feeling that’s going to be awkward for the three of us if things turn bad.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Tiffany asked.

“Besides my uncle getting married to your cousin?” I asked. Ms. Anderson laughed suddenly. It was a loud, happy laugh that made her seem less threatening.

“I don’t plan on marrying anyone. And I don’t know anything about your uncle.”

“Well,” I said. “He’s twenty five and a half, he writes books, has a few books published, teaches music, plays three instruments, mooches off my mom, had terrible grades in high school, can’t get a woman for his life, sits on his ass and does nothing but mastu-- ”

“Emery!” snapped Ms. Anderson, her cheeks a bright pink. “Don’t talk like that!” I blushed as well, forgetting who I was talking to.

“Sorry, Ms. Anderson, I forgot who I was with for a second.” She sighed and rubbed her forehead.

“I don’t think I’m a good person to deal with your uncle, Emery.”

“Please?” I begged. “He tries to live his life through me. It’s so upsetting.” Ms. Anderson shook her head but looked like she might say yes.

“We’ll see, Emery. We’ll see. Let’s go, fill out the pass so you can be on your way.” She walked around to her desk and handed us the passes before leaving us to our own devices. She quickly signed them and sent us away.

Tiffany and I left her class and when I glanced Tiffany’s way, she was chewing on her lip—an obvious sign she was thinking. She told me we had to start looking for the person that would be willing to date my uncle. I asked her about the date he was going on that night. She rolled her eyes, telling me the woman was probably desperate or my mom was for setting him up. I sighed and nodded. It was the truth and I couldn’t deny it any longer. My uncle was rude, inconsiderate and loud. He had odd habits that would drive anyone crazy. He’d play music for no reason and he would eat all our food. I didn’t blame her for not liking him. I doubted any woman would but we needed to come up with something. Tiffany and I let out a sigh simultaneously and walked into our English class, both of us trying to come up with someone who might pass as a possible suitor for my uncle.



“So will you help him?” I asked Ms. Anderson. She sighed once more while packing up her things. The end of the day had come and the students were shuffling out of the school. Ms. Anderson was packing her books and shrugging on her black pea coat. While she buttoned her jacket, she turned her brown eyes to me and opened her mouth to say something before shutting it again. Letting out a sigh, she looked at me, her eyes inspecting me, before nodding.

“Alright, I guess,” she said as she ushered me out of the room.

“You will?” I exclaimed. She nodded a little while she locked her door. She and I walked toward the front of the school and while we did, she told me that we needed a plan. “Tiffany and I made one up!” I said, handing her a piece of paper. While she read, I explained. “You see, he’s going on a date tonight, but he won’t bring her home; he never does. Anyway, he has three really good friends; Athena, who goes out with his friend other friend Trevor, who is cousins with his other friend Alex. The three of them know him better than anyone else. They’ll know who to pick for him.” Ms. Anderson looked at me and sighed.

“Emery, I’m going to have to tell you something.” I nodded, unsure of what she could possibly need to tell me. “Look,” she said. “This is going to either turn out bad or turn out bad. Either way, this situation will prove to be awkward for you, Tiffany and myself when this is all over.”

“It won’t be awkward!” She raised an eyebrow and I sighed. “Alright, well, it’ll be weird but I’m sure it won’t be awkward. Tiffany and I are sixteen and you are somewhere between 20 and 25. I’m pretty sure the three of us can handle this as adults.” She grinned a little and held out her hand.

“If you promise me you won’t act up in class and hold anything we do to help your uncle against me, I won’t make it awkward.” I smiled and shook her hand heartily.

“No awkwardness coming right up!” I said, making her laugh.

“Are you going to be alright getting home?” I nodded and told her that I would be bringing Tiffany over my house to do homework. Ms. Anderson nodded and fixed the bag on her shoulder. She put her hands in her dark pea coat and moved her hair from her face with a flick of her head. “Emery,” she said. “I’m not sure what we’re going to do.”

“It’s all on the paper! We’re going to go out with Alex, Athena and Trevor. We call Trevor “Archer” so we can call them the “triple A battery”. Anyway, we’re going to find a girl that might be able to date my uncle. Then we’re going to help my uncle stop being such a….imbecile and then we’ll have them go on a date and we’ll make sure it’s a good time and then she’ll date him, he’ll stay out of my life, and I will live happily ever after!”

“This seems a bit selfish, don’t you think?”

“I see it as a win-win situation, Ms. Anderson. All I see is me not having him in my life and him having a girl to occupy his time. No down side!”

“What about the fact that the girl will be falling in love with the man we create and not the man he really is?”

“She’ll learn to love him!” I exclaimed. “He’s….got some redeemable qualities!” I nodded and when she asked me what they were, I shrugged a little while looking away from her. “I can’t think of any right now,” I muttered out of the side of my mouth. Ms. Anderson laughed and shook her head.

“Are we going to meet somewhere?” she asked.

“Today’s Friday so we have the whole weekend to fix him, get him a date by Monday, and get him out of my life by Tuesday. Good! We have a quiz on Wednesday and I can focus more on that!” I said, smiling at her.

“It’s a test,” she corrected with a faint smile. I made a “crap, I forgot” noise and nodded.

“Well, we have a test on Wednesday and I’ll be freaking out on Tuesday. Again, one less thing I can worry about so I can focus on math!” She laughed and shook her head.

“I’ll meet you at the Cab Coffee Shop, okay? Say 10?”

“I’ll gather the troops!” Ms. Anderson nodded and turned away.

“See you tomorrow then, Emery.”

“Wait!” I called out. “Do I get to learn your first name?” She looked at me and grinned.

“We’ll see tomorrow, Emery. Have a good night.” I nodded, letting out a sigh, and waved goodbye to her before looking for Tiffany. Phase one of getting-my-uncle-a-girlfriend-and-out-of-my-life has officially begun.