Dear Ms. Leading
First Fight
Once I finished eating Rob made me go to sleep. He called off the after party at this house so he could be with me and make sure I was okay. He still didn't know everything there was to know about what happened. To be honest the only thing he does know is that I am being stalked. I feel so awful for keeping such a big thing from him but he can't know. I love that he cares about me so much but I am afraid at the same time. He has known me for years but I am still terrified to let him know everything about me. I am terrified of letting the man I love into my life.
I wake up to see him lying in bed on the side of me reading a book. I push myself up and rest my head on his chest. He places his book on the night stand next to him and places his hand on my head. He rubs it gently and hums to himself. "Are you ready to talk?" he squirms under my until he is comfortable. I don't want to answer him. I will never be ready to talk.
"I'm going to take a shower," I move my body but Rob grabs onto the inside of my elbow making me not be able to leave his side.
"Kai, please talk to me. I want to know everything. Why have you kept this from me?" He looks concerned. He cares about me v so much and it kills me. I don't know what to do. He pulls me loser to him so I fall back onto his chest. "Please," he stares into my eyes.
"Just forget about it. You should go home," I sit myself up and then manage to get off of my bed. I head toward the bathroom. I hear him leap off of the bed and run toward me. He places himself in the doorway of the bathroom so I can't get in. "Rob please," I look at the ground instead of him.
"What is your stalker to you? Please Kai, just tell me" he places his fingers under my chin and makes me look at him. Worry is spread across his face. My eyes roll back and my lashes flutter. I close my eyes tightly. He grips both my hands.
"He is an ex lover named Kevin. Not so much a boyfriend, but a lover. He knew I never wanted anything serious but he became too attached to me and he has been stalking me for years," I rock back and forth. "No matter what I do he won't leave me alone. He is the reason I needed you yesterday. He showed up at my house," Rob squeezes my hands. I open my eyes to see him biting the inside of his cheek.
"When did you guys see each other? How long has he been stalking you?" he voice is quiet. I am afraid to answer. He'll do the math easily and know that I cheated on him. He will think I am a lying whore. Lets face it, I am...
"Rob it doesn't matter," I pull my hands away and walk away from him. He grabs onto my arm not letting me escape from him.
"You didn't want anything serious because you already had something serious, am I right?" he voice shows that he he jumping to conclusions and they are probably right. I stay quiet and refuse to look back at him. "I first saw that guy many times when we are out on dates," my body freezes. That sentence gave it away. He knows. "You cheated on me, didn't you?" he releases me.
My body feels like it will give out any second. I grip onto my dresser next to me for support. "Is he the only one? Is he the only one you have cheated on me with? Please just answer me," he is holding back so much anger.
"Rob that has nothing to do with anything," I try to keep myself strong but my voice shakes along with the rest of my body.
Rob snorts to himself. "Well you're a stripper. I met my fucking girlfriend a a strip club after all. Now I am guessing you really like guys and well have cheated on me a lot, am I right?" he pauses as if waiting for a response that I will not dare to give. He starts to laugh and claps his hands together. "This is why you won't marry me I bet. Because you are a filthy slut that cannot settle down with one guy. Oh beautiful," the tears are falling hard. There is no hope in holding them back. "I thought you loved me," he bumps his shoulder into mine as he passes me going straight for the door.
"Rob please don't leave. I do love you. I am just afraid of commitment," I call after him but my tears make it barely understandable.
He stops himself but does not turn around. "So afraid that you commit your body to guys sexual every fucking day of your life. You are so afraid that you let a drunken British man that you did not know bring you home and have sex with you. And then go straight into a what seemed like a serious relationship. But then again you much commit yourself into many relationships with guys all over, huh? Like your new friends Andy and Michael. How committed to them are you? You are not afraid of fucking commitment, your afraid of not having some guy around you to fuck," he laughs to himself again and walks right out of my house.
My body is motionless. I stand in my bedroom just staring at the spot Rob had just been standing. He never raised his voice to me before. This was our first fight and I am afraid I lost him forever.
I wake up to see him lying in bed on the side of me reading a book. I push myself up and rest my head on his chest. He places his book on the night stand next to him and places his hand on my head. He rubs it gently and hums to himself. "Are you ready to talk?" he squirms under my until he is comfortable. I don't want to answer him. I will never be ready to talk.
"I'm going to take a shower," I move my body but Rob grabs onto the inside of my elbow making me not be able to leave his side.
"Kai, please talk to me. I want to know everything. Why have you kept this from me?" He looks concerned. He cares about me v so much and it kills me. I don't know what to do. He pulls me loser to him so I fall back onto his chest. "Please," he stares into my eyes.
"Just forget about it. You should go home," I sit myself up and then manage to get off of my bed. I head toward the bathroom. I hear him leap off of the bed and run toward me. He places himself in the doorway of the bathroom so I can't get in. "Rob please," I look at the ground instead of him.
"What is your stalker to you? Please Kai, just tell me" he places his fingers under my chin and makes me look at him. Worry is spread across his face. My eyes roll back and my lashes flutter. I close my eyes tightly. He grips both my hands.
"He is an ex lover named Kevin. Not so much a boyfriend, but a lover. He knew I never wanted anything serious but he became too attached to me and he has been stalking me for years," I rock back and forth. "No matter what I do he won't leave me alone. He is the reason I needed you yesterday. He showed up at my house," Rob squeezes my hands. I open my eyes to see him biting the inside of his cheek.
"When did you guys see each other? How long has he been stalking you?" he voice is quiet. I am afraid to answer. He'll do the math easily and know that I cheated on him. He will think I am a lying whore. Lets face it, I am...
"Rob it doesn't matter," I pull my hands away and walk away from him. He grabs onto my arm not letting me escape from him.
"You didn't want anything serious because you already had something serious, am I right?" he voice shows that he he jumping to conclusions and they are probably right. I stay quiet and refuse to look back at him. "I first saw that guy many times when we are out on dates," my body freezes. That sentence gave it away. He knows. "You cheated on me, didn't you?" he releases me.
My body feels like it will give out any second. I grip onto my dresser next to me for support. "Is he the only one? Is he the only one you have cheated on me with? Please just answer me," he is holding back so much anger.
"Rob that has nothing to do with anything," I try to keep myself strong but my voice shakes along with the rest of my body.
Rob snorts to himself. "Well you're a stripper. I met my fucking girlfriend a a strip club after all. Now I am guessing you really like guys and well have cheated on me a lot, am I right?" he pauses as if waiting for a response that I will not dare to give. He starts to laugh and claps his hands together. "This is why you won't marry me I bet. Because you are a filthy slut that cannot settle down with one guy. Oh beautiful," the tears are falling hard. There is no hope in holding them back. "I thought you loved me," he bumps his shoulder into mine as he passes me going straight for the door.
"Rob please don't leave. I do love you. I am just afraid of commitment," I call after him but my tears make it barely understandable.
He stops himself but does not turn around. "So afraid that you commit your body to guys sexual every fucking day of your life. You are so afraid that you let a drunken British man that you did not know bring you home and have sex with you. And then go straight into a what seemed like a serious relationship. But then again you much commit yourself into many relationships with guys all over, huh? Like your new friends Andy and Michael. How committed to them are you? You are not afraid of fucking commitment, your afraid of not having some guy around you to fuck," he laughs to himself again and walks right out of my house.
My body is motionless. I stand in my bedroom just staring at the spot Rob had just been standing. He never raised his voice to me before. This was our first fight and I am afraid I lost him forever.