Don't Give Up

I stared back at the girl who was looking at me from the mirror, examining her face. Slightly tanned skin, sea green eyes devoid of emotion, just cut light brown hair that reaches her shoulders. She had on a plain black v-neck shirt, which showed off her HIM necklace, the one with the heartagram, skinny jeans and a studded belt with a belt buckle that resembles a heart and a piece sign merged. She sighed, running a hand through her hair, and turned away, looking at the room behind her.

It was not big or anything, but it was the one place where she spent the most time besides school and her own home. Desk littered with paper, school books, a couple of Arizona cans, books, and a laptop. Next to it a bookshelf with several completed manga series and a few others books, picture frames and some medals. Glass door that lead to the small balcony outside, then the bed covered with stuffed animals and pillows, and finally the dresser covered in various hair goods, money, clothes and random pieces of paper, with the girl standing in front of it.

A noise to the left distracted me and my best friend Hazel came out of the joint bathroom, wiping her face. I put on a fake smile for her, not wanting to show the pain that's inside of me. She was dressed in a dark grey A Day to Remember t-shirt that she got at the first concert we went to together, Warped Tour, black skinny jeans and mismatched purple and red striped socks. Her frizzy dark brown hair was straightened and out of it's usual ponytail, and her sparkling dark brown eyes were lightly rimmed with eyeliner, something that I haven't seen on her since another friend's Sweet Sixteen... Eight months ago.

"Troia and Alex are supposed to be coming in five minutes," I said, referencing to my other best friend and ex boyfriend and grabbing my purse.

"Oh, alright then, we should get going downstairs then," she opened the door and I follow her out, trying not to fall down her slightly steep stairs.

"Oh my God, dude remember on New Year's when you were like drinking every unattended cup lying around and I kept going out to smoke with the guys and kept calling you so you would let us back in?"

"And we got into that small fight about who was more out of it?" She laughed. "And then you were like 'okay if I'm stoned then your drunk! Deal okay I love you' and then you hugged the shit out of me-"

"And when I broke the hug the only thing you said was 'I think I just puked in my mouth'!" I slipped on my battered black high top Converse that I wrote all over and wait impatiently for Hazel to put hers on. "Damn, I'm gonna miss those days..."

"Aw, don't brood over that! Tonight's gonna be hella fun!" She opened the front door and in front of the house there's a shiny black BMW 3-series coupe, windows rolled down with the Ramones blaring. Two blond teenagers were leaning against the side of the car, and when we come out, they run towards us. Well... Me. Then Hazel.

"VIOLET!!" The shorter of the two reached me first and hugged me tight, her head barely reaching my chin. She backed away and my ex came forward, a shy smile on the face I thought was the most amazing on Earth. Alex was slightly taller than me, at about five feet seven inches, medium length blond hair. His light brown eyes sparkled in the late San Francisco sunlight, and he fiddled with the hemp necklace, the same one he wore the first time we met. He was also wearing a black, short sleeve button down shirt and black skinnies with black Vans. Troia, on the other hand, was much more brightly colored than Alex. There was obviously her trademark crazy curly blonde hair, and her almond shaped eyes were rimmed with teal eyeliner, and she was rocking several brightly colored bead necklaces, a plain black t-shirt and the same bottoms as all of us.

"Ready for your party?" Alex asked, opening the door for me.

"The fuck I'm not! I thought that it would be at least for another two years... But hey, my dad got the stupid job with my uncle and I'm going to have to deal with the bitch of a cousin I have..." my voice trailed off, and I buried my face in my hands.

"Don't worry, we'll come visit during breaks, and you can come back over summer!" Troia smiled, starting the engine.

Little Hellions, kids feelin rebellious
Embarrassed their parents still listen to Elvis
They start feelin like prisoners helpless
'til someone comes along on a mission and yells BITCH!!!

We were rapping miserably along to Eminem, laughing as we stumbled over words, when Hazel randomly hands me a blindfold as we get off the Bay Bridge

"Um... Why do I need a blindfold?" I asked, taking it.

"So you won't see where we're taking you," Alex replied from the backseat, a sneaky grin on his face.

"I thought we were going out to dinner!"

"To some extent we are, but just put on the blindfold and then you can beat us up as much as you want if you don't like the surprise, 'kay?" Troia said, patting my head with a laugh.

I put on the blindfold, muttering darkly as Hazel tightened it to make sure that I couldn't see a thing.

Fifteen minutes later the car slowed down, and I knew that we were off the highway as it made regular stops, giving me a hint that we were be somewhere in a city. The only one that came to mind is Berkeley however, and as Troia finally stopped the car, I sighed in relief. Finally, the "top secret destination" would be revealed. Someone opened the car door, taking my hand in theirs so I wouldn't trip, and I realized with a gasp that it's Alex. He steadied me as I almost fell over, taking me by the waist.

"Less than five minutes and you'll get to take that blindfold off Vi," he whispered, his breath warm on my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.

Despite having nothing to guide me except the street noises and Alex, I still got a general idea of where we are. Actually, I had more than a general idea, I was pretty sure I knew where my friends were taking me.

"Come on, just through this door and you can take off the blindfold," Alex said softly, leading me.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S VIOLET!" A familiar voice screamed out, and I tore off the blindfold. Just in time to see a tall figure rushing towards me.

"CLEM!" I hugged him and he lifted me in the air, spinning me around. As we broke apart I looked into my friend's eyes warm chocolate brown eyes, I haven't seen him for a month and a half due to going to different schools and his numerous drug problems. Everything about him was still the way I remember, from his greasy, messy brown hair to his trademark purple skinny jeans; even the smell of Jack Daniels and Mary Jane was still there.

He smiled at me, hugging me one more time before going to the side and letting other people come forward. I get hugged, patted on the back and kissed by friends and people from the bands I came to see every weekend. 924 Gilman Street, where bands like Green Day, Operation Ivy and Rancid found their roots. Greetings are exchanged until there was the sound of a guitar getting tuned, and we looked at the stage, where Alex was standing with his band The Helpless.

"Hey everyone!" He shouted into the microphone, a huge smile on his face. "Thanks for coming out here tonight, it means a lot to us, and I guess most importantly Violet, who's the main reason we're having this party tonight!" He looked at what seemed to be the crowd, but his hazel eyes locked onto mine, and he grinned, pointing to the banner above the stage.

We'll miss you Violet in purple letters on a red background, with silver stars randomly scattered. Tears started to fill my eyes and Hazel noticed this, so she put an arm around me right as Alex strummed the beginning notes to Hippie Hill, the first song he wrote with his band, a song dedicated to me. A song about countless afternoons spent on Hippie Hill smoking the green, people watching, and all the good times we shared.

After a while I was head banging to the music, singing along and laughing, drinking numerous amounts of Mountain Dew and Coca Cola (any kind of drug or alcohol was prohibited, although people sometimes managed to bring in flasks of alcohol, and no one seems to be enforcing the no smoking rule). The room smelled like sweat, smoke and sugary energy drinks, and the air is full of adrenaline, just like a real punk rock club. Sadly, the night had to come to an end, but not before The Hopeless came back on stage and covered my favorite song.

I'm the Son of Rage and Love
The Jesus of Suburbia
From the Bible of None of the Above
On a steady diet of Soda Pop and Ritalin
No one ever Died for my Sins in Hell
As far as I can tell at least the ones I got away with
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a Land of Make Believe
That don't Believe in me

Everyone was singing along with Alex, jumping up and down, pumping their fists in the air and just acting like it was the last song to be played until the end of forever. Alex was looking at me the whole time, making me tear up. Why did our relationship ever have to end? Why the hell do I have to move to the East Coast?At the end of the song, Alex beckoned me on stage, and he helped me up.

"Say something," he whispered to me, handing me the microphone.

"Oh my God guys..." I'm holding the mic between my sweaty hands, and my face is red from embarrassment, never being much of a public speaker. "Holy shit I don't know what to say besides thank you for this AMAZING evening. I definitely won't forget it. Thanks everyone for the amazing memories that you've all given me through the years, and I'll miss you all. I'll come back whenever I can, and we'll throw a kickass party, even more badass than this one! Thank you all for this night, I fucking love you all!"

My little speech was received with screams and cheers, and Alex wrapped his arm around me, kissing my cheek lightly.

***********

An hour and a half later, Hazel, Troia, Alex and I were at Hazel's gorgeous Pacific Heights three bedroom house, her parents having agreed to take Troia and Alex in for the night. My parents were going to pick me up in the morning to begin our trip to Jersey. While we waited for the dreaded hour to come, we were in Hazel's bedroom talking and crying, relieving memories and making promises to keep in touch. Not able to take the tears anymore, I went up to her roof for fresh air, but cried silently as I thought that it would be several months, maybe years, until I got to see them again.

"Vi?" A soft voice asked from behind me.

I turn around and see Alex's silhouette. Despite the dim light, I could still make out his wavy blond hair and his sparkling hazel eyes. He came to sit down next to me, looking at the view of downtown with me.

"It's really pretty..." I said, wiping away my tears.

"It's nothing compared to you..."

I looked at him, shocked. That was the first time that he said anything like that since we broke up...

"You don't mean that."

"Yes I do," he whispered. "Violet, you're one of the most beautiful girls I know-"

"Then why did you break up with me?" I muttered, not harshly, getting up and turning away from him. "You said it was because we went to different schools... But then you transferred to Gateway halfway through the year, how come you didn't get back with me?"

I slightly regret saying that, but he never told me why he broke up with me. I forced the truth out of Hazel because I knew that Alex told her the reason, but Alex always avoided the question whenever I asked him.

"Violet..."

"I know the reason why Alex," I whispered, turning back to him, tears once again filling my eyes. "It was another girl. I don't see why you didn't tell me the truth..." I choked back a sob, and he comes over, wrapping his arms around me. I tried to push him off, but he holds on tight, burying his face in my hair.

"I knew it would break your heart if I told you the real reason..."

"It broke my heart even more knowing you lied to me," I murmured, tears falling down my cheeks.

He didn't say anything, just hugged me ever more tight and kisses my neck. I wiped my cheeks, taking his hand in mine. There was a light breeze that came by, and the next thing I knew we were back inside, stripped down to our underwear on the bed.

***********

The next morning I woke up in Alex's arms, his soft breathing tickling my neck. I glanced over to the alarm, and saw that it was still early, 6:30. Two more hours until I left San Francisco for good...

I thought back to the previous night, what I talked about with Alex after going to bed. How he was sorry that he broke up with me, that he would have gone back to me but he wasn't sure if I wanted him back. That I loved him and he loved me back, that he loved me like no other. If long distance relationships could work out between us. Kisses and caresses were shared, but thinking back I realize that I probably messed up our friendship big time. He's a player, Troia warned me about that, he was probably just saying those things to make me feel good. And if it was actually genuine... Then a long distance relationship would never work out...

I got myself out of his arms, and went to my backpack, tearing out a piece of notebook paper and my favorite purple pen.

Dear Alex,
You're one of the most amazing guys I know, and I really like you, but what we were talking about last night, its not going to work. I'll be living on the East Coast and we'll never see each other, its going to be even worse than when we were first together.
I really like you, but the world is shit... The world changes over time though, so in case when things are different and we still feel the same, maybe something can happen...
Even though I won't be there, I'll still support you with your music, you'll always be a rockstar in my eyes (:
I love you
Vi

I dug through his jean pockets looking for his wallet, and folded the letter up, stuck it in the wallet with the bills, then gathered a change of clothes from the backpack and went out to take a shower.

When my parents arrived with my little brother and sister, the goodbyes weren't tearful, but pain and sadness were the only things present in my friends' eyes. With a final hug to Hazel, I crawled into the back of my dad's SUV, cradling my backpack and iPhone, and waved at my friends even after they're out of sight.

In front of me, Katie, the middle child at eleven years old, was playing with Christofer, only two and a half, laughing and squealing, while Mom and Dad were in the front talking about the new house.

"Fuck..." I whispered. "Fuck it all..."