Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

Someone knocked on the door. I looked up from the book I was reading, but made no move to get off the sofa. I wasn't sure if I should answer the door--after all, this wasn't my apartment. I'd been hiding out at Dawn's for the last week. Today was the first day she'd left me alone. She'd been working from home since I arrived; however, she'd had to go in to the office this morning.

The person knocked again. I decided to ignore it. The visitor was here to see Dawn, and Dawn wasn't here. The person could come back if it was that important.

It was a huge shock when, a second later, the person called my name: "Jordan! I know you're in there. Open the damn door."

I was frozen like a deer in the headlights. It was Matt demanding to be let in. I hadn't talked to him, or anyone else for that matter, since I left. And I didn't intend to start now.

"You can't keep me locked out of my girlfriend's apartment!" Matt said.

Wanna bet? I thought.

There was the unmistakable sound of a key being inserted into the lock.

Fuck! My first instinct was to run. What if he had Brian with him?

And where would I go? I asked myself. The only option was to lock myself in the bathroom or master bedroom.

The door swung open and in stepped Matt. He was alone, which gave me a brief feeling of relief.

"Hi," he said, closing the door softly behind him.

"Hi," I echoed.

There was an awkward silence, then Matt came in and perched on the edge of the squashy armchair that matched the sofa. "So..."

I looked at him with my face pleasantly blank. I really didn't want to do this right now.

Hazel eyes searching my face for even a hint of expression, Matt exhaled loudly. "Jordan, you vanished without a trace and no one has seen or heard from you in a week. We deserve an explanation. He deserves an explanation."

"Zee didn't explain?"

"He said he let something slip and you freaked and ran away."

I clenched my jaw, fighting tears of hurt and anger.

"Do you want to elaborate a bit?" Matt inquired gently.

"Not really."

"Please, Jordan? Work with me here. I have a best friend who is losing his mind with worry and confusion, and I want to help him, but I can't do that unless you talk to me."

"He's losing his mind?" I scoffed bitterly, unable to contain it any longer. "Do you want to know what I've been dealing with for the last week? I've had to live with the knowledge that the man who supposedly loves me so much and can't live without me cheated on me with some fucking groupie slut!" I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "That's what Zee let slip. That my fiancée got a handjob from someone that wasn't me!"

"Zack told you that?" Matt queried.

I nodded. "He said it happened on Halloween, and that Brian hadn't done anything since. But how does he know for sure? He's not with Bri 24/7. None of us are."

Matt ducked his head, running a hand over the lower half of his face.

"Shads?" I hesitated. I was almost scared to ask the question that was on the tip of my tongue.

He wouldn't look at me and when he spoke, his voice was tense. "What?"

I licked my lips and blurted "Did you know?"

That got his attention. He raised his eyes and met my gaze. The anger in those hazel orbs was so intense it almost burned. "I had my suspicions, and I confronted him a few times. He swore he'd never crossed the line."

"So...that last night, when he went to the other bar with Zack and the girls...?"

"He's my best friend, Jordan," Matt said helplessly. "I wasn't going to make him sound guilty until I knew that he was. I actually went to your room the next morning to talk to him about it, but I let it go once I found out you were gone. I didn't see a point in twisting the knife deeper at that time. He already knew he'd screwed up...We all knew he'd screwed up, we just didn't know what he'd done. Well, Zack did, obviously."

"How did you know I was here?"

"Dawn called me the night you showed up. She wanted us to know you were safe and alive and that you hadn't done anything stupid."

I said nothing. I was done. I didn't want to talk anymore. I wanted to be left alone again. The first few days, I'd hated any time I had to spend in solitude. Now, however, I found the solitude to be peaceful.

"We're playing in Long Beach soon," Matt commented. "You should come."

I snorted.

"Jordan." Matt's tone was stern. "You have to talk to him eventually. And he deserves a face to face confrontation. You guys were engaged, for fuck's sake." He stood and headed for the door, but stopped before he was even halfway there. "There's one thing that's been bothering me."

I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

"Zack said you'd already given back the engagement ring before he saw you that morning. Which means you didn't give it back because of what Zack told you."

"Brian and I had a fight when he got back to the room that night. Long story short, he claimed I was overreacting, I accused him of being dishonest and asked him what his problem was." I looked at Matt with fresh tears in my eyes. "He said his problem was me. I threw the ring at him and left."

"Where'd you go?"

"I...walked around for a while," I lied. "Then I went back to our room and slept there. I was on my way to get breakfast when I ran into Zack."

"Come to the show," Matt insisted, going to the door and pulling it open. "If you don't, I'm bringing Brian to you and you guys are talking this through. If the problem can't be solved, at least both of you will have some closure."

And with that, Matt strode out of the apartment.

*****

I hesitated as Dawn and I reached the dressing room. My heart was pounding, my stomach was alive with nerves. The Long Beach show had just ended, and now I was about to take Matt's advice and get some "closure." I hadn't wanted to see Brian before the show, knowing that our personal drama would interfere with his performance, so Dawn had remained out in the audience with me during their set.

"Jordan, it's gonna be okay," Dawn said reassuringly.

I nodded and forced a smile. Dawn only knew half of the problem. It wasn't only Brian that I didn't want to face--Jimmy was in there, too. The memory of our last encounter was enough to make me want to crawl into a hole somewhere and never come out. I had used him, knowing it would hurt him in the end, and there was no excuse for that. None. Not even drinking. I just didn't see how our friendship could survive such a thing.

Dawn opened the door and the guys' voices rose in greeting. Taking a deep breath, I followed her into the room. Johnny noticed me first and silence spread from him to the other four guys and a girl I didn't recognize.

Johnny and Zacky simply seemed uncomfortable. Matt wore an expression of grim approval. Brian stared at me with absolutely no emotion written on his face. And Jimmy wouldn't even look at me.

Dawn caught my eye and grimaced sympathetically. I gave a little shrug. Their reactions weren't altogether unexpected.

Matt eventually cleared his throat. "Yeah, Brian and Jordan need their privacy, so everybody else...get the fuck out."

Jimmy was out of the room in a flash. Matt herded the others toward the door. Zacky grabbed the girl I didn't recognize by the hand and allowed Matt to usher them from the room. The door snapped shut, leaving only Brian and me. There were maybe five feet between us, but it felt like miles.

I hugged myself, unsure of what to say. How was I supposed to confront him with the information Zacky had given me? Would Brian deny it, or would he admit it? Did I really want to hear him say what he'd done? Would he apologize? Would I accept it, or was I here to end it for good?

Brian broke the silence. "I didn't mean what I said in Philly. About you being my problem? I was drunk and acting like an asshole. You had every right to ask me where I was and who I was with. I deserved to have you storm out on me, but..." He raked a hand through his jet-black hair, raising those beautiful brown eyes to my face. "Leaving without a word, without telling anyone where you were going, and refusing to answer your phone and, at the very least, let me know you're alive? Don't you think that's taking it a bit far?"

You forgot to mention the fact that I almost fucked your best friend, I retorted in my head, hating myself. I was still angry with Brian. In fact, I hadn't really wanted to talk to him tonight; however, I knew this was what everyone expected. Coming here and only talking to Jimmy would have led to further issues.

"I woke up and found your engagement ring on the bedside table, and I could only remember bits and pieces of what had happened," Brian continued. "I thought you'd just gone somewhere to cool off. Matt showed up and he was obviously pissed off. He was getting ready to let me have it when Zack came to tell me that you were gone."

I couldn't keep quiet any longer. "And he didn't tell you why I left?"

Brian frowned. "No. I mean, no one knew about the fight."

"I didn't leave because of the fight, Brian. I left because you're a fucking liar! I left because Zack was more honest with me than you've ever been!"

"Jordan." Brian gestured helplessly. "Baby, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Halloween!" I spat venemously. "We were at that club in Baltimore and I found you on the second floor with some half-dressed slut on your lap. Let me take a shot in the dark: the slut on your lap was the same one that gave you a handjob that night. Or was it a different one?"

Brian's mouth was open, almost as if he'd considered interrupting me. His face had drained of color. I lifted my eyebrows in a wordless challenge. If he denied that it ever happened, I was going to scream.

"I'm sorry." His voice was barely above a whisper. "It--"

"Don't say it didn't mean anything!" I interrupted. "Or that it just happened, that you were drunk and she seduced you." I looked at him in hurt and disbelief. "God, Bri, how could you?"

He didn't even attempt to speak. Everything about him emanated guilt. My anger burned anew, white-hot. He hadn't felt guilty until he'd gotten caught. Fucking asshole!

"Were there any others?" I asked.

Brian fidgeted just the slightest amount and he couldn't meet my eyes. That was the only answer I needed. The pain hit like an eighteen wheeler. My eyes stung with tears. I hugged myself more tightly, as if I were holding myself together.

"I should go," I whispered. I turned to the door.

"Wait!" Brian exclaimed. "That's it? You make your decision just like that and I don't even get any input?"

"Input?" I echoed incredulously. "What the hell, Brian? You think you can justify your actions? Maybe you'll promise to never do it again and expect that to be enough. You want me to listen to your input, accept whatever bullshit you use to convince me to stay, and let it go?" I shook my head with a bitter laugh. "I can't do that."

I went to the door, paused, and looked over my shoulder. "You failed. You said you wanted to spend the rest of your life making me happy, and you didn't even manage six months. I guess I'm just not enough for you."

"Jordan!" Brian protested. "We can fix this. I know we can. I love you. Please, give me the chance. Give us the chance."

I rolled my eyes. "Wow. Great speech," I drawled sarcastically. Jerking open the door, I gave him my favorite finger. "Fuck you, Gates." I strode from the room and slammed the door with all of the strength I could muster.

I hadn't even made it to the end of the hallway when Matt appeared in front of me. He caught me by the shoulders, and I fell against him, sobbing into his chest.

"Jordan!" Footsteps announced Brian's arrival. "Jordan, listen--"

"I think you've said enough," Matt cut in, gently shoving me behind him.

"Stay out of this," Brian muttered.

"I've stayed out of it for far too long," Matt replied. "I knew what you were doing. No, I never caught you at it and I could never prove it, but I knew." He shook his head. "That's pretty fucking low, man. She loves you and she gave you everything." He took a step closer to Brian. "Do you remember the promise I made?"

Brian's brow furrowed in confusion. "No."

Matt's smile was utterly mirthless. "I promised you that if you ever hurt her, I'd fuck up your face."

Brian held his hands up in a gesture of placation. "Matt--"

I gasped as Matt's fist connected solidly with Brian's jaw. In another instant, Matt had delivered a right hook to the center of Brian's face. I distinctly heard the muffled snap of breaking cartilage. It made me feel slightly nauseous.

"MATT!"

I was pushed aside as Zacky and Johnny ran forward to grab Matt. The muscular front man immediately gave in, letting his two band mates tug him away from the now bleeding guitarist.

"I'm sorry," I said, not sure exactly who I was apologizing to, and I ran down the hallway, pounding up the stairs and shoving through the crowd to the main exit.

My dreams had been shattered. My life was in ruins. Brian and I could never fix this. We weren't going to get married.

So what do I do now?