Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

Everyone was at Matt's house, "chillin' and grillin'," as Johnny put it. The get-together was celebrating my return to California; however, I was staying out of the limelight. I didn't want the attention. I'd only come because Jimmy had threatened to sit outside the guest room at Dawn's and beg until I said yes. Knowing that he would actually do this, I'd caved.

I'd been back for three days. It felt weird being here. This was no longer home. My haven was now with Lynam in north Alabama, not with Avenged Sevenfold in SoCal.

I sighed and glanced at my cell. There'd been a text from David when I awoke that morning. It had said simply "We love you and miss you. Call if you need us." Reading the words had filled me with a sense of loss, but I'd quickly reminded myself why I'd left that life behind.

My eyes strayed involuntarily to the far side of Matt's deck, where Brian and Zacky were talking with the Berry twins. Brian was laughing at whatever was being said. Hearing that laugh and seeing him so genuinely happy brought a small smile to my own lips.

"Antisocial much?" Matt teased, sitting next to me on one of the two wooden picnic tables. He handed me a drink. "Long Island ice tea, made with love."

I giggled and took a sip. It was really strong. "Damn, Shads!"

"Love, and perhaps a double dose of alcohol," he said with a grin.

"Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?"

Matt's hazel eyes sparkled with amusement. "You caught me." He suddenly grew serious. "Are you okay, Jordan?"

"I wish people would stop asking me that specific question."

"Fine. I'll ask you this one instead: do you really want to be back here?"

I gave him a startled look.

"You're not acting like you want to be here," he said. "Like maybe you miss Alabama so much that Cali's no longer your home. And maybe you miss the Lynam guys so much that we're not enough for you anymore."

"No! Shads, I love it here and I love y'all more than anyone else in the world! It's just..." I bit my lip, wondering how I could possibly explain it. "This isn't the safe place it once was to me, Shads. All I'd ever known in California, in the presence of Avenged, was happiness. Everything was perfect. And then, Brian pulled his shit and broke my heart and this world was filled with nightmares. Alabama, and Lynam, was my escape. Jacob specifically meant comfort and security. There was nothing to remind me of Brian and my pain." I toyed with the straw in my glass. "Being back here is hard."

"But you've got to remember why you're back here," Matt said. "Baby, you're here so that Brian can chase the nightmares away."

My gaze again rested on Brian. He was lighting a cigarette, nodding as Zacky chatted animatedly and gestured with his hands. Brian raised his eyes once the cigarette caught and they met mine. Blushing, I turned back to Matt.

"You two are meant for each other, you know," Matt remarked, having witnessed the brief moment that had just passed between Brian and me. "I wish Bri hadn't been such a dumbass and derailed the future you guys were heading for."

"Me, too."

"You know he just got sidetracked, right? That he let the rumors shape his actions rather than letting his actions shape the rumors? He never stopped loving you, and I don't think he ever imagined his future without you in it."

"Damn it, Shads...you're going to make me cry!"

"That's not me. It's the alcohol."

"Are you implying that I'm an emotional drunk?"

"You're a female, Jordan. You're an emotional person, period."

I smacked his shoulder. "That's a sexist thing to say!"

"Oh, Lord, what did the king of sensitivity say now?" Dawn groaned good-naturedly, approaching with Jimmy and Avery.

Matt flipped her off.

She winked at him. "Maybe later. Now, go play with the other meat heads."

"How come Jimmy gets to stay?" Matt demanded.

"Because I'm not a meat head!" Jimmy retorted proudly.

Grumbling, Matt slid off the table and crossed the deck, joining Brian, Zacky, and the Berry twins. Dawn took Matt's abandoned spot. Jimmy situated himself on my other side, and Avery lowered herself onto the bench.

"We figured we'd rescue you," Dawn explained. "You were looking rather upset."

"It didn't take Einstein to deduce what you guys were discussing," Jimmy said.

I sipped more of the Long Island ice tea. "He was just sharing a few truths with me, that's all. Stuff I probably need to hear, even if it is hard to hear it."

Right then, Johnny emerged from the kitchen via the sliding glass doors. He was in a "Kiss the Cook" apron and a chef's hat and was holding a spatula. "The rest of the meal is done," he announced. "How are those steaks coming?"

The sight of him sent the rest of us into gales of laughter. My mood lightened considerably. While Matt and Brian got the steaks off the grill, the rest of us filed inside, teasing Johnny playfully.

*****

The next day, Brian and I were alone for the first time since I'd gotten back to California. Brian questioned me about Lynam. He wanted to know how we met and what my relationship with each of the guys was. He would never come right out and ask it, but I knew what he really wanted to know was if I'd ever been more than friends with Jacob, David, or Cody.

I casually informed him that Jacob and David were married and, perhaps a bit insensitively, I mentioned that Cody was a slut and that I didn't go for sluts. Brian grimaced slightly before changing the subject.

Late in the evening, we went to Brian's house--the place that had, at one time, been my home. The last time I'd been there was the day Dawn and I had come for all my stuff.

I didn't immediately climb from the car. I was staring through the windshield at the achingly familiar outline of the house. Brian was halfway up the front walk before he realized I wasn't with him.

"Jordan?" He retraced his steps, rounding the front of the car and opening the passenger-side door. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head.

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

A sound that was half laugh and half sob escaped me. "I have." I looked up at him. "I'm scared to go inside. The memories..."

Brian squatted next to the car and took my hands in his. "Baby, I'm right here. I'm with you. There is no need for you to be scared of the memories. It can't hurt. I won't let it."

"I can't stand thinking about how happy we were when now, we're like...this."

"We'll be happy again. Jordan." He stood and tugged me to my feet. "We're going to make it. We're going to be fine. Know how I know?"

"How?"

"Because everything I've ever really wanted, I've gotten." He brought my hands to his mouth and brushed a kiss across my knuckles. "Because every time I visualize my future, you're at my side. Because I absolutely refuse to live the rest of my life without you."

I smiled.

"That's better," he murmured, and leaned down to kiss me.

For a long moment, it felt like before. Brian and me in the driveway, kissing. It could have been any of a number of days before the release of City of Evil, before Brian became Synyster Gates, rock star extraordinaire and the object of a million girls' fantasies.

I gave myself over to it. I relished the happiness that flooded through me, the love and the faint pride that came with knowing Brian was mine. And when his hands dropped to my waist, then lower, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Brian dragged me away from the car, kicking my door shut and somehow managing to stumble up the front walk without ever really breaking the kiss. He unlocked the door and we spilled over the threshold, into the front hallway. Pinkly's toenails clicked on the hardwood floor.

I drew away from Brian, checking to be sure I wasn't about to trample the dog. And the spell was broken.

I stared around the dimly-lit area. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes was so strong that my stomach twisted. Underneath it all was a trace of perfume. It was the scent that Dawn often wore, so I knew it wasn't another sign of infidelity. Still, it brought back memories of that day in Atlanta; Brian's return to the bus and the lingering flowery scent.

"It's been rough without you," Brian said softly, now holding a squirming Pinkly in his arms.

"Have you done anything besides drink and chain-smoke?"

A tiny grin quirked his lips. "I came to Texas to get you back."

I sighed. "Oh, Brian."

"I wasn't lying when I said I can't--won't--live without you."

I faced him. "I'm sorry. I can't stay here. Will you take me back to Dawn's?"

"Of course." He set Pinkly down and led the way back out to his car.

"Bri." I touched his arm as he was about to get in behind the wheel.

"What?"

"I love you. And...it only hurts a little now."

He seemed relieved. "Good." He kissed me again, this one short and sweet. "I love you, too."