It's Almost Easy

When Jimmy came to pick me up, I told him immediately that I had news... and he asked if it could wait until we were at the restaurant... but I decided I would wait until after dinner. We took a walk to nowhere in particular. Once we found a safe place, where we could sit and be alone... I told him. Unsurprisingly, I watched as his gentle concern turned to anxiety... and as gently as I could, I informed him that he may or may not be the father, since I was still sleeping with Johnny at the same time we were seeing each other.

JIMMY

Levi had told me she had news... and knowing her, it had to be big news, especially when she insisted we go somewhere private, to sit down... I was completely unprepared for this, though. Granted, it was never an impossible scenario; she consistently took her birth control, as far as I knew, but since we both preferred to have sex naturally, we usually did not use protection.

I didn't think twice about money being an issue, because being with the band had brought me more than I knew what to do with as it was. No, I was concerned about whether I could give her and a potential child the attention they would need, especially with recording (which I had been working on, so I hadn't gotten to spend as much time with her as usual) and then touring coming up soon.

I also wondered how this would impact Johnny... would he reject her if it turned out that I was the father of her baby? Hell, what if from then on he couldn't stand to look at me, if our friendship dissolved and threatened to split up Avenged Sevenfold? I mean, it would have been one thing to just find out that she and I had been carrying on a roaring love affair for a year and a half, but to simultaneously find out about an illegitimate child... that could be disastrous for any man, and Johnny has a tendency to deeply withdraw when he's upset. I wondered if he'd ever come back after something like that.

Yet, part of me was secretly hoping that Levi's child was my flesh and blood... in my heart I'd vaguely wished for some kind of sign, a tipping point that would bring her into my arms, so we could stop all of this sneaking around, to have some certainty for our future.

When I turned back to look at her, I saw that she was quietly crying, tears streaming down her face as she self-consciously wrapped her hands over her lower stomach... and god, it hurt to see her like that. I took her and set her in my lap, so that I could hold her close, cradling her with my arms and even rocking slightly. No matter what, though, I was willing to sacrifice for her if she needed it... I loved her, and that was that. She meant everything to me now.

JOHNNY

You wouldn't believe how completely blown away I was that night, when she came home... she told me she hadn't been feeling good, and took a pregnancy test... which was positive. I could already see the beginning of a maternal glow about her, even before then, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions. To be honest, though, after the initial shock wore off... I was actually overjoyed – I picked her up in a hug, I had no qualms about being a parent, even with all the ties and entanglements that came with it. I didn't care, I would do it all, even while being a functional member of a busy band.

I hated that I couldn't take care of her very much while in the process of recording, but at the very least I helped make her comfortable whenever we were home together, and took her to her appointments to monitor her health and the progress of her pregnancy. Her mood swings, her cravings, her decreased energy, I weathered it all... 'til death do us part, right? I'd made a commitment and intended to stick to it, even with such an unexpected life change coming at us with what probably could not have been worse timing. I even thought she got lovelier, as maternity made her seem more and more radiant even when her mood was dragging low... to an extent she was also sexier, I watched her breasts swell from their normal B cup into full C's, her hips grew wider, and her butt – already quite shapely as it was – became fuller and rounder.

I felt like the luckiest man on earth to have Levi as my wife, and I couldn't wait to meet our child.

LEVI

I still saw Jimmy throughout my pregnancy... but there was an understandably major change in our interaction. It was by no means any less loving, but there was less lovemaking – yes, we still had sex, but not nearly as often – and more sharing a pivotal period in our lives. He still met me at the door - in fact, he insisted - and sometimes, would just stand with me, and hold our hands together over my womb. I'd hear him sigh softly, he would kiss my temple, I would feel his heart beating... he'd even carry me to the couch, or better yet, to bed. Tenderly, he would lay me down, prop me up with pillows, and lay by my side... often, he would gently rub and caress my abdomen, or kiss it as he talked and sang softly for the baby.

I could tell Jimmy had found a purpose in his life, something to keep him steady even when he felt at his most adrift. He regretted that he couldn't accompany me to my check ups, since Johnny tended to take care of that with me, and we didn't want to arouse suspicion... but we both knew that my husband, at least, would do everything in his power to delay touring until after the birth, and Jimmy intended to be there no matter what it took, even if at this point he was still unsure if this child was his.

One way or another, there was no denying the look of awe on his face the first time he felt the baby kick against his hand. His eyes lit up, he smiled, blushed... of course when he sought to feel another, the little one inside me got performance anxiety and shied, it seemed. It was strange that he seemed just as anxious about potential fatherhood as Johnny was... but then, James Sullivan always was a little strange, and that's part of why I'd fallen in love with him.

I ended up going into labor on the afternoon of March 3rd, luckily I did not have a client that day. I was a couple of weeks ahead of my due date, my doctor had told me that she anticipated I would deliver around St. Patrick's Day, but obviously the baby had other ideas. My friend and co-worker, Atrum, took me to the hospital – such a doll, she didn't even care that my water broke all over her passenger side, even though I was completely embarrassed (“Eh, that seat has seen worse,” she told me). I asked her to call Johnny when we arrived... little did I know, Saarni – our other friend/coworker – called Jimmy with the same news.

Something was going to give.

JOHNNY

I was in the process of recording the bass lines in the studio that day. Jimmy had already laid down some drum tracks and took a personal day, so it was Matt, Brian, Zack, and me, with a couple of the producers and techs. In the middle of playing some heavy lines, I felt my cell phone buzz in my pocket. I stopped playing so I could answer... I don't get a lot of calls to my phone at this hour, and I already told the guys that I anticipated Levi going into labor soon, so if I answered my cell and then had to run, that's why.

I looked at the caller ID, and it was Atrum, Levi's colleague. I'd met her a few times, she tended to be the most outgoing one at the studio, greeting and talking to visitors and customers at the front if she wasn't too busy.

“Hello?”

“Yo Johnny,” she said, “your wifey is getting ready to push a tiny person out of her vajayjay here soon, so you might want to get your gnome ass to the hospital, pronto.”

If anyone else had said that to me, I would have thought they were drunk, but Atrum tended to be somewhere between frank and hilarious like that, so I laughed, “Alright, let her know I'll be there as soon as I possibly can, and tell her I love her.”

“Aye aye, Captain.”

I hung up, put my bass aside, and gathered my stuff up as I filled the guys in on what was happening, then left as fast as my legs – and car – would carry me. I even got the bags we'd packed for just this occasion, since we figured that we would be at the hospital for a few days or so.

JIMMY

On March 3rd, I had actually made plans to take Levi out to dinner... she was disappointed that she had to cut back on so many of her favorite foods, including sushi and chocolate, so I'd planned to take her out to this little Caribbean place that I'd heard served excellent jerk chicken. I had just stepped out of the shower – almost literally, I mean I had just wrapped the towel around myself to dry off – when the phone rang. The caller ID showed it originating from the tattoo studio that Levi worked at, I figured it was probably important... in fact, I sort of knew why I was being contacted, even before I heard Saarni speak a word.

“Jimmy here, what's up?”

Saarni spoke with her light Texas accent, “Atrum just took Levi to the hospital, she's gone into labor and probably needs your company.”

“What!?” I was honestly shocked for a moment, despite that I knew it would happen soon, “Okay, thanks for telling me.”

“No problem, I figured you'd want to be there for the birth of your child.”

Your child. She said it almost with certainty... certainty I completely lacked at the time. I took a deep breath, “I'm on my way.”

I hung up, then threw on a shirt, some pants, my shoes, a jacket, my hair wasn't even dry yet... my clothes clung to my body, rather uncomfortably, and I left in a hurry.

When I arrived, I checked in as her guest... I wanted so badly to be put down as “family”, but I refrained. I was told to wait in the lobby, which frustrated me, because I felt like I should have been in the delivery room with her. Then... maybe five minutes after I arrived and sat down, Johnny came in and checked in at the front desk... and we met eyes. I didn't blame him for being surprised to see me there... but I felt myself frozen, in my mind I was screaming a string of obscenities. I was sure I would be in deep shit soon.

“Hey Rev... what're you doing here?” he asked.

“I'm... here for... Levi...”

I saw it – he furrowed his brow, I could feel that he was suspicious, wary of my motives... he didn't know why I would be here for his wife, although he may have then given me the benefit of the doubt since I was her best friend since long before any of the others knew her, including him.

“Mr. Seward?” A nurse inquired, breaking the tense moment, “Come with me, your wife is asking for you... and, do you know who this James Owen Sullivan is?”

I turned around and looked, “That's me, ma'am.”

“What's your relation?”

“I'm... her best friend. I, erm... well, would I be able to see her too?”

Johnny spoke up, to my surprise, “Let him come with me? He's a very close family friend.”

The nurse looked to me, then to Johnny, looking a bit quizzical, but waved us to come with her.... then she asked one of the doctors, and came back to me, “Mr. Sullivan, you may have to stay just outside the delivery room, actually. Protocol says only immediate family is allowed in with the patient at this time.”

I opened my mouth to object, but then decided against it. I figured I would rather not risk getting kicked out, so I sat just outside the door in a chair, listening for anything I could, waiting for that moment when I could come in and see the woman I loved... and I probably wouldn't see her until after she was already holding her newborn in her arms. In my heart I was weeping... because if in fact I was the father... I would have missed the birth of our child... this major event and I couldn't be there for it because of the fucking hospital regulations.

It turned out I would be waiting there for hours, several long hours... I fell asleep at some point. Then, finally, at about four in the morning, I was gently roused from sleep by a different nurse.

“Are you James?”

I looked at her and yawned, “Yes, I'm James...”

She smiled at me, “You can come in now. Mrs. Seward has requested your company.”

LEVI

I gave birth to my daughter, Harper Victoria, at 3:19am on the 4th of March; she weighed 6 lbs, 5 oz, and although she did cry some, she calmed down quickly once she was in my arms. She had warm, light olive skin and dark hair, and the brief moment she opened her eyes, I saw they were a pale, sea foam green... they almost looked like Zacky's, but with more blue. Johnny fell in love with her, I could tell... but there was also a curious look in his eye... he seemed... puzzled. I didn't blame him... she had none of his features.

When Jimmy came in, though... I knew. Little Harper looked so much like him, the perfect little cupid's bow of her lip being a dead giveaway, but she also had his nose, and the blue of her eyes certainly didn't come from me. At that moment, I knew Johnny saw it too... I saw his face go from joy, to curiosity, then to a whole host of emotions that ranged from sadness, to shock, perhaps even anger, and disappointment.

“I... think I should leave for a moment...” he said, his disposition suggesting that he was very distraught - Jimmy could see it as well as I could - and he left the room, his lips pursed tightly.

I looked back at my daughter, who slept soundly, then whispered, “Jimmy... come here...”

He obeyed and sat in the chair next to my hospital bed, but the moment he saw this tiny baby girl, he lit up – I swore then that I thought his heart would swell to bursting. The man was absolutely smitten.

“She looks just like you,” I told him, ever so proud, “She has your mouth, and your nose too~”

“May I?” Jimmy asked, cautious yet eager to hold Harper.

I smiled at him, “Of course... just make sure you support her head...”

As I handed over our infant daughter, Jimmy turned to jelly... he was so tender with her, her tiny body fit neatly across his forearm, and still with a bit of room to spare. There was little room for doubt left – he was a father, he held his flesh and blood... you could say that she was his real life, little piece of heaven. I even saw a tear roll down his cheek... right before we shared a kiss.

JIMMY

I couldn't believe it. As I held Harper, I took one look at her and knew she was my daughter. Tears of joy spilled out of my eyes, however tinged with guilt because I wasn't there for the moment when she arrived in the world.

When I looked back at Levi, she, too, had fallen asleep... with that soft smile she tended to have when she was content. Exhausted though she was, she was just as beautiful as the day I'd met her... she had just moved to Huntington Beach, a shrinking violet at first, but I couldn't resist saying hello to her... what with her long, curly hair, her bright green eyes that so starkly contrasted against her naturally bronze skin.

I gave Harper the gentlest kiss I could, on her forehead. She stirred for only a moment before I handed her to the maternity nurse... so that I could go find Johnny. Now, I thought, was a good a time as any to confront him and be honest. I found him outside in the smoking gazebo, doubled over where he sat on the wooden bench, cigarette between his fingers. I noticed a small pile of butts at his feet, one of which was still smoldering... he had been chain smoking. He only did that when he was extremely upset or stressed, and really, who could blame him?

I approached cautiously, “Johnny, I...”

He jerked to attention, his eyes swollen, bloodshot, narrow as I could feel the sense of betrayal in the way he looked at me. It shut me up instantly.

JOHNNY

In that moment, I truly hated Jimmy, with every fiber of my being.

“You fucking asshole,” I hissed, “how did you ever live with yourself?”

All this time, who knows how long he'd been fucking around with Levi... my wife. I had a feeling that is had started with that fight we had almost two years ago... but I, in my blissful ignorance, had never bothered to question why, afterward, Levi had been suddenly so attentive toward me. In that moment, back in the hospital, I realized that it had been her cover-up for an affair with my best friend.

“That child she had in her arms was not mine,” I snarled at him, stamping out my cigarette, “and you saw it too. I saw the look on your face.”

He shifted in place, he had trouble looking me in the eye. Jimmy tended not to be very good at lying, so he often opted to keep quiet.

“You've done some fucked up shit before, but this is a new low for you...”

I felt my voice and fists shaking as I tried to keep my composure. It was the hardest test of will in my life, I honestly wanted nothing more than to tear him limb from limb, maybe even rip his balls off while I was at it... but I didn't. The half-empty pack of Marlboro Reds in my hand – which I had just bought not an hour ago – crumpled in my grip. I wanted to light up another one, so badly.

Finally, he spoke, “Johnny... I know that I fucked up, big time. I feel like shit, because I knew better than to fuck around with Levi, knowing she's your wife. I will be the first to admit that I had been thinking with my dick instead of my brain.”

“Yeah,” I muttered as I lit up my seventh cigarette, “for what? A year and a half, almost two years? Some remorse you have...”

He told me, “Listen to me... I know Levi, and I know you. I think we all knew that your marriage was on the wrong track even before she even thought to suggest it.”

I looked back up at him, “...and you took it upon yourself to make sure to destroy it?”

“I wouldn't dream of it.”

“Funny how it seems you're doing just that.”

JIMMY

My patience was wearing thin, but I was determined to keep my cool.

“The reason I introduced you and Levi... was because I loved her.”

I saw him pause in shock, “What? The fuck kind of sense does that make? Why didn't you just fuckin' date her and leave me out of it, to save us all the misery?”

Fire built up in me as I spoke, “Because I... didn't think she loved me like that. I knew she loved me as a best friend, I mean... she trusted me with some pretty deep secrets. That night, after she came to my house following your fight... we had some plum wine, maybe two glasses at most, and... we both confessed to each other. I don't mean to go into any gory detail but... one thing led to another, but instead of coming forward, we kept seeing each other behind your back. For that, I'm deeply sorry.”

Johnny went stone silent. I saw his eyes glaze over as he absorbed this information, and then, what he said next surprised the hell out of me.

“I knew it.”

“You... knew? How? Why didn't you say something?”

He sighed deeply, “I knew that she loved you. I knew that you loved her... all along... but I didn't want to admit it, because she made me happy. I was selfish, and scared of losing her. I saw the way she looked at you sometimes... I saw the way you looked at her, too. I was jealous, I thought that one day she would see that you were a much better match for her... because let's face it, you really are. I tried in vain to change her mind, but, of course, I knew that I could never change her heart.”

I was dumbfounded. Speechless. Johnny fell silent again, and we stayed there for who knows how long before either of us spoke again. I was the one to break the still.

“Maybe you should go talk to her when she wakes up.”

JOHNNY

Jimmy and I both went up to see Levi, and she was awake – if just barely – to breastfeed Harper. She had sadness in her gaze, I saw her guilt.

“Baby... I'm sorry...” she whispered.

I cut her off gently, “Shh... I forgive you. Jimmy told me everything.”

Surprise crossed her face even through her sleepy eyes, “... you're not... mad?”

“I was... but I would have been a fool to stay angry.”

I told her everything I told Jimmy, about knowing of their mutual feelings, of my jealousy and fears of inadequacy... and being Levi, she nodded in calm understanding. I looked at her new daughter, practically a china doll, and smiled... whatever resentment or anger I might have harbored before, melted away. I didn't care that she wasn't my child, I loved her all the same. I shifted my pride into being happy for Levi and Jimmy, I knew they were meant to be.

Levi's gaze went from her infant, to me, then to Jimmy, who lingered at the entrance. I suppose the way she looked at him, let him know to come to her side, because I didn't detect any other movement besides a slight whisper of a smile on her lips. That was one of the things I envied most about their relationship – they shared this deep, unspoken bond where they just sort of... knew what the other wanted. Everything could be understood in a glance.

“Jimmy... Johnny... I mean... I know that we can see it, but... I think we should have a paternity test done. Just to be sure.”

LEVI

It was true, legally we had to know who Harper's father was if a proper signature was to be put on her birth certificate, and it had to be proven with a clinical test.

I had my blood drawn... and then I had to hold my tiny newborn daughter close, it hurt me – and Jimmy – to see her squirm and cry, even for a moment, as the needle went into her skin. Both men toughed it out... even though we had little doubt, we still held our breath as we awaited the test results.

Finally, the nurse came back, a clipboard in her hand, and both Johnny and Jimmy stood up in anticipation. She looked at me, and waited until my two male companions sat back down, before her soft-spoken voice announced it:

“The test results came back. Harper's father, is Mr. James Sullivan.”

Jimmy looked like he would have fainted if he hadn't been sitting, while Johnny looked disappointed, yet not entirely surprised. The nurse handed the results to me, I grabbed it with my free hand, and looked them over, both of the men I loved leaned in to get a better look... but only Jimmy actually asked to physically flip through it. I gave it to him and watched as he turned the pages, as if he couldn't believe what he was reading. One way or another, those papers confirmed that I had brought a little Sullivan into the world... and he was overwhelmed. Jimmy got up and leaned over me, his face aglow with joy, his sky blue eyes nearly lost between his smile and tears. I handed Harper to Johnny, and Jimmy hugged me, burying his head in the crook of my neck. I'd never seen him so emotional before, but I knew it could only be sincere. We shared a warm, tender kiss, and I felt my heart flutter in my chest just like it did when our lips first met.

After our moment of closure, we looked back at Johnny, who was smitten with Harper just the same as if she were his own. I glanced up at my lover, who – being everyone's hero – knew just what to say as we turned toward my husband.

“Say, Johnny?”

He looked up, “Hm?”

Jimmy's eyes shifted back to me for a moment as he smiled, “I don't plan to raise Harper Catholic, but I know my parents will want to see her baptized... and, we'd be honored if you would be her godfather. What do you say?”

Johnny's eyes widened, and he appeared to smile faintly, "You'd really do that...? I..." he looked back down at Harper, then said, "...yes, of course I'll be her godfather."

"Thanks," Jimmy sighed, relieved and happy, "I knew we could count on you."