Back to Square One

I woke up the next morning and I was exhausted. Nobody woke me up and for once, it was a relief. I looked beside me and flinched at the sight. It dawned on me what I had done. I shook my head and was about to get out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Megan asked.

“I’m getting dressed and so should you,” I said stiffly, my back turned towards her.

“Can’t we cuddle?” she frowned.

“No,” I mumbled and faced her, throwing her discarded clothes onto the bed. “Get dressed, then we’ll talk,” I said, exiting the room, making my way down stairs where my sister and Tristan were eating lunch.

“How was the slut, brother?” my sister sneered.

“Terrible,” I mumbled, grabbing a plate and taking their food from them and downing it. Tristan didn’t speak to me for the first year and a half, until I literally begged him along with my sister. I’d rather have him beating the shit out of me than give me the silent treatment. He didn’t fail though. He beat the living shit out of me, and I ended up at the hospital. But I didn’t hate him. Not even a little.

“You’re still with that bitch?” he mumbled. I nodded at him. He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have invited you to that party,” he mumbled.

Megan and I met at some party that Tristan decided to take me to because he felt guilty about getting me sent to the hospital. At that time, Garrett was going out with Megan, and then we started being friends. One thing lead to another and Megan was hot, so I decided to go out with her. And here we are now, obviously using each other. Well, I was using her. I don’t know about her using me.

“Morning,” she trotted into the kitchen in one of my shirts, her legs bare. Stephanie and Tristan rolled their eyes as they grabbed their plates and left the room, not before giving me a hard glare though. “What’s up their ass?” she asked and went on her tip toes to kiss me. “Last night was great,” she whispered against my lips as I just nodded.

“We gotta talk,” I said.

“About?” she asked sitting on my lap.

I pushed her off gently. “We can’t go on anymore. You and I. We’re over,” I stated bluntly.

“Wh-what? Why?” she stuttered.

I shook my head. “I can’t, just please take your stuff and leave,” I mumbled, walking away from her. I heard her footsteps go up the stairs and I waited a few minutes before I heard the front door slam shut.

“You got rid of her,” Jason scoffed. I rolled my eyes and turned on the TV. “So, Engagement party’s next week, and the wedding is a week after that,” Jason said.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, nonchalantly.

Did I leave out that detail? Stephanie and Tristan are engaged and they wanted to get married as soon as possible.

“Please, brother. I know you’re just dying to see her,” he smirked. I stiffened and sent a death glare his way. “Just kidding, sheesh,” he said throwing his hands up. I turned my attention back to the TV, but like a little kid, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “Do you think she’ll show up?” he asked. I chose to ignore him, but he kept talking. “I think she will, I mean, it is her brother’s and her bestfriend’s party and wedding,” he said thoughtfully.

His phone rang after that, mentally thanking whoever was on the line because it kept him from talking. “Yeah, of course. Yes….,” Jason spoke, and glancing at me. “Uhm… I’ll let them know… see you,” he said and put his phone away. “I guess I’ll see you later,” he jumped from the couch as fast as possible and heard him running around, looking for Stephanie.

That was weird. Who could’ve that been?



The week flew by so fast that I didn’t even know it was the day of the engagement party. Everyone has been going insane and I don’t even remember people being this crazy at my engagement party. It seemed like everyone wanted everything to be perfect.

Really, I don’t remember ours being this hectic. Or maybe people just didn’t want us to worry before that they took care of everything for us. Everyone had been keeping me out of the stress-circle, I call it. One reason is that they didn’t want me to remember the engagement party and two because they didn’t want me in their business.

Megan has been chasing me around like a lost dog, and it wasn’t pretty at all. It wasn’t cute. Nope. She was like a lost skunk. She looked like a raccoon half the time and the news was blowing up about our break-up. As if they expected us to get married and live happily ever after. I mean, come on, the woman cheats on me and not even discreetly.

As of right now, I’m looking as sharp as I could be and I was walking towards my Aston Martin and got in, blasting “The Maine” on the radio as I drove to the venue. The same venue where Hazelyn and I had our own engagement party. No wonder they didn’t tell me where it was. I sighed and got out, giving my keys to the valet after telling them to be extra careful with the car.

I then walked inside where they had already done their thank you speeches and were already going around from table to table to greet their guests. I was seated in the family table, which was probably a good idea, since I didn’t have any friends at the moment. At least none that I’m in very good terms with. Notice I had the word ‘very’ there, because we are in good terms, I guess. Or good enough terms that I didn’t get my ass kicked by each and every one of them. Just two. Scotty and Tristan. The worst part? They’re the strongest out of all of them. Lucky me, right?

As I was sitting there in a table with my parents, Hazelyn’s parents and some other close friends of theirs, I took my time to look around. It looked much like how our engagement party. It made my heart sink. If I didn’t fuck up so badly, then I wouldn’t be sitting here with the oldies. With people twice my age. I would’ve been with my friends, laughing and having a good time, with Hazelyn under my arm and her eyes would be looking at me as if I was the only thing she sees, and she’d sneak some kisses here and there while she leaned on me.

But now, here I am. With people twice my age, reminiscing the old days and looking around discreetly, in hope to catch a glimpse of the girl that broke me in half and turned me into a lump of Whipped Cheese.

What exactly happened when she left? Let’s take a trip into my time capsule of flashbacks.

~~~Flashback 3 years ago~~~

“What are you talking about, my child?!” I sneered at the bitch that was in front of me.

“It is your child Jay! I’m three months pregnant! The last time I saw you! Before you left the school, at that party that we all went to!” she started to sob. “I was going to let you and Hazelyn live happily, but I couldn’t stand doing this to my child, to our child!” she sobbed even more.

“What are you talking about? I do not recall sleeping with you!” I hissed, knowing damn well that I haven’t had sex in the past 21 years of my life. Not once.

“You were drunk, I took advantage that, and I hoped that you wouldn’t remember in the morning. I just wanted to have you for one night, Jay. One fucking night,” she sobbed.

“That was basically sexual assault Audrey!” I yelled at her. “I don’t believe this, we’re going to do some tests,” I said before walking out on her, and watching people give me the dirtiest looks. I knew it looked bad, but come on now, how do I get a girl pregnant without having intercourse with her?

I called one of my parents’ close friends, whom was an Obgyn, and set up an appointment at the immediate moment.

“Jay, did you get a girl pregnant?” she asked me hesitantly over the phone.

“Beatrice, I didn’t. That’s why I need you to confirm that,” I sighed onto the phone. “I need a paternal test,” I was determined to prove the bitch wrong. I know I’m supposed to be chasing after Hazelyn right now, but not until I prove that it’s wrong. That it’s all a lie.

“Okay, come down to my clinic,” she sighed and hung up.

I went back to the store and saw that Therese was comforting Audrey, and I immediately grabbed the girl by the arm, not being too harsh because she was pregnant after all. I dragged her to my car, quickly racing to the clinic. It was supposed to be a twenty minute drive, but I made it in 10 minutes and 6 seconds. I got out of the car and looked around if anybody noticed us. It was all clear, and we went into the office.

“Jay, where are we?” she whimpered.

“I’m getting a paternal test,” was the only thing I said until Beatrice came out, ushering us into her office and began to take blood samples.

We were out in half an hour and Beatrice told me that we won’t find out for another 4 days. I sighed, but nodded and drove Audrey back to the mall’s parking lot, making sure that she got in her car. I mean, what if it was mine? I’m not that heartless.

I went home, feeling the need of rest and that Hazelyn needed space. I knew she hated me right now, and I don’t know what I was gonna do. I laid back and relaxed as I waited the morning to come, and I could talk to Hazelyn.

---------

It was eerily quiet in our house, making me wonder where everyone was at such an early hour. I remembered and immediately jumped out of my bed, throwing on a pair of jeans and a white V-neck, rushing out of the house and racing over to Hazelyn’s. I made it in record time, and almost crashed into Tristan’s Ford Explorer. Good thing a Ferrari’s breaks are legit.

I was already brainstorming of what I was gonna tell her, how I was gonna explain, and knew that I’d forget about it. I’d have to wing whatever I was gonna say, I just needed to know what I was gonna say first.



I saw the scene play out in front of me. Three car groups. Our friends. I knew what this meant. She was leaving. Again.

“Baby,” I heard myself say as I gripped onto her upper arm

“Ryan,” she said her voice clear and stern.

“Please don’t leave me,” I begged.

She smiled at me, and held my face. “Ryan, I have to leave. I love you, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s best. But I’m not selfish enough to hold back the right of that child for a father. I will not stand here, and pretend that my husband has a child with another woman, and I won’t let the child grow up hating me, thinking that I deprived her from her family. I’m not that selfish Ryan, and as much as I’d want to be because I want you so much, I can’t. I’m too nice for that. My morale’s are too high for that.

“I love you, and I always will. But right now, I need to find out what I’m going to do with myself. I need to find that independence again. I’ve depended on you for too long, and I guess I lost my backbone,” she chuckled. “I need to find me again, I need to find who I am without you,” she said sadly. “But don’t worry. I’ll always be your bestfriend. I’m sorry I’m selfish that I can’t be here for you through the whole thing, but I will be back. I just hope you understand that I need this, because if I don’t leave now, I might be the homewrecker, and I can’t do that. Not to an innocent child,” she said shaking her head.

I was about to interrupt her, but she kept going, and I knew that nothing that I’d say could stop her now.

“Promise me though, that you’ll try and love this child of yours, and for you to always remember me. Remember our good times, remember our friendship. How we were bestfriends. How we are bestfriends. E-mail me anytime. I don’t know if I’d be able to respond, but let me know what’s going on. I’ll be sending subtle messages through your sister, and you’ll know they’re from me. We never know what might happen in the future, but I will promise you, and tell you for the last time that I will be back, and I’ll be back when I’m stronger, when I know I won’t break down and beg for you, and won’t be as childish as I am now,” she smiled at me. “I love you Ry, always have always will, that I can assure you,” she smiled at me before she went on her tip toes and kissed me softly. I wanted to stay like that, and hold her and keep her there, but I was frozen. An idiot I was to stay frozen. “Also, please let me be selfish one more time and let me keep this ring?” she chuckled lightly, but I knew there was no humor there. “I’ll pay you back though, just let me keep it. It means a lot to me,” she smiled before she walked away from me.

I held onto her every word, held onto her kiss. I felt my lips tingle and the butterflies go. As girly as it sounded, that’s how she made me feel. When she was out of sight, that’s when I broke down and cried. I cried in front of her house, and was silently hoping she forgot something and went back for it. But sadly, I knew Hazelyn well enough that she had a checklist, not leaving a single thing.

The sun was burning me by the time I actually got up and got into my car. I was probably sitting there like a loser crying. A twenty-one year old man crying. How pathetic right? At the moment I didn’t care. I got into the car and cried some more, and that’s how I spent the next three days.

Audrey has not once contacted me, and I was thankful for it. We though got called to the clinic for the results and I was scared out of my skin. Beatrice walked into the room with a folder, and a confused look on her face. She looked at me and at Audrey.

“Are you guys ready for the results?” she chuckled nervously. We both nodded. We were both on the opposite sides of the bench that was in her clinic. She looked at me and gave me a soft smile, and my hopes went up. “Jay, it’s not yours,” she said to me and looked at Audrey’s expression, which was baffled.

“No! That thing is a lie! Jay’s the father! I didn’t sleep with anyone else after Jay!” she screamed. “You’re a liar! It’s his child and you just don’t want anything to do with it!”

“Please calm down, Audrey my dear. I’m a doctor, and no matter what my relationship is with the patients, I always have to tell the truth. You can get second opinions from other doctors,” Beatrice said.

“It can’t be! I walked into your room that night! I snuck in there after we partied. You went home first! I snuck in there and slept with you! It was you!” she screamed at me.

“What are you talking about? I didn’t even go back to my dorm that night,” I asked her.

“You were there! You were even moaning in ecstasy and everything!” she screeched.

“Leon was in my room that night. He and Darwin shared a dorm and they fought! We switched rooms, so it’s-,” she looked at me wide eyed, and I looked at her the same way. “Oh fuck, it’s Leon’s child,” I muttered, leaning back on my seat, shaking my head.

“It’s-it’s not yours?” she asked me, stuttering and about to cry once again.

“It’s not mine,” I said to her and to myself, and I smiled. It’s not fucking mine! I can tell Hazelyn, get her back and we can live happily ever after! Fuck shit! Hell yeah!

I shook my head at the memory. Well, Hazelyn and I didn’t get back together because she wouldn’t reply to any of my emails. I tried telling her through email, but it didn’t seem right because I knew she’d just delete it and not even read a word of it. She wouldn’t believe it unless she saw the truth in my eyes.