The Book of Me and You

Could it be?
Is it really him?
Is it really the man that left me to further his career?

Why is he back in Tempe in the middle of December? He hates his family and hasn’t talked to them in years, so it cant be for the holidays.

And it is for sure not to visit me. We haven't talked since we broke up all those years ago.

Could it be to record a new record?

All these questions were racing through my head at top speed and I began to get a headache.

My thoughts drifted when I heard my baby Mel cry. It was then that I noticed the waitress was standing there with the bill in her hand. I mumbled a low thank you and paid the bill. I packed my stuff up as quickly as I possibly could. I couldn’t deal with the fact of actually saying words to him. I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many times I wished I ran into him so I could give him a piece of my mind. But sitting here in front of him, actually having the opportunity, I can’t even get a word out. I was completely dazed.

Well luck was not on my side, like usual. As I'm about to leave the coffee shop, a tap on my shoulder stops me in my tracks, followed by a familiar, raspy voice.

“Kendall, is that you?”

“Oh… oh John, hey,” I stutter out.

“I haven’t seen you in forever, how have you been?” He asked, stuffing his hands the back pocket of his tight jeans.

“Just...just peachy, kinda have my hands full though!” I said, nodding towards Mel. What I really wanted to say would have shred him to pieces. I wanted to say things like “You coward” and “Go to hell you deceiving jerk!”, but I couldn't find my voice.

“Oh I see, who is this young lady?”

“Its my daughter Mel.” I could see he wasn’t making any sort of connection. He sure had an amazing mind to write genius lyrics but when it came to the real world he was completely oblivious.

All of a sudden a tall, blonde, model-esc looking woman came up behind John and hugged him. If you don’t think this is awkward then you have another thing coming.

“So Kendall, this is my fiance Sierra. We're getting married on Christmas eve. You should definitely come!”

Wait, What? Did he just say what I think he just said? Fiancé? Really? It was only 11 months and 18 days since we split. Not like I was counting or anything…

“Yeah, we would love to have you there,” Sierra said in what seemed to be a Russian accent. I could tell she really didn’t care if I was there or not.

“I'll think about it. Well it was nice meeting you but I better be going.” I didn’t want this awkwardness to go on much longer.

“It was nice seeing you again, Kendall,”He said, as he grabbed my arm and looked me straight in the eyes.

I was feeling weak in the knees, my head was racing. Just like the first time we meet. Just like the first time we kissed. What is happening to me? I need to stop thinking about this guy. I'm supposed to hate him. I need to hate him.

As I walked away, I knew I had to tell him. I couldn’t keep paying all these bills by myself and to face the facts, Mel needs him. In fact, I need him.

December 24. Christmas Eve…

I can’t believe I am actually going. What the hell am I thinking? Am I going nuts? No, no I need to do this for Mel. I need to tell him the truth. Whether it hurts him or I, it needs to be done.

I'm all dolled up in a pink dress and so is Mel. I’m just trying to impress them. I'm ready; both mentally and physically. I think.

I was running a little late so I got there just after the ceremony started. I walked in right when the priest was asking if anyone believe that these two do not belong together, please speak now or forever hold your peace.

Just my luck yet again. Perfect timing, Kendall. Great freakin’ job.

Everyone turned around as I walked through the overly decorated and tacky looking aisle with Mel in my arms. I grabbed a seat closest to the back and ducked my head down, avoiding the stairs.

When should I tell him?

At the wedding reception…

“John, what is she doing here?” I heard Sierra screech. I walked up behind him as he turned around.

There was no turning back. I was already here. Now or never, Kendall.

“John, you put me through so much heartbreak and sorrow. I had so much trouble getting out of bed every day. I went into this deep depression mode. I resented you and I hated you with every bit of my soul. I grew past that hate though. I realized that, the hate I was feeling was just covering up all these other feelings I had towards you, and still do. I know this isn’t the best timing as you just got married and all. But meet Mel, your daughter.”

He looked stunned. All I heard was repeating gasps all across the room. I saw Sierra grab John’s arm and position him in a possessive way which I knew he never liked. He hated public affection more than anything.

“Well John, Do you still have feeling for her? What are you going to do about this child?” Sierra was rambling, her hands on her hips and her eyes glaring.

“Just shut up Sierra, Jesus Christ! I am trying to talk to John. John. Not you." I snapped. She let out a shocked gasp, and then huffed, crossing her arms. "So what is it John? Her or Mel and I?”

I could tell John was contemplating on whether to stay with Sierra or be with me. I honestly wasn't expecting him to choose me. He had this whole other life and I was now just part of the past. When we were together, we were young and naive, too blinded by what I thought was love to think of the consequences our actions wold ensue. I don't regret ever being with John because without him, I wouldn't have Mel, nor would I be as strong and independent as I am today. If I could be with John again, I wouldn't even have to think about it. Of course I would, but if hes moved on to the point of no return, then I at least want him to be in Mel's life. She deserves to have her father and he deserves to know his daughter.

“Um… Kendall, I just can’t. I’m sorry, I really am. But this is my new life. I’m starting over. You have to understand that. I loved you, I really did. But I've changed and you're in the past. I'm sure Mel's a great kid, she's certainly adorable, but I'm not sure I'm ready to be a father.” He said, uncertainty in his eyes. "I'm not even sure I'm ready to be married," he muttered, low enough so only I could hear. I don't think I was meant to hear it, but I did.

“You know, you give the word ‘man’ a bad taste on my tongue. I knew you would never change John. Have a good life.”

As I walked away I mumbled, “This is just another chapter in the book of me and you.”

And with that I left. Out of his life and I never looked back. I will find a better father for Mel who will love her unconditionally, like she and I both deserve.

Here's my not so happy ending after all.