Glitter in the Snow

The ride home with Felix wasn't as awkward as I had thought it would be. His car was silver, with black headlights and sleek framework. I was horrible with car brands and names, but even I knew that it couldn't have been cheap.

"Wow. Nice car," I said as I slid in.

Felix looked a little embarrassed. "It was a gift from my dad. He's one of those substitute-money-for-love types." He shrugged and pulled out of the lot. I examined his face for any sign that he was upset from thinking about it, but couldn't find any.

Stupid Natalie, I thought to myself, he's an actor. Of course he'd hide it, and he'd be darned good at it, too. "I'm sorry," I said, because it was really the only thing I could think of that fit the situation.

"Thanks," he muttered. He gave me a pointed look. "I suggest a subject change. Your choice." I gaped at him, unable to tell whether he was serious. "What, no preference? Then we'll talk about you."

I looked away to hide my discomfort. "What about me?" I meant that in a totally genuine way, not like those girls who flirted and fished for compliments so easily. I wasn't crafty enough for that. I simply genuinely couldn't think of anything he'd want to know.

"We'll start off easy. What classes are you taking?" Okay, I could answer that, no problem. I rattled off my schedule, and he laughed. "I should have known. AP everything. And you said you have Calculus third period? That's when I have Calc AB. I should have gone for the higher one, but after how behind I fell last May…" He trailed off and I nodded understandingly.

In the spring assembly, there had been a short basketball game, students versus teachers. His lifelong rival in all of the student council elections and, as far as I could tell, in everything else, had gotten a little too enthusiastic and Felix had wound up with a torn ACL.

I had been embarrassed for him just having witnessed it, and I had always felt a pang whenever I passed him in the hall. His walk had been different until well into summer break, and he had missed a lot of classes from all of his doctor's appointments.

Was it strange that I had been most upset about his temporarily lost walk? Let me make this clear- it's a great walk that he has. Maybe I can get him to show you sometime.

"I'll help you if you decide to switch," I offered. "It's not too late. I'm no expert or anything, but what we've done so far is pretty simple and we can study together. If you want."

Felix grinned as he pulled into my driveway on my instructions. "I was hoping you would say that."

I had thought it would be awkward after that, with our plans for Friday constantly weighing on us during the brief times we saw each other around school. I've always had problems with the outside-of-school aspect of any friendship, with the exceptions of my best friends and Padric.

Felix, though, made it easy. Sure, my nerves still skyrocketed whenever I saw him. My blood still turned hot when I thought about Friday. But when he came up to Maddy's table during lunch and smiled that smile of his, I didn't even think about canceling like I normally would. I wanted to go. I wanted to see how this would play out.

"So later, how about you wait for me by the north doors?"

"Sure." I fished in my mind, searching desperately for something else to say, but once again, Felix saved the day. Or, he saved the conversation, I should say, but that sounds less dramatic.

"Hey, Padric," he said, "how are you planning on exploiting our day off from rehearsals?"

Padric had been staring sulkily at his fries. What had gotten into him? I bumped my knee against his and his head snapped up.

"What?" he asked. Then his eyes focused and he glanced at Felix, looking like he'd never seen him before. "Oh. I think I'm just going to catch up on homework."

"I know exactly what you mean. Mrs. Simmons' paper is slowly but surely sucking the life out of me." Had he always been so dramatic, I wondered, or was it something you caught in theater like a disease? Was I in danger of catching it, too, just being in the pit orchestra?

Padric laughed in a hollow sort of way. "Glad I got Mr. Hank instead. He hardly makes us do anything."

"Padric, is something wrong?" I asked. He looked pointedly at Felix and back to me.

"I'd better get back to my lunch. Later, guys," Felix said and flashed one more smile before walking away.

As soon as he was gone, I lightly smacked Padric. "What's gotten into you?" I demanded. "You might not like him, but that's no excuse to be rude."

His cheeks heated, but I wasn't sure whether it was out of embarrassment or anger. "I like him fine."

"Well, then, what is it?" I asked, concerned. My anger had already deflated. Sure, Padric had been rude, but I didn't think that Felix had been bothered by it. Theater kids, they stuck together. "Padric, please. You can talk to me." I blushed as soon as I said it. Could I have sounded any more moronic? "I just-"

"I know." Padric's hand briefly rested on mine before pulling away. "Just… ignore it. I'm being stupid." I examined his eyes for any sign as to whether or not I should pry, but found none.

"Alright. Now, about that marshmallow tournament we were going to have…" His expression brightened immediately.

"Well, I was thinking. You know those Halloween Peeps that should be coming out soon? We should see who can fit more of those. It's a challenge, see, because of how nasty those things are. I don't want any in my mouth, let alone multiple."

I nodded eagerly, glad that he was done sulking. "And those sprinkles? You're screwed if any fall down your throat."

"Exactly. It's going to require a lot of finesse." He drew out the last word: finessssse.

"You're on."

***

I walked slowly toward the north exit at the end of the day. I had already taken my good, sweet time choosing which books to take home over the weekend and I had already gone to the music wing on the other side of the school to pick up my viola. I couldn't put it off any longer. It was time to face Felix.

Don't get me wrong. I had been looking forward to this for days, but now that it came down to it, I was nervous. Positively plagued by self-doubt. Was my eyeliner smudged, were my curls behaving? What if I said the wrong thing or tripped or what if he decided that he didn't want to spend time with me, after all?

It was almost too much for me. Too bad real life doesn't have a pause button.

I realized that the final bell had rung almost fifteen minutes ago and picked up the pace. I felt guilty. He must have been waiting for a while, and fifteen minutes can be an eternity when you're young.

Another worry: what if he got sick of waiting and left?

I swung around a corner and hit something solid. Strong hands gripped at my arms, keeping me from falling. Felix.

"You don't have to keep doing that, you know," he said. "You've got my attention."

"I'm so sorry. I don't know why this keeps happening."

He smiled and handed me a book I had dropped. We walked to his car in silence, the kind of silence that says much more than words ever could.

***

I awoke Saturday morning with my head buried in the pillows, curled against the wall as if, somehow, laying like that would hide me from my embarrassment. My coffee date with Felix? It was a disaster. Think 2012, but bigger because it actually happened.

What was so bad about it? Oh, only that I spilled my frappuccino all freaking over his school folder and notebooks that had been sitting totally innocently on the table. And that wasn’t all. Oh, no. For the price of one spectacular disaster, Felix’s shirt was also drenched, and spots of his lap.

Oy. At least I hadn’t gone with a hot drink. At least it was a hot day, so he wasn’t totally freezing. No, the only one in suffering from that was me. How could I ever stand to look at him again? Of course, he had just laughed, then laughed a little more when he saw my expression. He had even bought me a new one despite my protests. That somehow only made it worse.

I groaned and buried my face deeper into my blankets.

Let me tell you the rest of it, the rest of what would potentially be the most humiliating incident of my life. My ex-boyfriend, Randy? He was the reason it happened. He had been standing right there at the counter, ordering his usual drink, the one he got after every basketball practice (a soy latté with a dash of caramel. Go on, laugh; I used to all the time), and then he’d leaned oh-so-casually across the counter and kissed the barista. I was over him, don’t get me wrong. In fact, I’m the one who ended the relationship. But only because I’d suspected that there was another girl in his life. The barista? How long had this been going on? Had he been dreaming of her while he was seeing me? And what about…

I got myself so worked up that when Felix noticed my distraction and waved his hand in front of my face, my whole body jerked and my drink went flying.

I’m ashamed to admit that I was seriously rehearsing my Why Online Schooling Would be Better for Me speech to give my parents when my phone rang.

I groaned again and rolled over once more, burrowing even further into my blankets before I realized that it could be my work, calling to offer me hours. And I sorely needed something to take my mind off of things.

I shoved my arm out of my blanket fortress- not an easy feat- and groped around my bedside table for my phone. I knocked over what I believed to be my alarm clock in the process, but finally found it. “Hello?” I grumbled, then cleared my throat. I always woke up sounding like a dedicated cigarette smoker.

“Yeah, hi. Natalie?” Oh, shit. It was Felix. My whole mind went blank with panic. “Natalie?” He repeated when I didn’t say anything.

“Oh, sorry. Right. Hi. What… Why?” I struggled to choose the right question to ask and settled for leaving it at that.

Felix laughed. I was struck by how, even though it sounded different over the phone, I still could imagine exactly the timbre of it like he was sitting right next to me. “I was kind of hoping that you’re not doing anything today.”

“Why, you want me to be your laundry slave?” I joked before I remembered how embarrassing it was to remember last night without bringing it to the forefront of his mind, as well.

“That’s not exactly what I was thinking… Though it does bring interesting images to mind…”

“Then what were you thinking?” I asked, sitting up and finally facing the sunlight that had wormed its way into my room. I winced and flung my free arm over my face to hide my eyes rather dramatically. It was just that kind of a morning.

“I was thinking that we could talk math. You did say that you’d help me. It’s official. I’m in your class now. I’m holding you responsible until further notice.”

“Oh. Well…” Hm. Math. “I don’t know.” Math with Felix. Felix, whom I’d spilled my coffee all over just last night.

“I’ll understand if you’re busy, but let me just take this opportunity to say that there’s freshly baked apple pie involved.”

“Apple pie? Really? Wait, are we talking the normal kind of crust or the sinfully delicious, crumbly kind? These things matter.”

“Crumbly, naturally. What do you take me for?”

“Yes! I’m in.”

And that’s the story of how I sold my soul for apple pie. Or something like it.