Glitter in the Snow

I approached Felix’s house cautiously. He lived just two blocks away, so I had insisted on walking. It was a waste of his gas and time for him to pick me up when I had two fully functional feet to take me.

Why had I agreed to this, again? How had he managed not only to make me forget, for a while, about yesterday’s catastrophe, but to get me to spend even more time with him?

Well, I knew the second part. Felix, he wasn’t normal, not like most people thought he was. And I was starting to think that he was abnormal in exactly the same ways as me. It was positively refreshing.

I walked as slowly as humanly possible up his driveway. I somehow made those few yards last as long as the whole walk over. Finally, Felix peeked his head out the door and laughed when he saw me doing my little shuffle-step. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Am I so intimidating?”

“Yes,” I answered immediately, simply because I knew that it wasn’t the answer he was expecting. He looked surprised for a second before laughing.

“Well, hurry up. The pie’s getting cold and I think I can feel myself growing stupider by the second. I need mathematical resuscitation, and soon.”

“Sorry, I forgot my defibrillators. But I’m sure we’ll work something out.” The mention of pie automatically had my pace quickening.

Felix held open the door for me. I slipped past him and nudged my shoes off by the others that were gathered by the door. I stepped into his living room cautiously, enjoying the squashy feel of the plush carpet.

“I’m just glad my mother’s been on a baking kick lately. And I’m glad you’re here to help me eat it all. She’s on a diet, so she won’t have a bite, which leaves it all to me and Jake. If something doesn’t give, I’ll end up weighing as much as Mrs. Handley, and she’s carrying triplets.” I chuckled and tried to picture it. You’d never know that Mrs. Argenti was a baker from looking at Felix and his brother. They were two of the skinniest kids in the grade.

“She doesn’t eat any of it? Not at all? Now that’s willpower. I’ll try never to challenge her to a staring contest.”

“See that you don’t,” Felix said with a smile as he dished out a massive piece for each of us from an even more massive pie.

“This definitely beats cowering under my blankets all day,” I muttered to myself after taking a heavenly bite. Felix overheard and gave me a questioning look.

I flushed. “Oh, it’s just… Never mind.”

“I like when you blush,” Felix said, which, of course, only made it worse. I wondered not for the first time how he managed to say things like that and get away with them.

“Uhm. I don’t really know what the proper response to that is.”

“You could thank me,” he suggested, shifting his weight.

“Or I could change the subject to something less embarrassing, like math. Let’s talk math.”

“I appreciate your subtlety. Why don’t we start from the beginning of the class?” I opened my notebook, thanking my lucky star that I wasn’t in my doodling stage of the year. My notes were neat and concise, just the opposite of how they’d look around December when I started getting stir crazy in class. “Tell me, what do you know about limits?”

Time passed and finally I snapped my book shut with a flourish. “And that’s it.”

“That’s it? Really?” He glanced out the window, where the world was wet and gloomy. Or maybe gloomy was the wrong word for it. I loved rain. I loved the way that the greyness of it made the greens and pinks and reds outside pop, how it made the world smell fresh and clean. But most people didn’t see that. So maybe gloomy wasn’t the wrong word, after all.

The rain had come and gone while we poured over my notes and my text book, and while he attempted the occasional problem or got up to cut more pie.

We ate the whole thing in one sitting. I was rather impressed with us. Impressed or disgusted, that is; it's never an easy distinction to make.

“Was that sarcastic? I can’t tell.”

“Well, I was kind of expecting to have missed more in two weeks. But it sounds like you only started the new stuff a few days ago.”

I nodded my agreement. “The first week of school’s always a waste of time. If nothing else, you can count on that.”

“Well, thanks. I feel kind of bad for taking up your Saturday, though. I’m sure you didn’t want to spend it like this.” I considered that and decided that it was better by far than anything I might have ended up doing. I didn’t say this, of course.

“It’s not a problem,” I finally answered.

“Still, I feel like I should pay you back somehow. How about we grab a bite to eat.”

I looked pointedly toward the empty pie platter. “If I eat any more, I won’t be able to fit through the doors at school.”

Felix laughed and exaggeratedly looked me up and down. “I think it’ll take a lot more pies before that happens. Besides, tell me that a pizza doesn’t sound good right now.”

I grinned. “Fine, I give. But I’d better warn you, I’m as clumsy with pizza as with… other things.”

“I think I can handle it. Just know that I haven't completely decided against making you my laundry slave.” He stood up from his seat and reached his hand out toward me. I took it, gripping just a little harder than I necessarily had to, and let him pull me out the door.

***

The next Friday found me sitting in the school courtyard, the one that was used only for the occasional game of hacky sack, waiting not-so-patiently for Padric to be dismissed from theater rehearsal. The pit orchestra always got out an hour or two early, which I didn't normally mind because of all of the homework that I tended to let pile up. It's amazing how productive you can be when you have nothing better to do, and the time I spent waiting for him was usually a godsend. But not a single one of my teachers assigned any homework at all except for my calculus teacher, leaving me feeling lost and somehow incomplete. The feeling of impending doom my usual to-do list brought with it had become as constant in my life as my shadow.

I lay back on the mossy stone bench, using my freakishly large calculus book as a pillow. "There," I muttered to myself, "at least now I'm using it for something." And strangely, that knowledge did make me feel a little better. "I am such a nerd."

A sudden shadow engulfed me. "What, you've only just realized that?" I scrambled to sit up, self-consciously checking my hair in the same movement and somehow flinging my textbook onto the ground in the process.

Inner klutz: 2; Natalie: 0

"Felix! What are you doing here?" I asked.

He raised a single eyebrow, which added jealousy to the mix of feelings that his sudden appearance had brought out in me. There's no number big enough to express the amount of time I had spent trying to figure out how to do that. "I got to leave early. The rest of the rehearsal is going to be spent on the beginning of the play, which I'm not in." He bent down and picked up my math book, and I was grateful that he didn't comment on my clumsiness.

I nodded. So where was Padric? He, too, was only in the later parts of Les Misérables, the beginning of which was set nineteen years before the rest. "Then I'd better get going," I said as I gathered up my things.

"Wait, no. You're going to go find Padric, yes?" I nodded warily. "Well, I kind of took the liberty of telling him I'd give you a ride home today. I was thinking we could work on math things again. Or, if I might be so bold, I suggest that we do something not school-related. I heard the new Pirates movie is out…" His voice trailed off suggestively, watching me closely for a reaction.

I was torn between being angry that he had just assumed I wouldn't mind going with him and pleasure that he even wanted me to. "Why limit ourselves? We can do both, can't we?" I asked. I quickly busied myself adjusting my backpack strap immediately after I realized how ditzy and desperate that sounded. Why did my brain have to turn to pudding when I was around him?

Pudding. Mm. I could really have gone for some of that just then. Vanilla, with whipped cream and a dab of peanut butter. Most people thought I was nuts for it, but I didn't mind that. They thought I was nuts for a lot of other things, too, so what was one more?

I looked back to Felix and realized that he had been talking. "What?" I asked stupidly. "Sorry, I kind of zoned out."

"I noticed. I said, why not do the movie tonight and calculus tomorrow? I don't want to overtax your head. You seem a little easily confused right now." I smacked his arm for that comment and was disappointed when I saw that it didn't hurt him at all.

"And if I have better things to do with my time?" I asked, brushing the dirt off of my clothes with as much dignity as I could summon.

"Then you can walk home." He shrugged.

"Fine. To the movies we go. But only if you buy me Poprocks."

Felix laughed. "What?"

"Poprocks. I like to have some so that I can eat them during the quiet parts of a movie. I'm kind of obnoxious," I explained apologetically. "It's a time-honored tradition at this point."

"Why don't you buy yourself Poprocks?" he asked, though I could tell from his smile that he wasn't serious.

"Another tradition. I prefer to be obnoxious at the expense of others." I was rather impressed with myself for saying this with a straight face.

"Fine, I give. How can I say no to such a convincing argument?" My stomach flipped and I adjusted my backpack again- it was a nervous habit of mine and let me just say, I was nervous. Was this supposed to be like a date? I thought it might be, but I would have felt like a moron asking and he hadn't said anything like that. I was already half wishing for an excuse not to go, just so I wouldn't have to deal with the pressure. If only there was some way to predict how, precisely, I would embarrass myself tonight.

Not much later, I found myself sitting awkwardly in the middle of a crowded movie theater with Felix by my side, a box of popcorn, and three packages of Poprocks. I felt like there were a million eyes on the two of us, as half of the audience consisted of people who went to our school and Felix was well-known. If I saw us together, I would be confused as heck. I was kind of a nobody to them, after all.

"Satisfied?" Felix asked me with a grin. I nodded and popped a single piece of popcorn in my mouth, suddenly shy. Now what? The lights went down and I felt my heart race almost painfully fast. Everything seemed so much more private in the dark. It was all too easy to forget that we weren't alone here. A glance at Felix's face showed me that he was thinking along the same lines. I shivered.

I should have known that Felix would notice. "It is kind of cold in here, isn't it? Too bad I strategically don't have a jacket to offer you." He flashed me a grin that almost hid his nerves before wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I froze for a second, shocked, before shimmying closer. I concentrated on staring at the movie screen, where Johnny Depp was doing something amusing (I knew this only because the audience was laughing), but the joke was lost on me. I could hear nothing over the deafening roar of blood racing though my head. If my pulse got any quicker, there was a good chance I'd pass out. Wouldn't that be a memorable disaster?

It was dark out when we walked out of the movie theater, which suited me because it hid my blush when Felix took my hand, intertwining our fingers with studied casualness. I looked down at my shoes like they were suddenly terribly interesting, because it was easier than meeting his eyes. A stream of light temporarily illuminated them, revealing that I had put two different shoes on this morning. On my left foot was a neon green Converse, while the right sported one that was covered in music notes. How on earth had I managed that one?

Felix spotted where I was looking and burst out laughing. "What, did you get dressed in the dark this morning?" I thought back and realized that I actually had. I laughed and he joined in. I had a major music dork moment when I found myself thinking about how naturally our laughs harmonized.

"This is nice," I said instead of answering him.

His expression shifted into one of pure male pleasure. "It is. But I really have to get home," he said, looking very much like he wished he didn't. He glanced down at his watch and grimaced further. "I'm babysitting tonight, see." I nodded.

We reached Felix's car and he opened the passenger door for me before walking over to his side. I was torn between thinking sarcastic things about how I really did know how to do it for myself and being flattered. It was nice to know that he was one of the more chivalrous guys out there. They seemed less likely to be sociopaths.

"Why did we never hang out before?" I wondered aloud. I had known Felix for practically all my life, but it wasn't until this year that we had had a real conversation about things outside of school. I felt vaguely sad, knowing that. What would have happened if we'd started talking last year? The year before?

'What if's were the worst.

Felix frowned. "Honestly? I always got the impression that you didn't want people to talk to you. You were always so serious." He snorted. "Ridiculous. You're the funniest girl I know, even if most of it is accidental."

I smiled, flattered. Silence fell over the two of us as he navigated the roads in my neighborhood. I think neither of us knew quite what to say to the other. Something had changed tonight between us.

He pulled into my driveway and I struggled with my seat belt. My shaking fingers couldn't push the stupid little button hard enough. I didn't even notice that Felix had gotten out of the car until the passenger door opened and he reached across my stomach to unlatch my seat belt for me. "Thanks," I muttered. I started to get out, but realized that even taking a single step outside of the car would put me a hairsbreadth from Felix. I thought that he was doing that on purpose, testing me.

I had always responded well to challenges. I got out of the car and faced him. I was surprised when he didn't get that cocky look on his face that I was so used to seeing. Instead, he was studying me. I felt like I was being measured. A ghost of a smile passed over his face before he leaned in and planted a butterfly kiss on my lips, over almost before it began.

"Good night, Natalie," he whispered in my ear, then retreated to his side of the car. I shut the passenger door and walked dazedly up to my doorstep. I turned and waved over my shoulder, unable to keep a smile off of my face, before going in for the night.