Glitter in the Snow

"Hello?"

"I'll be there in two minutes, alright?" It was my dad. My heart sank. I really, really didn't want to have this conversation with him, the one that I knew was coming. I wanted to be able to live in what denial I could, for as long as possible.

I stood up and jumped up and down on a creaky board on our porch for a bit. Instead of relieving me of my nervous energy, it only made me feel more anxious. I caught sight of Mr. Ian Woon and his wife's little dog Fifi, walking down the street. I waved hello. He squinted at me and shook his head, then toddled on past my house. I kept jumping until my dad pulled in the driveway.

He got out of the car but left it running. He enveloped me in a hug and I almost burst into tears then. I ducked out of his embrace and headed for the passenger door, then once I was seated, I busied myself with my belt until I thought I could meet his eye without getting overly emotional. "I missed you," I finally said to him.

He was driving us through a patch of construction but he managed to spare a glance and a smile for me. "I missed you too. Sorry I didn't come back more. Your grandmother, she's needed a bit more assistance than she used to lately."

I nodded and fell silent. I would usually ask how she was doing but today I knew better.

"Tell me about how school is going?" he said after a couple of long moments during which the only noise came from the jackhammers outside the car. Ah, yes, school. I was absolutely convinced that any adult brought up school as a last resort when they didn't know what else to say.

When school came up, you knew that it was time to call it quits in the conversation department. Except he was my dad and he was trying to bridge the strange silence that was suffocating us. I could try meeting him halfway. "It's going really well. I'm in the pit orchestra for the musical. We're gearing up for the show in two weeks. It's getting a little hectic." There. Hopefully now my classes wouldn't come up.

"Really? Are you still playing, then? That's great. Maybe I'll come and see it?"

I winced. "I mean, I'm just playing music. It's not like I'm in the play or anything."

Dad shrugged. "Still, sounds like it might be nice to see. What's the play?" We chatted for a while, and it was actually kind of nice. I regretted the glum turn that I knew it would be taking once we were situated at the diner that he had chosen.

The conversation didn't happen until after we put in our drink orders. "Your Gran's in bad shape," Dad said.

I glanced up from my menu, which was in front of my face because I had resolved against looking at him while he told me of her death. "What?" Present tense?

Dad's brow wrinkled. "She's got Alzheimer's. She has for a while. That's why I moved down, actually. But we had to put her in assisted living. She doesn't know who I am anymore. I thought it was more important for me to be here with you. There's nothing more I can do for her."

"What?" I repeated. Oh, I understood the words, don't get me wrong. They just weren't adding up. Dad wouldn't abandon her. Of course not. She had been so important to him, so much in need of him, that he had left us- me and my mom and Lyle- to go to her. That was fine. I had reconciled myself with his decision long ago. He loved Gran. That was a good thing; I did too, very much. She needed him more than we did. But what, now he was going to leave her? "No."

"Sweetheart, I know this is hard for you to hear." He reached out and put his hand over mine and his eyes were compassionate. I pulled my hand away.

"Yes, it is. Very hard." I knotted my fingers together and studied them. They seemed strange to me. Foreign. Yes, it was difficult to hear that my Gran had Alzheimer's and that it had already progressed so much without anyone having mentioned it to me. But that wasn't as troubling as what my father had done. "How could you leave her?"

"She doesn't know I'm gone, Natalie. These days she doesn't even realize when I'm there."

"Well sure, but she's still probably lonely. And maybe she will have days where she wakes up and realizes that you've left. She still needs you."

"No, Nat. Sweetheart-"

"Would you stop saying that? I'm not your little girl anymore. You don't even know me." I stood up and stared at him. I had never stormed out of a place before. In a bizarre way, I was sort of looking forward to it. "Don't worry about me. I'll find my own way home." I spun and hurried away, narrowly avoiding colliding with a waitress who had her tray piled high. She tipped a little and one of her plates crashed to the ground. I felt horrid about it but I just called a quick "Sorry!" over my shoulder and kept going.

I heard Dad calling after me but I made a few quick turns down the network of side streets that the diner was situated near. I wasn't sure whether he had followed but if he had, I'd lost him.

I pulled my cell phone out and stared at the screen for a minute. I scrolled through my contacts, trying to think who lived out this way. Bex did, but I knew that she was probably over at Grace's, which was on the other side of town and besides, I didn't really want to talk about what had just happened and she wasn't the type to let things slide.

I started walking in the direction of home. I kept walking until I got there an hour later. When my sight finally fixed on my house, it was with the kind of tunnel vision that I had thought could only exist in movies. It was like nothing existed save the house and me, and I was starting to feel exhausted enough where even my own existence was starting to feel a little unreal. I collapsed on our porch swing and groaned. My legs hurt, and my feet, and my back. "I am never getting up again," I groaned.

"What? But then who will explain how to work a Taylor series to me?" I opened my eyes and met a startlingly close brown set.

I swung myself so that I was back in a seated position. I did not groan in pain, and I thought that this was an accomplishment. Since when was I in such pitiful shape? "You know what I think, Felix?"

I swear, I saw his eyes flash with amusement. I realized that my hair was hanging on the side of my head in what used to be a bun. I quickly yanked it out of its binding. "What?" he asked.

"You're just using me for my mathematical prowess." He snorted and I held up a hand. "Let me finish! Yes, my mathematical prowess. It's a real thing, Google it."

"I object," he said, cutting off the rest of what I had to say. Frankly, I was glad he did, as I hadn't exactly planned it out yet. I raised my brows and gestured for him to finish. "How do you explain Friday night then? We did no math."

"You were just trying to throw me off. I'm not fooled." I crossed my arms and turned my head, whipping him in the face with my hair. I wasn't really sure why I was doing this, but I did know that I was enjoying myself and really, what else mattered? Besides, Felix didn't seem to mind.

"What, and have to put in that much effort? Not a chance."

The front door creaked open and my mother appeared. "Natalie! I've been calling you. I was getting worried." Her gaze landed on Felix and she smiled. There was nothing that she loved more than company, once company was already at our house. She never invited people over, though; she said that it was too much pressure. Mom stepped out onto the porch and held out her hand. "Hello, I'm Charity."

"Felix Argenti. Natalie and I were just discussing math. She won't help me, ma'am."

"Natalie!" Mom scolded, grinning. "Have I taught you nothing?" She turned to Felix. "I'm so very sorry about my daughter. I've been trying to get some manners into her, but they just won't stick. Let me make it up to you. You absolutely must stay for dinner."

Felix glanced at me. When I gave no indication one way or the other, he shrugged. "That sounds great. Thank you." Mom headed back into the house, probably to ransack our entire kitchen looking for just the right thing to make, but before she was completely out of hearing range, Felix said quite loudly, "Natalie! Why did you say all of those horrible things about your mother? She seems lovely."

"Felix!" I swatted at him. I had never once mentioned her. Not. Once. "I'm innocent!" I called toward the house. Felix leaned back in the seat, watching me.

"Tell me about the rest of your family," he said, leaning back against the back of the seat we shared and simultaneously shifting just the slightest bit closer to me.

I followed suit. Our hips all the way down to our knees were touching. I breathed in deeply. "I have a little brother, Lyle, who is six. And then there's my dad, but he doesn't live with us. I'm not actually sure of where he's living at the moment. I think he's moving. And I have my gran, who isn't dead." Felix squinted down at me, clearly expecting some sort of explanation. "I spent all of this morning thinking she was. I don't really want to get into it right now. Tell me about yours?"

"It's just my mum, my brother, and me. I do have an uncle in Delaware, and we Skype sometimes."

My phone rang. I dug it out of my pocket, pressing our hips together in the process, and glared at the screen. It was my dad. "I'm sorry, if I don't answer this he'll probably show up here." Felix shrugged. "Hello? Yes, I'm fine. Yes, I got home okay. Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you at the restaurant. I was just upset. Yes, I know. Okay. Yeah, maybe next weekend. Friday? No, I'm busy on Fridays. Hey, I've got company. Yeah, I'll call you. Bye." All during the phone call, I kept my eyes fixed on Felix's as my dad alternately scolded me for running off and pleaded for me to talk it out with him.

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Sorry about that," I said again.

"Don't worry about it." His hand closed over mine. "Rough day?"

I opened my eyes. "Rough start," I corrected, and squeezed. "Things are looking up, though. Why'd you really come here?"

"To see you. I thought about calling, but I thought it was too soon. Didn't want to come on too strong."

"Too true. An impromptu visit is much more reasonable." I nodded decisively. We shared a little silence before I sprang to my feet. "Let's head inside."