If You Love Me Let Me Go
My Only Excuse is Being Drunk
I sat up in my bed and moved my bangs out of my face. I probably looked like hell. I checked the clock, 11:30 AM. Just about the time I normally get up. I look next to me and there's a man I only vaguely remember next to me, naked. I couldn't really make out his face since half of it was covered by pillow but he was very muscular. I guess I must have partied a little too hard last night...
I stand up and stretch, careful not to wake him. He rolls over slightly and I realize it's Matt. Now I know I'd partied too hard. I picked my bathrobe up off the floor and put it on, sneaking out of the bedroom. Unfortunately, I hit a squeaky floorboard and his eyes slowly fluttered open.
"Where are you going? Come back to bed," he murmured. He was still half asleep and his eyes were slowly closing again. I just needed to stall long enough for him to go back to sleep.
"Um...nowhere. I just needed to get a drink." He nodded and his head hit the pillow once more. I breathed a small sigh of relief and tip-toed out of the room. I turned towards the kitchen and of course there sat Zacky, drinking his coffee.
"Good morning sunshine. How did you sleep?" I held my hands over my ears. This hangover gave me a horrible migraine. "Oops...sorry...hung over from last night's party?" he asked, lowering his volume. I nodded slowly and he got up and walked to a cupboard, pulling out some asprin. He gave me that and a glass of orange juice.
"And I slept...fine...thanks for asking." I didn't want to tell him about Matt. It was all a bunch of jumbled up memories in my head anyway. I remember drinking...more than I should have. Matt and I talked a little, he helped me to the bathroom when I definitely went over the edge with my drinking, and that was it. The rest was a blur.
"Don't try to keep what happened a secret from your big brother." Fuck...he knew. I sighed and sat down across from him, popping the asprin followed by some orange juice. "I told you...you're going to be with Matt one of these days."
"No okay?! It's not going to happen! He's my friend and that's all! I was drunk last night and I hardly even remember what happened! It's nothing so drop it!" Zacky motioned for me to turn around and there stood Matt, wide-eyed. He'd obviously thought of it as more. "Matt I..." He just shook his head and walked out of the kitchen. I sighed and put my head on the table.
"I'm guessing this isn't from your head?" he asked, nodding at the fact that my head was on the table. I shook my head a little, putting my face in my hands. I felt terrible. I wanted to talk to him but I knew him well enough to know he wasn't going to listen. I needed to let him calm down first. Then maybe he'd let me explain. I lifted my head up, my blonde hair falling into my face. I brushed it out of the way and just sat there in silence for a few minutes. Zacky looked like he was going to say something every now and then but would change his mind.
"If you're going to say something then say it," I snapped. He looked at me for a few moments, surprised, then back at the table. "Alright, don't say anything." I got up and walked over to where Matt was. "I'm sorry you had to hear that..."
"Don't be. You got your point across. You were drunk. It was just a one night stand, I get it," he said, aggrivated. I knew he was upset but he didn't need to treat me this way.
"That's not what I meant."
"That's what you said! You were so drunk you don't even remember most of it! You want to be just friends so I guess that's what we are! Besides I have Val." His words felt like a punch in the stomach. I needed to find something to retaliate with. I racked my brain for the right words and they finally came to me.
"If you have Val then why did you sleep with me?" I asked. He sighed and looked down at the floor. I hit his weak spot.
"Just don't worry about it." Now I really did want to know.
"Come on, tell me." He shook his head, staring at the floor. I sat down next to him.
"What's going on? I really want to know."
"Just stop prying because it's nothing you need to know!" He got up angrily and walked into the kitchen. I looked over at him. He was leaning against the counter, staring at the floor again. I wanted to try and comfort him but there really were no right words to say to him. When he got angry there was no getting through to him. Zacky walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. My head was in my hands and I was on the verge of tears.
"He'll cool down, don't worry." I shook my head.
"I messed everything up...he hates me now..." Zacky glanced at Matt then looked back at me. He tried to think of the right thing to say but obviously came up with nothing. He took his hand off my shoulder and held out his hand. I took it and he helped me up, pulling me into a hug.
"He'll come around and you two will be back to normal in no time. I promise."
I stand up and stretch, careful not to wake him. He rolls over slightly and I realize it's Matt. Now I know I'd partied too hard. I picked my bathrobe up off the floor and put it on, sneaking out of the bedroom. Unfortunately, I hit a squeaky floorboard and his eyes slowly fluttered open.
"Where are you going? Come back to bed," he murmured. He was still half asleep and his eyes were slowly closing again. I just needed to stall long enough for him to go back to sleep.
"Um...nowhere. I just needed to get a drink." He nodded and his head hit the pillow once more. I breathed a small sigh of relief and tip-toed out of the room. I turned towards the kitchen and of course there sat Zacky, drinking his coffee.
"Good morning sunshine. How did you sleep?" I held my hands over my ears. This hangover gave me a horrible migraine. "Oops...sorry...hung over from last night's party?" he asked, lowering his volume. I nodded slowly and he got up and walked to a cupboard, pulling out some asprin. He gave me that and a glass of orange juice.
"And I slept...fine...thanks for asking." I didn't want to tell him about Matt. It was all a bunch of jumbled up memories in my head anyway. I remember drinking...more than I should have. Matt and I talked a little, he helped me to the bathroom when I definitely went over the edge with my drinking, and that was it. The rest was a blur.
"Don't try to keep what happened a secret from your big brother." Fuck...he knew. I sighed and sat down across from him, popping the asprin followed by some orange juice. "I told you...you're going to be with Matt one of these days."
"No okay?! It's not going to happen! He's my friend and that's all! I was drunk last night and I hardly even remember what happened! It's nothing so drop it!" Zacky motioned for me to turn around and there stood Matt, wide-eyed. He'd obviously thought of it as more. "Matt I..." He just shook his head and walked out of the kitchen. I sighed and put my head on the table.
"I'm guessing this isn't from your head?" he asked, nodding at the fact that my head was on the table. I shook my head a little, putting my face in my hands. I felt terrible. I wanted to talk to him but I knew him well enough to know he wasn't going to listen. I needed to let him calm down first. Then maybe he'd let me explain. I lifted my head up, my blonde hair falling into my face. I brushed it out of the way and just sat there in silence for a few minutes. Zacky looked like he was going to say something every now and then but would change his mind.
"If you're going to say something then say it," I snapped. He looked at me for a few moments, surprised, then back at the table. "Alright, don't say anything." I got up and walked over to where Matt was. "I'm sorry you had to hear that..."
"Don't be. You got your point across. You were drunk. It was just a one night stand, I get it," he said, aggrivated. I knew he was upset but he didn't need to treat me this way.
"That's not what I meant."
"That's what you said! You were so drunk you don't even remember most of it! You want to be just friends so I guess that's what we are! Besides I have Val." His words felt like a punch in the stomach. I needed to find something to retaliate with. I racked my brain for the right words and they finally came to me.
"If you have Val then why did you sleep with me?" I asked. He sighed and looked down at the floor. I hit his weak spot.
"Just don't worry about it." Now I really did want to know.
"Come on, tell me." He shook his head, staring at the floor. I sat down next to him.
"What's going on? I really want to know."
"Just stop prying because it's nothing you need to know!" He got up angrily and walked into the kitchen. I looked over at him. He was leaning against the counter, staring at the floor again. I wanted to try and comfort him but there really were no right words to say to him. When he got angry there was no getting through to him. Zacky walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. My head was in my hands and I was on the verge of tears.
"He'll cool down, don't worry." I shook my head.
"I messed everything up...he hates me now..." Zacky glanced at Matt then looked back at me. He tried to think of the right thing to say but obviously came up with nothing. He took his hand off my shoulder and held out his hand. I took it and he helped me up, pulling me into a hug.
"He'll come around and you two will be back to normal in no time. I promise."