There and Back

"We need to talk."
Did those four words really just come out of my mouth? Uh-oh. I had no idea what I was going to say. Did I want to give up on being with Jacob or did I want to keep trying? My head was spinning. I was so confused.
"Talk about what?" he asked slowly.
"About... us. Jacob, I don't know what to do here. I'm scared," I admitted. I dropped my bag and ran my hand through my long black hair.
"Scared of what?" Jacob took a step forward, closing the distance between us. His warm hand cupped my cheek. I felt so comforted by the touch, but that alone scared me shitless.
"Of being with you. Jacob, I am completely in love with you. This feeling is totally new to me. And I don't like it. I don't like being so vulnerable. I told you that I don't want to get hurt."
He brought my small frame into his warm chest. "And I told you that I would never hurt you. Lizzy, I love you and I would never let anything hurt you."
I pulled away and wrapped my arms around myself. "You can't know that you won't hurt me. Edward said the same thing to Bella and he still left."
Jake growled, cutting me off. "I'm not him. I would never do that to you."
I sighed heavily. "Jacob, you would still be head-over-heals in love with my sister if you'd never imprinted on me. You don't love me, just your wolf side does. You and I both know that if you were normal, you wouldn't have given me a second look."
"That's not true," he whispered. I could see a couple of teardrops glistening in the corners of his eyes.
"Yes it is. Maybe, just for a little while, we should just be friends." Saying the words broke my heart. I couldn't imagine what it was doing to him.
Jacob's face showed anger and then turned to a mask of indifference. "If that's what you want," he stated coldly. I wanted so much to kiss him and make everything better but knew that it would be a bad idea.
I turned quickly toward the door so that he wouldn't see me cry. I didn't hear his footsteps, but suddenly the motorcycle roared to life and sped down the street. I closed the door and slumped down against it, letting myself burst into tears.
Bella came rushing into the room from hearing me balling my eyes out. "Lizzy, what's the matter?"
"Me- Jacob- broken up," I choked out.
She gasped loudly. "He broke up with you?" she asked in disbelief.
I managed to shake my head. "I-I d-did. God, I'm so stupid!" She slid down next to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I cried hard into her chest. For the first time ever, Bella was the strong one and I was the crybaby. Fuck, love sucks.

*JACOB*
She broke up with me. She broke up with me. The words kept repeating in my head like a broken record. My mind had become numb as I stood there. I didn't want to show her how devastated I was. I let my features become indifferent to hide the pain. She bit the inside of her cheek and looked at me longingly. I wanted so much at that moment to scoop her up to me and kiss her. When I couldn't take standing there any longer, I got on my bike and sped down the street easily going 80.
The second I arrived home, I phased into my wolf form. Ah, freedom from emotion. Well, not total freedom, but relying on instinct was better than wallowing in pain and self-pity. I was so lost in my own thoughts that it took me a minute to realize that I wasn't alone.
*Ah, Jake, that's rough man,* Seth thought.
I growled in my head. *What would you fucking know? You don’t even have an imprint.* I felt him cringe at my harsh words.
*Hey, cool it, Jacob!* Leah demanded. *Liz loves you so just stop bitching and give her some time alone. She'll come back.*
*Yes mother,* I snapped sarcastically.
She growled fiercely at me. *Stop being an ass to us just because you can't hold onto your imprint!*
*At least I have an imprint! At least I'm not just using someone to piss off my ex!* Everything grew silent.
*That was uncalled for. Way below the belt, man*
*Stay out of this, Seth. Do you really think I'm using Tony to get back at Sam?* she demanded. *This might come as a shock to you, but I actually have a heart and thanks to Tony, it's finally fixed. Don't you dare pretend that you know how I feel! No wonder Liz ditched your sorry ass!*
Leah shifted quickly but I still felt the sting that my words had caused. Great, just fucking great. Now I was feeling guilty for hurting Leah. Could this day get any worse?

*LIZZY*
I cried for what seemed like hours. Bella went to go make some dinner, looking at me worriedly, while I just went up to my room. I collapsed on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to talk to Rosalie, Emma, or Leah.
Unfortunately, talking about it would make me cry again and I didn't want to show anyone that kind of weakness. I could've called my Mom but I was still kinda mad at her for sending me to Forks in the first place. This is all her stupid fault!
I closed my eyes imagining a way to get rid of the pain I was feeling. Nothing in my life had ever hurt so terribly. Not even slicing open my veins had hurt his bad- Wow, I'm an idiot. I've been cutting for years and I didn't think to do it now?
I rolled out of bed and carefully crept to the bathroom. Locking the door, I dug through my bathroom bag until I found a razor. I kneeled in the bathtub so that my blood could easily be rinsed away. The blade slid fluidly across the soft skin of my forearm causing sweet relief. Scarlet droplets dripped onto the white porcelain of the tub. I sat in there for a good half hour until small pool of blood formed near the drain.
A knock at the door startled me and my steady hand cut deeper than I'd intended. "Lizzy? Dinner's ready."
"O-okay. I'll be right out," I called through the door. I let the faucet in the bathtub run for a few seconds. I had to wipe off the blood with a wet washcloth before wrapping my arms in gauze and throwing on my black hoodie.
Welcome back, cutter Liz.

*JACOB*
"Are you sure she's coming?" I asked Bella for the hundredth time.
"Yes," she sighed. "Lizzy is coming to the bonfire with Charlie and me. Tony's even driving with us out there to make sure she doesn't run off. Will you stop worrying?"
"Sure, sure. Sorry I'm being such a pest. Tonight just needs to be perfect."
"She'll be there if I have to drag her kicking and screaming."
That might have been exactly what Bella did. Lizzy was skulking with her arms crossed tightly over her chest when they arrived. Her eyes were hard as she looked around for a place to sit. She spotted Leah and made her way over to her.
"Jake's staring at you," Leah whispered, although most of the group could hear her.
Lizzy lifted her eyes and her gaze met mine for a second. She gasped and started chewing the inside of her cheek. "So? I'm sure that by now you know what happened yesterday."
"The whole pack knows. Jacob's really heartbroken. Did you have to be such a bitch?" I wanted to growl at Leah.
Lizzy's eyes narrowed further. "Yes," she answered simply, "I do. You should already know that. And why are you even defending him?"
"Because he reminds me of me when Sam dumped me. The only difference is that he's actually imprinted with you."
Lizzy sighed. "That's sort of the problem. If it wasn't for the whole werewolf imprint thing, he'd still be drooling over Bella. Just face that fact that that's the only reason he likes me."
"Get up," Leah ordered Liz. She did as she was told and Leah dragged her down to the edge of the beach. I followed far enough behind so that I could still hear without getting caught.
"What do you want, Leah?" Lizzy hissed.
"Why the hell are you doing this? Both of you are suffering so much, for nothing."
"Who said I'm suffering?" I felt my heart shatter in my chest.
"Liz, Tony called. He said that he smelt fresh blood on you when you guys were coming. You're cutting yourself again, aren't you?"
Lizzy sighed and her face softened. She rolled up her sleeves to see a new web of cuts on both forearms. "It's the only thing I know that can take away this pain. But I can't risk getting hurt worse by him." She sobbed into Leah's shoulder.
I would do anything to see her happy again. My imprint was hurting, and that was worse than what I'd felt when she'd broken up with me. Somehow, I was going to make everything right again.