Brick by Boring Brick

-Frank’s POV-

Running away never felt as desperate as today; running away from everything, to be met with nothing at all. Not a hint of my sweet dream lover, which I kinda expected, since I had run away from real Gerard. As I slept, I didn’t see him one single time; instead, I was being chased by old me, the me that was ever so depressive and plainly terrified of life; the me that I wanted to forget, but I had found earlier today.

I jerked up on my bed as soon as I woke up; I had tears sliding down my face, along with the sweat from my nightmares. I had just seen myself die; die carelessly on some hospital bed, with no one around me to miss me. I was just as alone as I always was; I never really had a friend. Not Mikey, not Gerard, not even Spike was there; don’t sue me for wanting my teddy bear there, okay? I was dreaming, after all.

How come I seem so aware that I’m dreaming when I’m awake, but I completely ignore it when I’m asleep? How come I turn so blind whenever I close my eyes, and see those scenes flash in front of them, anyway? I guess it’s really because my eyes are closed; I cannot see the real life, and only my imagination, and my dreams, can fill the need of my mind for something to hold on to; even if that something are nightmares.

Getting up from my bed, I slowly walked towards the en-suite bathroom I had, washing my face in the cold water that dripped onto the sink, like cold blood dripping from a sliced wrist, and only after doing so I look to my face; yet again, I was met with old, desperate me, which made me stop all motions, concentrating myself in the mirror as I slowly reached out to the transparent glass. When I touched it, I felt a burning sensation burn through my fingers, going directly to my mind as simple words started to echo in my head.

“I’m dying… You gotta stay with him! Don’t trust your Gerard… He’s just a jealous dream. Don’t leave my Gerard alone. Please, Frank!”

As soon as that final plead stops sounding, I take my hand away from the mirror, looking at the piece of glass in front of me, still seeing the chapped me on the other side; I see myself tired, as if I’m dying ever so slowly, tears recoiling under my hazel eyes as I understand that’s exactly what it is; that old me is dying, and, for the first time in my life, I feel bad for it.

I always thought I wanted that bit of the past to stay in the past, but as I see myself grow in illness right before my eyes, fading away like a clock was ticking all of my breaths and transforming it into a disgraceful disease that left me begging for help, I understood that the past might not be who I was anymore, but it’s still a part of me. And, even though I’d always been scared of becoming who I was, it was who I was that made me who I am today; if it wasn’t for my old self, I wouldn’t have my dream lover, and I wouldn’t stand with the confidence I stand, today. All in all, I should thank my old self for who I am today; not with words, but with actions.

I quickly nodded my head, silently promising my old self to take care of someone I’m advised to stay away from, the tears still streaming down my now hot cheeks, watching my old self smile forcefully, as he tried to hide the obvious pain that’s shooting through his thick body; thicker than I ever was.

Deciding that it’s probably time for me to, actually, go to bed, I waved my hand slightly at the mirror, even though this single action made me look just like a dumb kid, and walked slowly back to my bed, questioning myself if this is really what I wanna do; I was about to throw all that I’ve built, lately, because of a… because of a boy in the mirror. Well, yes, it’s not any boy, but still; I was about to destroy everything I’d managed to have with my dream lover, because my old self asked me to.

Lying down on my bed, I took deep breaths, humming some soft song that’ would drift me into the land of dreams, while I’m holding my old teddy bear tightly onto my chest, closing my eyelids, expecting the sleep to wash over me; soon enough, I feel my body get less and less heavier, floating silently onto the forest I’d grown to know since my Gerard had left me.

“Gerard, I know you’re there” I called out, strongly, even though I could feel the nerves crack up inside of me, boiling up in my blood, making my strength tremble as I feel someone walk up to me from behind; I instantly turned around, facing Gerard.

As I saw him standing there, his cocky self towering over me in kind of an offensive manner, actually, I started picking up things about him that I didn’t use to; the way he wanted to take control of me, the way he dictated everything that I did, who I could be friends with, and who I couldn’t, how he had taken over my tiny body only a few days after we met…

“You called, Frankie-honey?” He said, smiling slightly at me as he opens his arms, expecting me to hug him. “I suppose you’ve now seen how evil that guy is, right?” He asked, making me narrow my eyebrow at him, confusion washing over me.

“What are you talking about, Gerard?” I questioned him, stepping away from him as he walked closer to me, trying to trap me in his arms; I know he saw the fear that crossed my eyes, ‘cause he smirks evilly at me, feeling powerful. I could see in his eyes that he was enjoying my attempts to stay away from him; he had some kind of sparkle in his eyes that scared me to death.

“I guess you forgot, already…” He said, looking at the dark sky above us as he continued talking. “Those drawings of you that he had, from the times when you used to be so miserable and silly… Those drawings that were dated from a year ago, even though you two didn’t even know each other back then…” My dream lover, who I was finding to be actually terrifying, told me, bringing back the reason why I had run away from Mikey’s house in the first place; not only I had run away from the image in the mirror, who had called me ever so scared, but I had also run away from that sketchbook, which contained drawings of my past self.

As I reminisced about how that was even possible, I felt another person walk behind me, their hand being put on my shoulder, as if this person was supporting themselves on my tiny body, which brought me out of my thoughts, and made me look to them; when I saw who it was, though, my eyes went wide, my brain freezing as I saw his fragile body giving in to me. I grabbed him, or me, I don’t know how to say it, making my old self stand to his feet, regaining his strength again.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Gerard spat in his direction, anger being tangible even from where I was standing. “I thought you never wanted to see me every again” he said, sarcasm dripping from his mouth like raindrops from the sky.

“And I didn’t; but, what you’re doing to Frank isn’t very reasonable, now is it?” My old self spoke in a weak voice, standing on his own again, taking one step closer to Gerard. “You know perfectly why those drawings exist, yet, you keep scaring Frank away. Is this some kind of revenge for what I did, or better, didn’t do with you?” Old-Frank asked Gerard, looking at him straight in the eyes as he said so; to say that I was deathly confused is the understatement of the millennium!

“What if it is? What would that matter to you? Don’t you have your Gee-tard, and doesn’t he have you? I don’t understand why you’d want them to come closer to each other! It’d only ruin both of our relationships, you prick!” Gerard screamed in his face, completely ignoring the tears that were swimming down old-Frank’s face, as he grabbed his upper arms, shaking him back and forth as he spoke; when he was done, old-Frank broke free from his grip, clenching his jaw as he controlled his tears.

“Because I’m fucking dying! That’s why!” Old-Frank screamed, making Gerard freeze in his spot; right after that, his body lost its balance and will to stay up, and he fell back, right into my arms, breathing quickly as he tried to regain his strength.

“Don’t force yourself, Frank. You need to rest a bit” I said, desperately trying to get him to stay quiet for a while, to see if he could get better; at the same time, I saw Gerard move closer to us, tears already falling from his eyes as he kneeled next to Frank, hovering over him, as he tried to, silently, make him feel better.

“This was not part of the plan” Old-Frank said, taking deep breaths before he gets up, ignoring mine and Gerard’s hands, so willing to help him; once he’s standing on his feet, he looks at Gerard directly in his eyes, tears of his own forming in his eyes. “Don’t do this to him because of our past. Let him be free, Gee.”

Okay, if I wasn’t confused before, this totally did it to me; before I could ask anything, though, Old-Frank started to, weakly, walk away, waving slightly at me before he disappeared onto the woods that surrounded us. Once again, I was alone with my dream Gerard, who’s still crying; not bearing to see him like that, I go up to him and hug him tightly, whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

“It’s gonna be okay, Gee… Don’t be like that, honey” I said, trying to comfort him. Nothing seemed to work, though; he kept crying and crying for an endless amount of time.

After a lot of time had passed, and I mean really a lot, Gerard seemed to put himself back together; he backed away from my embrace, cleaning his tears on the sleeve of the hoodie he had on, looking at the sky before he looked back down at me.

Taking me by surprise, he leaned closer and kissed me with such passion, I was awestricken for a few moments; when I understood what was happening, I gently put my hands on his face, closing my eyes as I felt his slimy lips move against mine. When we back away, he hugged me tightly, and then completely let go of me, making me bite my lip as he stared at my eyes, an unknown emotion vibrating in them.

“Frank… It’s time for you to go; I’m setting you free, honey. Just as you wanted” he told me, surprising me when he said so; I hadn’t even told him I wanted to end things up! “Honey, I know that’s what you came here for; I don’t blame you… I wasn’t exactly fair with you. Give real Gerard a chance to show himself, yes?” He asked me, surprising me, yet again. “I love you, Frankie” he said, turning away from me.

Being the girly peachy boy I am, I ran to him, hugging him from behind one last time; he put his arms around my arms, linking his hands with mine, giving them a squeeze before pushing me away very gently.

“I love you too, Gee” I replied, watching as he disappeared onto the darkness of the forest in front of me.

The tears were streaming down my face, my heart beating faster as I realized I had just lost the best thing I had ever had. I had lost the only person who had helped me when I felt so lost I wanted to die; the only person who had been there for me when I had no one else.

As all of this hit me, I wanted nothing else than to wake up from that nightmare; nothing else than to forget about that dream. All of that.

And, just on cue, my alarm clock set off, making me open my eyes widely, the tears still streaming down my face. As I looked at it, I realized something that scared me to death; it was Sunday. The only day I had nothing to do.