Failure
Failed in life's test
Dear Diary:
I am a failure. I will never be as good as them. I will never be like them. I tried… but I failed. Suddenly everything turned black and white to me. This room, this house, this world…each day I suffer from a great loss. I've lost respect for myself…my faith…my confidence…most of all myself.
Nobody's perfect, I know. I just wanted to be normal like everyone els. Again, I failed. Being normal was too abnormal to me. I'm not making any sense. Well, that's who I am.
Sometimes I feel like destiny's hands are wrapped around my throat making it so hard for me to breathe. Doors are being slammed in my face wherever I go. Dark clouds haunt me. Sunrays never came into my room. Little voice creeps into my head every once and a while to whisper and say: "give up and run away from this life just quit it!"
I'm unable to think. As if, I'm paralyzed. Mentally paralyzed not physically. I'm drowning in my very own little fairyland because I'm too afraid to face the reality.
I'm too afraid to wake up someday and find myself alone.
I am alone.
Right now I'm staring out of the window at nowhere. Trying to breathe in the cold December air. It never felt that cold and dark ever before and It didn't rain this year. yet it was raining. To me it was raining all the time. I believe that the angels were crying all the time. I never imagined those beautiful creatures crying. I bet they still look beautiful when they cry.
I remember when I was a kid my mom have told me a story about a little girl who lost her parents in a tragic accident. That girl didn't lose her love for life. She didn't give up living. She carried on when no one was beside her to support her and love her. She kept on living. I don't know how she did it. She just did it. That was off topic.
I wish I could be like her. I wish I could get half of her strength, faith or whatever it's called. I know I can.
Maybe I will. But not today, not tomorrow…
Soon I hope.
I am a failure. I will never be as good as them. I will never be like them. I tried… but I failed. Suddenly everything turned black and white to me. This room, this house, this world…each day I suffer from a great loss. I've lost respect for myself…my faith…my confidence…most of all myself.
Nobody's perfect, I know. I just wanted to be normal like everyone els. Again, I failed. Being normal was too abnormal to me. I'm not making any sense. Well, that's who I am.
Sometimes I feel like destiny's hands are wrapped around my throat making it so hard for me to breathe. Doors are being slammed in my face wherever I go. Dark clouds haunt me. Sunrays never came into my room. Little voice creeps into my head every once and a while to whisper and say: "give up and run away from this life just quit it!"
I'm unable to think. As if, I'm paralyzed. Mentally paralyzed not physically. I'm drowning in my very own little fairyland because I'm too afraid to face the reality.
I'm too afraid to wake up someday and find myself alone.
I am alone.
Right now I'm staring out of the window at nowhere. Trying to breathe in the cold December air. It never felt that cold and dark ever before and It didn't rain this year. yet it was raining. To me it was raining all the time. I believe that the angels were crying all the time. I never imagined those beautiful creatures crying. I bet they still look beautiful when they cry.
I remember when I was a kid my mom have told me a story about a little girl who lost her parents in a tragic accident. That girl didn't lose her love for life. She didn't give up living. She carried on when no one was beside her to support her and love her. She kept on living. I don't know how she did it. She just did it. That was off topic.
I wish I could be like her. I wish I could get half of her strength, faith or whatever it's called. I know I can.
Maybe I will. But not today, not tomorrow…
Soon I hope.