You Need to Feel
floods;
Two fairy like creatures darted around the street posts, their figures twirling and blurring into ominous floods of pinks and purples. Snow as white as their innocent porcelain faces fell gracefully to the cement of the suburban street, making beautiful contrast with the dark rain clouds looming above.
With a heave of her lungs, the first girl stopped. Her chestnut brown hair tucked in a neat plait falling down her back, a beanie pulled down over her ears, and her cold red cheeks illuminating her bright blue eyes, watched as the second girl, Darcy, flitted and darted like a ballerina, around the deserted street.
Oh, how graceful Darcy was, how beautiful, how perfect.
And as Darcy came to an abrupt stop, noticing her singular activities, tucked her russet colored hair behind her ears, and sighed.
Moments like these must always stop.
"What's your secret, Darcy? Where did you learn to dance like that?" the smaller girl asked the bigger girl, a shy and curious look twinkling in those ghostly blue eyes, a smile tucked into her lips.
Darcy's contemplated how to tell the small girl. She sat on the cloud-like footpath and let the freezing air make clouds of her voice as she said,
"Mother always said to be like a snowflake. Be light"
You're fat Darcy, fat fat fat. You want to be light, right? Just like the snowflake. You just shoved poison down your throat. Poison. Poison that will make you heavy, not a snowflake. You need to be light. Light, light, light. Snowflakes are light, you're not. You're fat. Fat. You are fucking fat. Do you want to be light? Take the poison out. Take it out. Before it kills you.
These thoughts ran through the tainted mind of the girl as a dainty finger slid down her throat and emptied the first food she had eaten in days. Because it was poison. She needed to be light. She needed to be a snowflake.
"Be beautiful"
The girl huffed as the sweat bursted from the pores on the surface of her body, her legs were burning, but she needed to keep running. She needed to be beautiful. She needed to feel muscles start to sprout beneath her soft skin. She needed to feel in control.
She felt herself pushing 4km, on an empty stomach. The people on nutrition shows said to eat breakfast, eat before you exercise. They didn't know. She knew what was good. And this was good. She was getting more beautiful, step after step. A smile graced her face. She smiled and she smiled for one hundred more met res. She smiled when her vision went blurry. She smiled when she felt herself become weightless. Her smiled only faded as her head crashed again the hard pavement, pushing her into deep unconciousness
"And most of all, be ready to fade into the masses, until you're nowhere to be seen,"
The girl stood infront of the mirror, clothes hanging off of her bones. That was all she was, bones. Her hip bone jutted out horribly, and her face was one of a horror film, dark circles etched into her skin, pasty white skin. Unlike last time, she saw it all. Unlike last time, she could feel the bones stretching her skin. Unlike last time, she didn't drop to the floor to do push-ups. And unlike last time, she broke down in tears, thinking, I've become a monster
Darcy's eyes moved from where they were frozen on the snowflakes drifting to the white heaps on the ground, to the small child next to her. She sat silent, taking it in. Everything that Darcy didn't want. So, she spoke.
"But mother was wrong. She was wrong, wrong wrong."she said as she shook her head. " Do you want to know what you truly need?" she asked, and the petite girl beside her nodded her head, curious as to what the beautiful dancer would say.
"You need to feel it. Feel the music. Feel the whispers in the wind. You need to feel" The girl nodded, enthusiastically, and ran to the middle of the street, feeling. Not blocking the sound of the light flakes brushing to the ground, darting, twirling. And it was beautiful.
And Darcy turned, and glanced down at her healthy body, and felt good. She felt. Because if she had listened to the rest of her mothers advice, she would be like those snowflakes. She would be beautiful, light. But that wouldn't have lasted for long. She would've faded, like snow when the sun peaks through the clouds. She would've faded. Right into the masses.
With a heave of her lungs, the first girl stopped. Her chestnut brown hair tucked in a neat plait falling down her back, a beanie pulled down over her ears, and her cold red cheeks illuminating her bright blue eyes, watched as the second girl, Darcy, flitted and darted like a ballerina, around the deserted street.
Oh, how graceful Darcy was, how beautiful, how perfect.
And as Darcy came to an abrupt stop, noticing her singular activities, tucked her russet colored hair behind her ears, and sighed.
Moments like these must always stop.
"What's your secret, Darcy? Where did you learn to dance like that?" the smaller girl asked the bigger girl, a shy and curious look twinkling in those ghostly blue eyes, a smile tucked into her lips.
Darcy's contemplated how to tell the small girl. She sat on the cloud-like footpath and let the freezing air make clouds of her voice as she said,
"Mother always said to be like a snowflake. Be light"
You're fat Darcy, fat fat fat. You want to be light, right? Just like the snowflake. You just shoved poison down your throat. Poison. Poison that will make you heavy, not a snowflake. You need to be light. Light, light, light. Snowflakes are light, you're not. You're fat. Fat. You are fucking fat. Do you want to be light? Take the poison out. Take it out. Before it kills you.
These thoughts ran through the tainted mind of the girl as a dainty finger slid down her throat and emptied the first food she had eaten in days. Because it was poison. She needed to be light. She needed to be a snowflake.
"Be beautiful"
The girl huffed as the sweat bursted from the pores on the surface of her body, her legs were burning, but she needed to keep running. She needed to be beautiful. She needed to feel muscles start to sprout beneath her soft skin. She needed to feel in control.
She felt herself pushing 4km, on an empty stomach. The people on nutrition shows said to eat breakfast, eat before you exercise. They didn't know. She knew what was good. And this was good. She was getting more beautiful, step after step. A smile graced her face. She smiled and she smiled for one hundred more met res. She smiled when her vision went blurry. She smiled when she felt herself become weightless. Her smiled only faded as her head crashed again the hard pavement, pushing her into deep unconciousness
"And most of all, be ready to fade into the masses, until you're nowhere to be seen,"
The girl stood infront of the mirror, clothes hanging off of her bones. That was all she was, bones. Her hip bone jutted out horribly, and her face was one of a horror film, dark circles etched into her skin, pasty white skin. Unlike last time, she saw it all. Unlike last time, she could feel the bones stretching her skin. Unlike last time, she didn't drop to the floor to do push-ups. And unlike last time, she broke down in tears, thinking, I've become a monster
Darcy's eyes moved from where they were frozen on the snowflakes drifting to the white heaps on the ground, to the small child next to her. She sat silent, taking it in. Everything that Darcy didn't want. So, she spoke.
"But mother was wrong. She was wrong, wrong wrong."she said as she shook her head. " Do you want to know what you truly need?" she asked, and the petite girl beside her nodded her head, curious as to what the beautiful dancer would say.
"You need to feel it. Feel the music. Feel the whispers in the wind. You need to feel" The girl nodded, enthusiastically, and ran to the middle of the street, feeling. Not blocking the sound of the light flakes brushing to the ground, darting, twirling. And it was beautiful.
And Darcy turned, and glanced down at her healthy body, and felt good. She felt. Because if she had listened to the rest of her mothers advice, she would be like those snowflakes. She would be beautiful, light. But that wouldn't have lasted for long. She would've faded, like snow when the sun peaks through the clouds. She would've faded. Right into the masses.