Status: Active
à la folie
A
It’s those girls again.
In their pretty floral dresses sat in a ragged circle surrounding the plastic crown they had been playing with last time. One girl picked it up and got to her flat-clad feet with young jerky movements. She then ran around the incomplete circle, chanting something repetitive while the other girls giggled and craned their heads to see her run.
At random, the girl propped the crown onto another girls head and sprinted off, the other girl stood immediately and ran behind her, both running in circles. She caught the edge of the girls dress as she went to sit down and yelled. I winced. Even from this far away, I could hear the vague echoes of her voice. The girl who had been caught stood again and snatched the crown from the other girl’s hand, catching her breath then once more running round the circle formed by rosy cheeked girls.
“It helps me sleep” murmured the greasy haired teen, sat on the bed with his legs folded and trademark troublesome grin painted on his sickly features “You know, my rents always used to tell me to never smoke. Stupid cunts. I believed them too, then they left me here” His eyes flashed a darker colour than their original brown.
He drew a cigarette to his lips, breathing it in like the oxygen he so sorely missed. Content washed over his hardened features, a second of bliss.
“Those children in the playground, yeah?” He nodded towards the glass-less window, I followed his gaze with wide, consuming eyes “Their playing duck-duck-goose, it’s a game, all the girls in my old school used to play it. You won’t know it. The boys here don’t play it, because you’ve got to grow up fast” He choked on his own breathe, licking his lips with a greedy tongue “In a few years, those girls won’t be playing duck-duck-goose, they’ll be playing on the streets, with fat hairy men and plastic outfits” He chuckled darkly, joining my eyes in gazing out the window at the run-down girls gathered in a almost silent circle, one lone girl trudging round and knocking each participants head.
“Fleance” He snapped his fingers, bringing my eyes away from the window and back to his yellowing face, he licked his lips again.
“You see these eyes?” I nodded, avoiding his gaze; he reached forward and held roughly onto my chin. His skin smelt of cigarettes and vodka “Look at me, Fleance” I did.
“They’re going to kick me out soon, I’m 19, I should be gone already, it’s a bloody wonder I’m here” Again, the dark chuckle “But you don’t want to be here when that happens. No, No. You’re going to get to the top, and get out. I’ve seen too many souls gone to waste here, and since you’re my roommate, I’m trying to save you” He cocked his head to the side, his way of asking me if I agree. I nodded. He inhaled poison gas.
“Wouldn’t lie to you Fleance. You and your fancy name don’t belong here, get out. Get the fuck out. Suck up to Janet, she’s putty for grey eyes and long hair, show her you’re a sweetheart, even if you’re not, I wouldn’t know” He leaned forward, his dark eyes studying me “Just get out of here, while I’m still around to wave you off” He leant back into his original position, casting his eyes up to the grey ceiling, following the path of a spider web blackened by flies.
“And, if you make some big money, you know where to find me” He laughed, like he knew it would never happen. I looked away, back to the rotting floorboards, watching the dust fall.
I closed my eyes on the vision, feeling blood pump heavily around my face, feeling my breathe struggling to work through my system, feeling the constant banging of my heart. My body felt stiff, and numb, like I hadn’t been breathing. I flexed my hand, feeling pain spike up the fingers. Pins and needles.
My eyes flickered open again and glanced out the window, the girls were still there, laughing and playing in the fading sunlight, unaware of how lucky they are.
I don’t think I’ve ever played a game before, a proper game, with everyone sober and laughing, with everyone care-free. There was always a worry working away at someone’s soul in the orphanage, always the knowledge that we were the rejects. Ten years old was too young to be somewhere like that. Hell, there had been two year olds there, looked after by the older teens with drug addictions and suicidal tendencies.
I was four when I arrived there, I couldn’t remember, but that’s what he had said. I couldn’t remember his name. My eyes shut again. My head strained. Nothing. He said I was the quietest kid to ever enter there, that I was lucky I was. He said that the other kids would have gave me alcohol, to keep me quiet, make me an alcoholic before I even understood it.
“I guess you made it, kid” I stared up at him, his greasy hair and dark eyes, no smirk on his lips and sickly yellow skin glowing unhealthily in the light. He stood for a moment, before leaning down and bringing me into a hug that smelt of smoke, alcohol and sweat.
“Fleance! They’re here! Come on!” Janet called from downstairs, her voice like a blade and bordering on the shriek she used to tell us to keep the noise down at 12’o’clock at night. He had always liked Sex Pistols loud, never quiet. He grinned, a lopsided smile with little real emotion.
“Go on, show them what us folk are like, and I want you to listen to good bands. I ever see you again and you’ve got one of those pop things on, I’ll be here on disowning you” He laughed, I smiled.
“Fleance, don’t ever come back here, yeah?” I waved, and he drew back, watching me descend the steps with as much dignity as possible.
I had to look good for my new family, right?
I never did listen to what he told me. Sex Pistols, Steel Panther, Deep Purple, T Rex. It was all rushing back now, making my head pound with information and facts, like things he used to do and particular ways he always behaved. How he cocked his head when he was asking questions, like I did, how he always paused in sentence for a cigarette, like I did, how food was just third place to cigarettes and coffee, like it was for me.
I based my life off him in so many ways, and I couldn’t remember his god be damned name.
In their pretty floral dresses sat in a ragged circle surrounding the plastic crown they had been playing with last time. One girl picked it up and got to her flat-clad feet with young jerky movements. She then ran around the incomplete circle, chanting something repetitive while the other girls giggled and craned their heads to see her run.
At random, the girl propped the crown onto another girls head and sprinted off, the other girl stood immediately and ran behind her, both running in circles. She caught the edge of the girls dress as she went to sit down and yelled. I winced. Even from this far away, I could hear the vague echoes of her voice. The girl who had been caught stood again and snatched the crown from the other girl’s hand, catching her breath then once more running round the circle formed by rosy cheeked girls.
“It helps me sleep” murmured the greasy haired teen, sat on the bed with his legs folded and trademark troublesome grin painted on his sickly features “You know, my rents always used to tell me to never smoke. Stupid cunts. I believed them too, then they left me here” His eyes flashed a darker colour than their original brown.
He drew a cigarette to his lips, breathing it in like the oxygen he so sorely missed. Content washed over his hardened features, a second of bliss.
“Those children in the playground, yeah?” He nodded towards the glass-less window, I followed his gaze with wide, consuming eyes “Their playing duck-duck-goose, it’s a game, all the girls in my old school used to play it. You won’t know it. The boys here don’t play it, because you’ve got to grow up fast” He choked on his own breathe, licking his lips with a greedy tongue “In a few years, those girls won’t be playing duck-duck-goose, they’ll be playing on the streets, with fat hairy men and plastic outfits” He chuckled darkly, joining my eyes in gazing out the window at the run-down girls gathered in a almost silent circle, one lone girl trudging round and knocking each participants head.
“Fleance” He snapped his fingers, bringing my eyes away from the window and back to his yellowing face, he licked his lips again.
“You see these eyes?” I nodded, avoiding his gaze; he reached forward and held roughly onto my chin. His skin smelt of cigarettes and vodka “Look at me, Fleance” I did.
“They’re going to kick me out soon, I’m 19, I should be gone already, it’s a bloody wonder I’m here” Again, the dark chuckle “But you don’t want to be here when that happens. No, No. You’re going to get to the top, and get out. I’ve seen too many souls gone to waste here, and since you’re my roommate, I’m trying to save you” He cocked his head to the side, his way of asking me if I agree. I nodded. He inhaled poison gas.
“Wouldn’t lie to you Fleance. You and your fancy name don’t belong here, get out. Get the fuck out. Suck up to Janet, she’s putty for grey eyes and long hair, show her you’re a sweetheart, even if you’re not, I wouldn’t know” He leaned forward, his dark eyes studying me “Just get out of here, while I’m still around to wave you off” He leant back into his original position, casting his eyes up to the grey ceiling, following the path of a spider web blackened by flies.
“And, if you make some big money, you know where to find me” He laughed, like he knew it would never happen. I looked away, back to the rotting floorboards, watching the dust fall.
I closed my eyes on the vision, feeling blood pump heavily around my face, feeling my breathe struggling to work through my system, feeling the constant banging of my heart. My body felt stiff, and numb, like I hadn’t been breathing. I flexed my hand, feeling pain spike up the fingers. Pins and needles.
My eyes flickered open again and glanced out the window, the girls were still there, laughing and playing in the fading sunlight, unaware of how lucky they are.
I don’t think I’ve ever played a game before, a proper game, with everyone sober and laughing, with everyone care-free. There was always a worry working away at someone’s soul in the orphanage, always the knowledge that we were the rejects. Ten years old was too young to be somewhere like that. Hell, there had been two year olds there, looked after by the older teens with drug addictions and suicidal tendencies.
I was four when I arrived there, I couldn’t remember, but that’s what he had said. I couldn’t remember his name. My eyes shut again. My head strained. Nothing. He said I was the quietest kid to ever enter there, that I was lucky I was. He said that the other kids would have gave me alcohol, to keep me quiet, make me an alcoholic before I even understood it.
“I guess you made it, kid” I stared up at him, his greasy hair and dark eyes, no smirk on his lips and sickly yellow skin glowing unhealthily in the light. He stood for a moment, before leaning down and bringing me into a hug that smelt of smoke, alcohol and sweat.
“Fleance! They’re here! Come on!” Janet called from downstairs, her voice like a blade and bordering on the shriek she used to tell us to keep the noise down at 12’o’clock at night. He had always liked Sex Pistols loud, never quiet. He grinned, a lopsided smile with little real emotion.
“Go on, show them what us folk are like, and I want you to listen to good bands. I ever see you again and you’ve got one of those pop things on, I’ll be here on disowning you” He laughed, I smiled.
“Fleance, don’t ever come back here, yeah?” I waved, and he drew back, watching me descend the steps with as much dignity as possible.
I had to look good for my new family, right?
I never did listen to what he told me. Sex Pistols, Steel Panther, Deep Purple, T Rex. It was all rushing back now, making my head pound with information and facts, like things he used to do and particular ways he always behaved. How he cocked his head when he was asking questions, like I did, how he always paused in sentence for a cigarette, like I did, how food was just third place to cigarettes and coffee, like it was for me.
I based my life off him in so many ways, and I couldn’t remember his god be damned name.