Status: Active
à la folie
Try
Angelica wasn’t happy with me.
She wanted me to eat breakfast, she wanted me to quit smoking, to take pills for... for my condition. New country, fresh start, she said. She launched it on me this morning, while I sat in the front garden, coffee in one hand, cigarette in the other, black bags hanging hauntingly under my eyes as I used my vices to ward off hunger.
She already worries constantly about my Anemia and now she’s been reading things, things for parents. Anorexia, Depression, Bulimia, Bullying, Bi-polar, Insomnia. Said she wanted to be a better parent, she wants to address my issues. She said there were pills I could take for Insomnia, things I could do to ward off depression, things she could do so I ate well.
I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t anorexic. I didn’t want medicine. That’s what I told her, then I stopped because my throat hurt. She said I should be going out with friends, I should smiling, laughing, she should be telling me off for getting drunk and hitting on girls. She said I should be happy.
But I am happy- I think.
When she had finished talking, not yelling- we could never get to that level, I had gone inside to get my iPod for school.
My hand closed over the cold silver metal of my iPod and I almost smiled at the familiar feeling, almost. It hurt too much. I slipped in the white headphones and turned it up to a reasonable volume, just enough to blank out anything else Angelica would try, but not too much my ears hurt and my mind felt odd.
I grabbed my maths homework from the top of one of the green boxes, folded it neatly and placed it in my jacket pocket. Soon I would need to buy a school bag, not a blue one. Letting my mind free to wander with the fairies I descended the stairs and murmured a vague goodbye to Angelica, not knowing if she responded or not. I took the keys from the dresser next to the door and opened the front door.
Outside it was cold, and wet and smelt of... smoke.
The back of a familiar blondes head was easily visible over the tiny stone wall of my front garden, cigarette trailed from behind the hair. As I shut the door Lesley turned around and burst out into a grin. Just as I turned down the sound of my iPod to almost nothing, he spoke.
“Well hello your majesty” I managed a tight smile in return and opened the gate, slipping out.
“Good mood?” Lesley nodded, grinning again and taking out his cigarette, crushing it with his foot.
“Gerard called yesterday, I’m meeting him tonight” and for some reason, his voice faltered at ‘meeting’ and the happiness drained, but it was back before my tired mind could process it, and I lost the trail of thought. Gerard. His boyfriend. Now seemed like a better time to ask about him than before.
“What...” I trailed off, realising I didn’t know what I wanted to say, Lesley looked over at me curiously.
“Tell me about him” Lesley raised an eyebrow and pushed his hands into his pockets, sucking on his cheeks thoughtfully.
“Well... He’s got a lot of tattoos, and a few piercings” he blushed “His hair... a lot like yours, he’s got a nice even tan- when you can see it under all the tattoos” Lesley laughed, he was nervous “Blue eyes, taller than you, pretty uh... well muscled too” I hate blue eyes “And as I said last week, he’s 21”
When I asked about Gerard, I wanted to know what he was like, not what he looked like. I was more interested in the sort of person he was.
But it didn’t matter. In general, I didn’t like people.
The most I could manage after the conversation with Angelica this morning was a nod to indicate I had heard what Lesley had said.
Now the air smelt of water, damp. Just like it had been for the past week, I liked it. I hadn’t seen the blue sky since my first day at school, and the sight of cloudy grey skies and cloudless nights was becoming a regular thing. Before I had arrived here, there had been weeks of sun, which meant weeks of rain. Any normal teenager would miss the sun, and curse the rain.
“You...” Lesley stuttered and took a deep breath, I looked over at him surprised, I had drifted off when he had been battling with a struggle to say something.
“You like... I mean, oh for god sake” He smacked his forehead with one hand then snaked it back into his jacket pocket. He took another deep breath and shook his blonde hair like a lion’s mane.
“What’s your sexuality?” the question was fast, like he was lacking the breath to take it slowly, and the pitch was just a bit too high. I wanted to close my eyes, but I was walking, and it wasn’t logical. Instead, I waited a few moments for my mind too clear of the strange buzzing that came every time something was just too loud.
“I don’t know” I answered honestly; trying not to let my mind drift off too much on the subject, first thing in the morning and thanks to Angelica, only half a cup of coffee and too much talking.
“What do you mean?” Questioned Lesley, becoming seemingly less embarrassed and more curious, I cocked my head to the side as I walked.
“I like both, maybe” Evasive. That was what I was being, I only knew I liked one, and it wasn’t girls.
Skin on skin. Hot, rough contact.
Hair brushing against my cheeks, lips harshly biting down on mine.
Panting, sweating, groaning.
“No-one minds” I looked over at him, blinking away the flash back “The girls love it, and there’s quite a few in the area. A lot of couples, too. Homophobes don’t last long here” He laughed, scattering his hair all around again “We had this one guy, Mark, lasted two weeks. Left the school, no-one has heard off him” I forced a smile onto my face, and Lesley seemed to accept that.
“Do you want to get a coffee? We have another 20 minutes and I don’t fancy being in school longer than necessary” Lesley grimaced and I nodded, glad I was finally getting another caffeine stop up. I wasn’t sure how school would go without one of my vices.
“Alright then, Barley, always go to Barley, never Peter’s cafe, their coffee tastes like a whore’s crotch”
I smiled.
-----------------------------------
[Mental Sickness]
-----------------------------------
“You like it?” I nodded, taking another sip of the black coffee I had ordered, while studiously trying to ignore the fact that the chairs were blue. Faded blue, but still blue. The table was a grey/white; the edges lined with silver metal and bolted down. Barleys was nice inside, it smelt of coffee and the waitress was a pretty, bland girl with a nice smile.
Lesley seemed very pleased with his own coffee, judging by the little moan he gave out when the coffees first arrived, and by the way he kept licking his lips and smiling. He drank his coffee black, he’d given me a whole talk about it. About how he wanted it fresh and strong and that milk was just a waste of a time. I liked his views, because they were like mine. I couldn’t tell him though, the blue was making my eyes and head ache, my mind was fuzzy and I was confused to why I felt the need to talk more than necessary.
Too early, too much blue, too much talking.
Why couldn’t I be normal?
“Do you have a brother?” When I talked, it didn’t hurt as much. But now my throat was aching and my head was wondering why I had asked that, of all things. Lesley stiffened, then forcefully relaxed himself. I could tell because his shoulders went down too quickly.
“Oh uh, no” His hand played with the button of his plaid red t-shirt, seeming to restrain from going somewhere else. I didn’t answer Lesley after that, only wondered if that reaction was normal.
I mean, I’d never talked to someone as much as Lesley, and I’d certainly never come out with a question I hadn’t processed for a few minutes. He was making me unpredictable, and I didn’t like that, I think.
“I never asked, do you have any siblings?”
“No” I swirled the coffee around in my cup. I was glad I didn’t have siblings. They might be loud, colourful, everything I didn’t like. I preferred my fairies.
“You’re lucky” He chuckled, but I knew he didn’t mean it. I may have only been here a week, but he seemed to like Annabelle. A lot, so he was joking, it was a joke. I smiled.
“Why are you so quiet?” I shrugged, taking a sip of my coffee and looking down, away from his pretty jade eyes and hay gold hair.
“I guess I shouldn’t of asked, sorry” Then I looked up, and he had his eyes fixed down, his mouth curved in a frown, before he could notice me I concentrated on the coffee again.
“Okay”
America was changing me, I almost felt bad.
She wanted me to eat breakfast, she wanted me to quit smoking, to take pills for... for my condition. New country, fresh start, she said. She launched it on me this morning, while I sat in the front garden, coffee in one hand, cigarette in the other, black bags hanging hauntingly under my eyes as I used my vices to ward off hunger.
She already worries constantly about my Anemia and now she’s been reading things, things for parents. Anorexia, Depression, Bulimia, Bullying, Bi-polar, Insomnia. Said she wanted to be a better parent, she wants to address my issues. She said there were pills I could take for Insomnia, things I could do to ward off depression, things she could do so I ate well.
I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t anorexic. I didn’t want medicine. That’s what I told her, then I stopped because my throat hurt. She said I should be going out with friends, I should smiling, laughing, she should be telling me off for getting drunk and hitting on girls. She said I should be happy.
But I am happy- I think.
When she had finished talking, not yelling- we could never get to that level, I had gone inside to get my iPod for school.
My hand closed over the cold silver metal of my iPod and I almost smiled at the familiar feeling, almost. It hurt too much. I slipped in the white headphones and turned it up to a reasonable volume, just enough to blank out anything else Angelica would try, but not too much my ears hurt and my mind felt odd.
I grabbed my maths homework from the top of one of the green boxes, folded it neatly and placed it in my jacket pocket. Soon I would need to buy a school bag, not a blue one. Letting my mind free to wander with the fairies I descended the stairs and murmured a vague goodbye to Angelica, not knowing if she responded or not. I took the keys from the dresser next to the door and opened the front door.
Outside it was cold, and wet and smelt of... smoke.
The back of a familiar blondes head was easily visible over the tiny stone wall of my front garden, cigarette trailed from behind the hair. As I shut the door Lesley turned around and burst out into a grin. Just as I turned down the sound of my iPod to almost nothing, he spoke.
“Well hello your majesty” I managed a tight smile in return and opened the gate, slipping out.
“Good mood?” Lesley nodded, grinning again and taking out his cigarette, crushing it with his foot.
“Gerard called yesterday, I’m meeting him tonight” and for some reason, his voice faltered at ‘meeting’ and the happiness drained, but it was back before my tired mind could process it, and I lost the trail of thought. Gerard. His boyfriend. Now seemed like a better time to ask about him than before.
“What...” I trailed off, realising I didn’t know what I wanted to say, Lesley looked over at me curiously.
“Tell me about him” Lesley raised an eyebrow and pushed his hands into his pockets, sucking on his cheeks thoughtfully.
“Well... He’s got a lot of tattoos, and a few piercings” he blushed “His hair... a lot like yours, he’s got a nice even tan- when you can see it under all the tattoos” Lesley laughed, he was nervous “Blue eyes, taller than you, pretty uh... well muscled too” I hate blue eyes “And as I said last week, he’s 21”
When I asked about Gerard, I wanted to know what he was like, not what he looked like. I was more interested in the sort of person he was.
But it didn’t matter. In general, I didn’t like people.
The most I could manage after the conversation with Angelica this morning was a nod to indicate I had heard what Lesley had said.
Now the air smelt of water, damp. Just like it had been for the past week, I liked it. I hadn’t seen the blue sky since my first day at school, and the sight of cloudy grey skies and cloudless nights was becoming a regular thing. Before I had arrived here, there had been weeks of sun, which meant weeks of rain. Any normal teenager would miss the sun, and curse the rain.
“You...” Lesley stuttered and took a deep breath, I looked over at him surprised, I had drifted off when he had been battling with a struggle to say something.
“You like... I mean, oh for god sake” He smacked his forehead with one hand then snaked it back into his jacket pocket. He took another deep breath and shook his blonde hair like a lion’s mane.
“What’s your sexuality?” the question was fast, like he was lacking the breath to take it slowly, and the pitch was just a bit too high. I wanted to close my eyes, but I was walking, and it wasn’t logical. Instead, I waited a few moments for my mind too clear of the strange buzzing that came every time something was just too loud.
“I don’t know” I answered honestly; trying not to let my mind drift off too much on the subject, first thing in the morning and thanks to Angelica, only half a cup of coffee and too much talking.
“What do you mean?” Questioned Lesley, becoming seemingly less embarrassed and more curious, I cocked my head to the side as I walked.
“I like both, maybe” Evasive. That was what I was being, I only knew I liked one, and it wasn’t girls.
Skin on skin. Hot, rough contact.
Hair brushing against my cheeks, lips harshly biting down on mine.
Panting, sweating, groaning.
“No-one minds” I looked over at him, blinking away the flash back “The girls love it, and there’s quite a few in the area. A lot of couples, too. Homophobes don’t last long here” He laughed, scattering his hair all around again “We had this one guy, Mark, lasted two weeks. Left the school, no-one has heard off him” I forced a smile onto my face, and Lesley seemed to accept that.
“Do you want to get a coffee? We have another 20 minutes and I don’t fancy being in school longer than necessary” Lesley grimaced and I nodded, glad I was finally getting another caffeine stop up. I wasn’t sure how school would go without one of my vices.
“Alright then, Barley, always go to Barley, never Peter’s cafe, their coffee tastes like a whore’s crotch”
I smiled.
-----------------------------------
[Mental Sickness]
-----------------------------------
“You like it?” I nodded, taking another sip of the black coffee I had ordered, while studiously trying to ignore the fact that the chairs were blue. Faded blue, but still blue. The table was a grey/white; the edges lined with silver metal and bolted down. Barleys was nice inside, it smelt of coffee and the waitress was a pretty, bland girl with a nice smile.
Lesley seemed very pleased with his own coffee, judging by the little moan he gave out when the coffees first arrived, and by the way he kept licking his lips and smiling. He drank his coffee black, he’d given me a whole talk about it. About how he wanted it fresh and strong and that milk was just a waste of a time. I liked his views, because they were like mine. I couldn’t tell him though, the blue was making my eyes and head ache, my mind was fuzzy and I was confused to why I felt the need to talk more than necessary.
Too early, too much blue, too much talking.
Why couldn’t I be normal?
“Do you have a brother?” When I talked, it didn’t hurt as much. But now my throat was aching and my head was wondering why I had asked that, of all things. Lesley stiffened, then forcefully relaxed himself. I could tell because his shoulders went down too quickly.
“Oh uh, no” His hand played with the button of his plaid red t-shirt, seeming to restrain from going somewhere else. I didn’t answer Lesley after that, only wondered if that reaction was normal.
I mean, I’d never talked to someone as much as Lesley, and I’d certainly never come out with a question I hadn’t processed for a few minutes. He was making me unpredictable, and I didn’t like that, I think.
“I never asked, do you have any siblings?”
“No” I swirled the coffee around in my cup. I was glad I didn’t have siblings. They might be loud, colourful, everything I didn’t like. I preferred my fairies.
“You’re lucky” He chuckled, but I knew he didn’t mean it. I may have only been here a week, but he seemed to like Annabelle. A lot, so he was joking, it was a joke. I smiled.
“Why are you so quiet?” I shrugged, taking a sip of my coffee and looking down, away from his pretty jade eyes and hay gold hair.
“I guess I shouldn’t of asked, sorry” Then I looked up, and he had his eyes fixed down, his mouth curved in a frown, before he could notice me I concentrated on the coffee again.
“Okay”
America was changing me, I almost felt bad.