Three-Fourths

James Diamond was a mosaic, a boy built from the pieces and shards of everyone he knew.

Kendall unknowingly embedded himself into one-fourth of James’s personality, lending the boy his courage. In James, that bravery translated to his ability to win over any girl in a matter of minutes. There was just something that fueled Kendall’s thoughts, never allowing him to back down from a challenge, and James used his exposure to that facet of Kendall’s personality and used it to his advantage, molding it into his trademark relentless charm. Sometimes that courage made come across as being too headstrong, and sometimes James seemed a little too forward, but overall, they both wore the trait well.

Another part of Kendall that James had always admired was how, no matter the consequences, Kendall always stood up for his friends. Even when their friendship was merely sandbox infatuation, James could remember Kendall firing words at anyone who dared to make fun of James’s glasses or Logan’s mouth full of metal. Back then, Kendall was the most intimidating of the four: a tall, lean boy that perpetually sported grass stains on the knees of his jeans. James was just a pretty little boy with crisp clothes and a head full of honey-brown curls, always in fear of getting dirty because of the punishment he’d receive from his mother.

Just a perfect, pretty little boy. The type of little boy you’d see in those flimsy paper photographs that came along with a picture frame.

As the four of them grew physically, James grew emotionally. Puberty hit him like a brick, flooding his body with a frenzy of hormones and foreign thoughts. Kendall was no longer the biggest and strongest of the group, James was, but Kendall still held onto that fierce personality. It wasn’t long before James found himself falling into the role of the protector of the group, though his protection was of a less heroic form. All of the girls in their class admired James like he was some sort of teen idol, but they said some pretty nasty things about Kendall, Logan, and Carlos behind their backs. Sure, Kendall’s face was overtaken by acne at the time, Carlos was never the brightest crayon in the box, and Logan couldn’t carry on a conversation with a girl without stuttering, but James wasn’t exactly perfect himself. He wasn’t as pretty on the inside; he was still just a broken little boy, trying to find his place in the world.

If there was one thing that James’s envied more than anything, it was Carlos’s heart. Even though he didn’t have big dreams or a sense of direction, the boy was about as genuine as they came, and though James tried desperately to emulate that, there was always a hint of selfishness that remained through it all. Carlos also had this zest of life that sent him diving headfirst into any situation, regardless of how reckless it may be. And James was always his right-hand man, his sidekick, willing to go along with any of his thrill-seeking plans, but James could never quite capture that same lust for life. No matter how hard he tried, James could never fully let himself be free, but just being around Carlos gave him a taste of it, opened him up a little. James tried to mimic that reckless, devil-may-care attitude in his swagger and his wardrobe, black motorcycle jacket, red snakeskin pants, white alligator print shoes, but it was just a façade. He was just a boy playing dress up, trying to embody something that he wasn’t but something that he wanted to be so badly.

Carlos didn’t care what anyone thought of him, and that was one thing that James knew he would never be capable of. No matter how many times girls turned him down or guys made rude remarks about him, Carlos didn’t let it affect him. The boy just brushed it off like dust from the hockey helmet he constantly wore on his head. James only wished he could be like that, but James defined himself by what other people thought of him, whether that be for the better or the worse.

Out of his three best friends, Logan was the one with the subtlest effect on James, probably because the two were polar opposites. While James was the life of any party, Logan was the time that kept to himself in the corner. Though the two boys were so different, their contrasts somehow meshed them together. James was intrigued by Logan’s drive, how hard he studied and worked in hopes of someday becoming a doctor. Though James never wanted someone’s life in his hands, he did snag a bit of that ambition and fashioned it towards his celluloid dream of becoming a popstar. Logan was James’s model of what it was to work hard for something, to always keep it in the back of your mind, to never lose sight of your goals in life, of who you want to be.

Logan always carried a sort of rationality around with him, constantly thinking things through, never acting rashly. Every word, every gesture, every glance had its reason. James was slowly learning from Logan not to be a slave to his emotions because sometimes, emotions could get him into trouble.

The only time James had saw Logan waver in his rationality was when James had kissed his girlfriend.

He’d been helping her rehearse for some part in a movie about a robot princess and a hopelessly handsome prince, and they’d both gotten a little caught up in the heat of the moment, so much that a little scripted kiss turned into something more.

James would never forget that desolate look in Logan’s chocolate brown eyes when he told him. In a flurry of emotions, he’d raised his fist, ready to hit James’s face, but when he realized the repercussions that release might bring, he’d lowered in, slowly walking away broken-hearted.

James knew that if he were in Logan’s position, he wouldn’t have been that strong.

So in the end, three-fourths of James came from his three best friends, and he didn’t feel any sort of remorse for losing those three-fourths. In fact, he was actually more proud of the traits and aspects he’d picked up from his friends than he was of the measly one-fourth he’d molded and shaped himself. That fourth was something he tried to keep hidden, locked away beneath the strong points of his best friends. It was a part of him built from his parents’ divorce, years of criticism from his mom, and a strive for perfection that he just couldn’t shake.

James was the product of everyone he knew, whether it be for the better or the worse.