I tied the rope around my neck

“I almost died again, I tied the rope around my neck again”
As Kisschasy pour thought my bedroom speakers, I know tonight will be my last night listing to them.
Tonight will end all nights.
Its my night.
I lay on my bed, tears cascading down my face.
I fought with her again tonight, it was about her having no money.
She calls herself my mother. She’s fucking blind for someone with almost 20/20 vision.
I scroll through my contacts list on my phone, thinking who I can ring, you know what? there’s no one.
Ok well maybe one person, but I’m not going to bother her. She doesn’t need to know that I’m so many hours away, and she doesn’t have time to save me.
There is always him, he’s the only reason I’m STILL here but I’m sure he’s over me bothering him.
I don’t think my “friends” like me, there always trying to tell me they care. But I don’t think they do.
I have trust issues.
I’m a screw up.
I’m a disappointment.
God must hate me (maybe you should pray for me… hahaha, don’t waste your time praying for me)
I don’t know what I did in life.
I was a trouble maker in school. But only after he left.
I hate felling this way.
I don’t like being depressed.
I wish I had the guts to ask for help. But I don’t
I’m weak

I’ve hurt to many people to turn back.
I’ve thought to many dirty thoughts to be ok.
Ill be the arrow shot straight to hell, from the bow of William Tell.
No one has me in there heart, and that’s ok. This isn’t going to hurt them at all.
If they do decide to put a funeral on for me, I only ask they play me one song,
‘good riddance’ by green day.
Oh and ‘I’m Not Ok (I Promise)’ by My Chemical Romance, hahaha they might get the message.
I’m to spiteful to stay here.
If people do love me, I just hurt them.
I’m one of those people that shouldn’t have been born.
You know when people look at a kid and tell the parents there sorry? Me again.

I’ve decided how to do it. Take the pills with the liquor and then the rope around my neck.
That way I know I’m not making it out this time

If you are reading this
Congrats!!! YOU FOUND ME!!
Please don’t try to save me.
I wouldn’t have put this much effort in if I wanted to live.
So just cut me down, put me in the ground ok?
Thanks
Sorry for being a nuisances.
Its just another bloody Monday, so scream.
Kid. Ask for help.
I’m sorry if finding me has fucked you up.
Its not fair that just coz I took my life, you have to be fucked up.
Tell mum I love her,
Tell dad to listen to emotionless by good charlotte.
Tell the boys thanks.
Tell my brothers they rock my world.
Tell holly I’m sorry.
Please. Bury me with one poster, and around what it should be.
If people don’t say my chemical romance, or that other band.
They don’t know me.
Please don’t let people blame them selves for this.
After all, I decided to do this.
No one made me.
Sure no one tried to save me,
But on one made me.

I might see some of you in hell one day.

XxXxXxX Brooke XxXxXxX

I take the pills and put them in my mouth, I pick up the bottle of vodka, taking a mouthful to wash down the not so happy pills, I look around my room one more time, apologising to the bands that line my walls, to every band that has helped me at one point or another. My razor blades catch my eye, and for old time sakes, I pick them up, bring them to my wrists, and make long, vertical cuts up my arms.
I then climb onto my desk, where, I tied the rope I’m going to use to hang myself earlier tonight.
I put my neck through the nose, take a deep breath, and jump, kicking over the chair on the way. I hope no one heard it.
Then my world turns black
YES!!

Pain surges through my body, I open my eyes, and slam them shut again. I flutter them open, and look around, fuck, I’m not in the one place I wanted to be, I’m in a hospital room. All these people I thought didn’t love me, crying.