Paralyzer

Long ass day at work, I just wanted to go to bed. I yanked off my red tie with little skulls on it and unbuttoned my pink shirt, throwing it into my bathroom before opening my bedroom door.
Aaaand there’s a random stranger in my bed. Lovely. I groaned and buttoned my pants again.
“Who are you?” I asked impatiently. The stranger yawned and opened his eyes. He smiled at me.
“I’m Zack. I suppose this is your bed.” He giggled.
“I suppose so.” I arched an eyebrow. “Why exactly are you in my bed?”
“Cause.” He shrugged. “This was the only bed in this building that didn’t already have someone in it.”
“Ok… that doesn’t explain why you broke into my house and you are now in my bed…”
“Because I needed somewhere to sleep?” he said it like it was obvious. What the fuck.
“You broke into my house…” he shrugged.
“I broke into a lot of houses today.” I raised my arms.
“Isn’t that illegal?” he furrowed his eyebrows.
“Yeah.” I sighed.
“I kinda need my bed.” He gave me a beautiful smile and scooted over slightly, as if to give me room. I stared at him. “Uhh…”
“Come on. I don’t bite.” He urged.
“I don’t even know your name, and you want me to share my bed.” I said in disbelief.
“Pretty much. And you do know my name. I told you before. My name’s Zack. Baker. Zack Baker. I prefer to be called Vengeance, but whatever. It’s your bed.” I threw my hands up dramatically.
“I give up! I don’t know who the hell you are. I don’t understand why the hell you are in my bed.” I walked out, shaking my head. Goddamn. I lost my bed to a complete stranger. I guess that’s California.
“Hey wait!” it was the freak who jacked my bed. Zack, I guess. He was running out of my room, completely naked. Which means he was in my bed, COMPLETELY NAKED. I stared at him. He wasn’t bad looking… no! What am I doing?
“What…?”
“I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t mean to take your bed. Believe it or not, this wasn’t random.” He blushed. I don’t know how he can stand there, without any shame, naked, and then blush at nothing. “I kinda saw you the other day. You were fighting with this guy. I figured you were gay, so I wanted to talk to you, but you disappeared. So, I went through this building, trying to find your room.”
“Oh, so you’re an obsessive stalker now. Ok. That makes sense.” I said.
“Who said anything about stalking? It’s not like I broke into… oh. I guess I might be acting a little stalker-ish…” he said, looking down. He seemed to notice he was naked. He giggled. “I’m naked…”
“You just noticed?” he grinned up at me.
“Did you?” I blushed, knowing he knew perfectly well he saw me look at him.
“Ok, so I looked at the naked stalker who just happened to be in my bed. And yes, I’m a little gay… but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like I broke into some random guy’s house I happened to see on the street fighting with his ex…” I scowled. He grinned.
“Guess I’m a freak.”
“I guess.” I cocked an eyebrow. “You’re still in my kitchen, completely naked.”
“So I am. And you’re still staring at me like I’m a large piece of your favorite cake.” He grinned cockily.
“Cocky obsessive stalker freak.” I noted.
“Damn straight.” He smirked.
“You aren’t exactly looking at my face either, Mr. Stalker freak.” he shrugged.
“You’re hot. I can’t help it.”
“Staaaaalker…” I taunted. Wait. What the hell am I doing?
“I guess.” He smirked. “You like it.”
“If you say so. I’m not into the whole ‘creepy ass stalker dude breaking into my house’ thing.” I said.

“You’re still in my kitchen…” I crossed my arms. He smiled.
“And naked.”
“Yes.”
“So.”
“Hot fudge?”
“You have hot fudge?” he bounced excitedly. I stared at him.
“It’s just what I say when there’s nothing else to say…” I said.
“Oh…” he sighed.
“What the hell did you want hot fudge for?” I demanded, not sure I wanted the answer. He smiled widely.
“I like hot fudge. It goes good with sex.” He said.
“Who said anything about sex?”
“I did.” He raised his arm and waved it like a little kid that was answering a question at school.
“Um…”
“Hm… I’m kind of in the mood for sex.” He said, scratching his belly. He glanced up at me. “Sex? Please?”
“Let me get this straight. You, a complete stranger who’s naked in my kitchen, want me, poor innocent me who just wanted a mofucking nap, to have sex with you?”
“With hot fudge!” he grinned widely.
“I don’t have hot fudge…”
“Aww... what kind of lube do you have?”
“Strawberry fla- wait! Why the fuck do you want to know?” I demanded, realizing what he asked.
“Because I want sex? And you’re hot? And I was naked in your bed?” he said. He said it like I should have known.
“I don’t even know you.” I sighed, sitting on the floor.
“You do now!” he said, bouncing again. Hyper little fuck.
“I. Do not. Want to have sex with a stranger.” I said. He blinked at me.
“I. Am not a stranger.”
“Yes you are! You just randomly show up in my bed and you expect me to have sex with you?” I asked in disbelief.
“You’re getting it now!” he smiled. I stood, walked to the wall, and hit my head on it hard.
“Fuck.” I rubbed my forehead and grumbled.
“I’ll get you some ice.” And he skipped off to my freezer to retrieve me some ice. He returned, delicately placing it on my head.
“Thanks.” I growled.
“Now will you have sex with me?” he asked. I sighed.
“Will that make you go away?”
“No…”
“Could you go away anyways?”
“Why would I want to do that? I don’t want to be naked in public!” I groaned and leaned against the wall.
“You, sir, confuse me.”
“And you, sir, need to fuck me.”
“Horn dog stalker…” I grumbled.
“Chu know it!” he put his hands on his hips. If he didn’t have that dick of his, I’d think he was a chick.
“Zack?”
“Yes?”
“What will make you go away?”
“Why? Are you sick of me already?” his voice shook, as if he was about to cry. “Why does this always happen to me?”
“Because you’re a stalker…?”
“Maybe…” I sighed. He was hopeless.
“Zack…”
“No. you know what? Fine. I’ll leave. Just don’t come calling me when you want me back, even though my number is on your table.” He twisted his hips and turned gracefully, walking out with dignity. “Don’t try to stop me! I won’t come back!”
“Ok.” He turned to scowl at me.
“No! This is where you’re supposed to stop me, tell me that you’ll love me forever and beg me not to leave!” he whined angrily.
“I don’t know you…” I said, staring at him.
“Oh, right, like those sexual innuendoes you keep using weren’t to mess with me.”
“That has nothing to do with it…”
“Ok, Matt…” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Is this some weird ploy to get me to have sex with you?”
“Of course. Now fuck me. You’ll feel better.”
“You horny ass stalker, I can’t fuck a stranger.” I whined, throwing the bag of ice. I was getting frustrated.
“Then a date first? I’ll pick you up around eight tomorrow, ok?” and then he walked away. He shut my door behind him. He was finally gone.
“Hell…” I groaned before walking to my room and flopping across my bed, sighing heavily.
My bed smelled like the freaky stalker dude. Goddamnit.