When the Songbird Does Not Sing

After about ten minutes I started walking back to our parents grave from where I had visited our grandparents grave. Not just our grandparents on the Pretons’ but also our grandparents from the Grawsons’ side also; they were all family to me even if I don‘t remember them. I strolled slowly, as much as I hated the cold I would give Mike as much time as I could with our parents. True, we could visit the graveyard anytime we wanted to, but our visits on these days were special. They were different somehow. I guess it was kind of like we were closer together maybe, I don’t really know so I can’t really say.

Gently kicking a stone out of the way, I made my way over to my parents grave, taking note that Mike was already gone. He probably went a different way, and that’s why we didn’t cross paths. I can’t tell of my heart aches in the fact that we didn’t see each other or if I feel guilty for thinking about my brother that way when I am my parents grave. I crouch down on the grass. My hand automatically tracing the indented words on the marker. It said ‘In honor and remembrance hail and farewell.’ Mom had been an author of a murder mystery series and every time a character died in her books she have those words said; in Latin of course, she was famous for it. That and the songbird. The songbird was basically the judge in the entire series. After every crime the bird would stop singing her song and would stop until order and innocence returned to the area.

“Hey, mom, dad. I miss you guys so much. So much has being going on. I don’t know where to start, but the beginning would probably be a good idea, huh?” I laughed a little, but it sounded strain even to me.

I told them a bite about what’s going on in school, the latest gossip and my grades, just a repeat of what was said with Mike, but it still felt like mom and dad were really there just waiting for me on my own time to tell them what I really needed to say. And eventually, I did. I talked about how I didn’t really love Andy. How us going out was more of a cover up so the gossip about me and Mike didn’t spread like wildfires in a woodland forest drought. I told them how I loved Andy the way I should love Mike and vice versa. How Andy’s kisses made me feel weird, and slightly grossed out, and how those short sweet little kiss between Mike and I felt so great and wonderful. But they were suppose to be seen as something loveless and just a greeting.

“I know, I’ve told you guys this before but I really, truly love Mike. I see him as a man, as a lover, someone who can hold me in his arms and keep me safe. Not as the older twin brother I am suppose to see him as. Please tell me, what do I do?” Panic began to well up inside of me, there was no way my dead parents could answer me and I think not having an answer was what bothered me the most, my hands woke me from my panic; screaming at the pain from gripping the grave stone so tightly.

I look down at the ground seeing nothing but yellow withered grass, what a sight for sore eyes! I give up trying to change their color back into a lush green color and rest my now clammy forehead against the cool marble. “I can’t get rid of it. That image of Amy kissing Mike. It makes me feel so sick, and the fact that Mike try to brush it off and act like nothing happened when he knows that I saw them. I thought he couldn’t stand her, but then why is he lip locking with her?! I just can’t stand this! I love him so much, why can’t he see that?” Tears started to prick my eyes but I didn’t dare wipe them away in case this strange magic disappears. I don’t know why I thought this was magical, maybe it wasn’t magic but a cursed spell instead. “I haven’t been able to talk about it with him though. I think I am waiting for him to tell me. For him to tell me that I didn’t see what I thought I saw. That it was all a mistake. That he love no else, but me.” I added the last part quietly.

A sparrow let out a soft chirrup at that moment, and I looked up at the sky and sniffled once before wiping my eyes. The spell had been broken and now I was just some crying teenage girl at her parents grave site, but that’s how it should be, right? No silly, twisted love confessions or hateful thoughts towards overly obsessive fan girls. Just my mother, father and me, but that scarce time is over now, and I must return to normal life where my wish is where Mike and I can be together forever with no false boyfriend and no stupid slut trying to take what belongs to me. But this is just a wish, and wishes don’t come true, do they?