Ready to Go

I couldn’t help but say that I actually wanted this to be awkward. I didn’t know how long we sat in silence with sand up our pants. The waves were becoming mute, as I kept going into deep thought. I wanted the awkwardness, but it seemed like we never had it. I didn’t understand why it was bugging me so much. With the awkward I can go, he can go and this can all be in the past. But knowing Brendon, he doesn’t let things go often.

I was such in this deep thought of catching the awkward that I didn’t notice Brendon had his head on my lap and my fingers were loosely curled into his hair. Honestly, does he have to have that damn gravity pull? I fought myself; I wasn’t going to stare down at him. No, that’s what he wanted. I focused on the waves, they rolled on in and they rolled out. The beautiful crashing noise wasn’t mute. God, it was such a beautiful sound. But then this other sound came into play, overruling the waves, the wind including my breathing. I mindlessly brought my attention to Brendon, he was humming so beautifully.

The more he hummed the more my stomach twisted. I made a face of discomfort, no he wasn’t going to win me over with his humming. I stood in rush, watching as his head landed in the sand. He looked up at me rather quickly.

“What the—what’s wrong?” Brendon asked concerned and he too stood quickly.

“I just think it’s late, I should turn in.” I nodded my excuse.

He looked at me oddly, his eyes roamed over to the bonfire that was still going on. “Late? Uh, well…” He only started.

“Yes, late, I hope you had a wonder time!” I yelled.

“Ivy!” I heard Brendon call. His voice was distant, I turned my head and he was somewhat down the beach and I was already at the stairs. My heavy breathing told me that I ran. Without further care but a stomach that was filled with guilt and fear, I managed to get into my shack of a home. This place gives so much comfort to me.

I undid my pants and kicked them off my legs; I threw the sweater off as well and quickly dove into my bed and curled into the blankets that fit me so well. No other scent but my own. I reached under my pillow and turned on my Ipod while putting in the earphones. It’s probably one of the best gifts I’ve gotten. It was obviously filled with music I loved. It was from Dustin, one of the best men to ever live. I seemed to have drifted off to sleep somewhere within the third or fourth song, there was also banging but I’m sure I was just hearing things. I woke to the brightness of the room, and sighed slightly; I actually wasn’t looking forward to work. So this time I forced myself up and I forced myself to get ready.

The pier is quiet; the workers move about and start to get ready for the day. I head to Joe’s office, clock in and check my job for the day. I work at the game booth; I nodded slightly and head off to the right one. I start to slowly open a bag of balloons, and I’m soon joined by Hilary. The smile on her face makes me suspicious.

“What?” I ask, instead of giving her a kind, ‘Hello’.

“I heard that you and Brendon walked off together.” She stated and nudged me.

“Nothing happened,” I said lightly.

“Bullshit!” I heard Dustin yell from behind me, startling me. “I may not be a girl but I am bright!”

“Yeah, you’re bright.” I mumbled and shook my head, trying to blow up one of the balloons but failed miserably.

“At least, I can blow.” He said sounding a little too proud of himself; he grabbed the balloon from me, blew it up and handed it back to me after tying it. “Oh dude, that came out wrong, didn’t it?”

“No Dustin, not at all…” I said and shook my head, pinning the balloon to the board.

“Anyways,” Hilary started, “So is he a good kisser?”

I looked over to her and shrugged, “I don’t know.” I said calmly and started to blow up the rest of the balloons with the air tank.

“Did he hold you?” Dustin joined in.

“For a moment or two,”

“Are you two dating now?” It was Hilary’s turn to question.

“No,”

“Do you like him?”

“No,”

“When are you going to see him?”

“I don’t know,” They asked more questions about Brendon and myself, I didn’t know what to say more than, ‘No,’ and ‘I don’t know,’ and deep in my stomach with each question that was asked, made it ache a bit. I mean what were they going to tell me if I said, ‘Oh, Brendon started to hum and I ran away,’? It was obviously the stupidest thing to do; I know that, I don’t want someone else to make me feel more horrible. I suppose it’s understandable if he kissed me, and I ran. But no, he didn’t. He just hummed innocently. Why was everything becoming so weird and confusing now?

“Hello Ivy!” Both Dustin and Hilary yelled.

“What did happen between you and Brendon?” Hilary smiled.

“Nothing, seriously, nothing happened, okay? Stop asking.” I said, staring at them and shook my head. “Gees,”

I got stares from them and we all went back to work. They didn’t ask me anymore questions nor did they speak to me unless they had to. It was the first time I actually exploded. I placed myself on the boarded counter of the game once things got slow. Hilary was moved to a different game, leaving me with a quiet Dustin. I swung my legs back and forth, I was slowly spacing out until I heard a familiar voice.

“What?” I asked and looked up to those brown hues.

“I said why are you ignoring me?” Brendon repeated.

“I haven’t seen you since yesterday, how can I be ignoring you?”

“The beach, I called out for you and I went to your sh—home and knocked like a shit load.” He said catching himself at one point.

“Why were you at my place, Brendon?” I asked and stood up.

“He wanted to have make up sex!” Dustin teased.

“Shut up!” Brendon and I both sort of yelled.

I stared at Brendon giving him a disapproving face, I shook my head, “Tell me,” I said and sighed a bit. “Why were you there?”

“I wanted to see if you were okay,” Brendon nodded a bit.

“I was fine,”

“Then explain why you ran off,” He said and crossed his arms over his chest.

“It was late and I had work,” I explained.

Brendon rolled his eyes and gave an un-amused laughed, “Yeah, okay.”

“Yeah, okay then leave, dude!” I said and pointed towards the front of the pier.

“Why are you so scared of me?” He asked and moved closer.

“I’m not scared of you, Brendon.” I looked up at him.

“Prove it,”

I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders up; I didn’t know how to prove it. If kissing him was proving it, then I wasn’t going to prove anything to him. I guess noticing my confused expression, he spoke, “Go back into the water,” He smirked lightly. “Then I’ll believe you’re not scared of anything.”

I stared at his smirk, it was cute. No focus, Ivy. I called in for my break and got my bathing suit on and got myself a towel. The four of us headed down to the beach, yes Dustin and Hilary tagged along. But all I had my mind was that I could do this, and that there was nothing to be scared of. It was just water, just water that can take my life away.

I got closer to the water and took a steady but deep breath, the cold water brushed along my foot. “Ivy, I don’t think this is a good idea.” I heard Dustin say but I chose to ignore him. Not only were Dustin’s concerns starting to fade but everything was too. The brightness of the sun was dimming; the noise from other beach goers did too. Everything was just fading. The coldness of the water made my ankles numb. I felt like it was just me and the ocean as one. As ridiculously stupid as that may sound it was true.

Every move started to become easier and easier, I liked that. I couldn’t describe what happened next, but my gut was telling me that I should’ve listened to Dustin. And the only thing I could think of was why hasn’t a person stuck a waterproof recorder and record under water? Kind of just getting the waves crashing into each other, to me it was perfect. And not to mention the colors that appeared in front of my eyes whenever I opened them. I guess I can really do this.