Protect My Heart

Teagan sat on the passenger seat, her lips pursed and her eyes downcast. Her eyes were bloodshot from all the crying, and her hands were clammy from all the shaking. She tried her best to compose herself, but it was to no avail. She sat still with her head resting against the cool window and did what she was tired of doing: having to wait. She was still waiting for the boy that would never come.

Drops of rain pattered softly against the metal exterior of the car. Eventually the raindrops came faster and it rained harder. At that moment she more than wanted for the rain to stop. Granted, Teagan loved it when it rained, since it hardly ever rained in Arizona, but right then and there she just wished for the rain to go away. It seemed too ironic. It was like the rain was mocking her. A bitter chuckle escaped her lips, for she felt as if the sky could feel her pain. She shut her eyes and let out a deep sigh.

When she closed her eyes, she expected peace to wash over her, but of course luck wasn’t on her side that day. She thought about everything that had happened over the previous hour. She just couldn’t believe any of it. Sure, she had known that it was bound to happen some time in the distant future, but she hadn’t expected that Liam would want to settle down so soon. She’d expected that when that time came, she would have gotten over him already—she would’ve moved on, she would’ve not stuck around, she would’ve stopped loving. But there was also no denying the fact that there had always been this little spark of hope in her that Liam would break up with Natalie.

But she hadn’t been granted that. Instead, everything—the news of Liam and Natalie’s engagement most especially—came crashing down on her in such a short period of time that she couldn’t cope up with it—all of it—anymore.

As she contemplated about it, she could only feel the tears struggling to make their reappearance even more. She felt helpless, she felt defeated, but most of all she felt sorry—sorry for herself, for being hopelessly in love with a guy, her best friend at that, who was not capable of giving her anything more than friendship and who would never return her feelings because his heart was already taken.

Three fast raps against the window took her away from her train of thought. She opened her eyes with much uncertainty clouding them and bit her lip. She blinked back the hot tears already threatening to spill down her hazel orbs. She saw John, his skinny frame soaking wet under the rain. He was peering at her through the car window next to the driver’s seat. She quickly reached across where she was sitting and unlocked the door for him. He quickly got in as Teagan once again rested her head against the window, letting her thoughts wander for a second time. Not a single word was spoken between them. The two stared blankly into the horizon, the sound of rain outside consuming them.

“How are you feeling?” John finally spoke up, turning to her.

She scrunched her eyebrows and sighed in defeat. “Heartbroken,” she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could reply. He didn’t know what to do. It hurt him deeply that this girl—this girl he loved the most—was beside him, crying over the boy she loved—the boy that wasn’t him, the boy that he could and would never be.

The brunette turned to face the green-eyed boy beside her. “Why are you sorry?” she asked him softly. She didn’t understand why he was sorry. She didn’t even want to make him feel sorry. “It’s not like it was your fault. And besides, there’s nothing you can really do about it.”

But there is something I could do, John mused to himself. I could fix you if you would just let me try. He didn’t have the courage to voice that out, but he had to bite his tongue to keep himself from talking. He had to remind himself that she was too painfully fragile, as if one wrong move would break her into pieces. And in a way, that was true.

“I’ll live,” she continued when he didn’t reply. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head off.” She offered him a sad smile.

John could almost feel his own heart breaking for the girl beside him. There was nothing he could do or even say at the moment to make all the pain go away. He looked at the girl beside him. She was at her most vulnerable state. He gently placed one hand on the back of her neck, pulled her towards him, and pressed his lips to her temple. It was a simple gesture that he had hoped would make the situation better. And somehow, it did. “I know you will. You’re stronger than that, baby girl.”

Upon hearing those words from him, she finally flashed him a smile—a genuine one. John O’Callaghan always knew how to make her smile. He was staring intently into her eyes. Unable to look away from him, her face turned into a shade of scarlet.

He broke the eye contact and sighed. She slumped against her seat. “Let’s go home?” he asked more than stated, as he put the keys into the ignition and revved up the engine.

“Wait,” she said, placing her hand on his arm, “do you mind if we stop by Walmart?” Her mouth curved into a small smirk. “I could really use some Ben and Jerry’s right now.”

He chuckled, glad that Teagan was in a better mood already. “Not at all. Besides, I’m really hungry too since we weren’t able to finish dinner and all.”

“I’m sorry,” she replied sheepishly.

“Eh,” he said, shrugging, “I don’t really mind.” For him, not finishing dinner was better than having to see Teagan get hurt even more. Although it was very cliché for him to feel that way, he was willing to sacrifice anything—everything—just to make her happy.

It never occurred to Teagan before now that John, her best friend John, always had the ability to make her smile. And it seemed like he wasn’t even trying his hardest. She couldn’t explain it. He just did—effortlessly.

John, on the other hand, was still patiently waiting for the day that Teagan would notice him—really notice him. Not as the best friend who had always been there by her side, but as the best friend who had been secretly in love with her for ages. But that day still seemed too far away, and he kept doing what he was good at: having to wait. He was still waiting for the girl that would never notice.

*

“Remind me again how I got sucked into doing this?” John asked, scrunching his nose in disgust as he looked from the TV to the girl beside him.

Teagan flashed him a cheeky grin. “Because I’m your best friend and you love me and you’ll do everything to make me happy!” she replied jokingly as she placed the now empty Ben & Jerry’s container on the coffee table in front of them. “And besides, you love The Zohan!”

“Not when I’ve watched it a zillion times with you!” John exclaimed. “C’mon babe,” he coaxed, “can’t you at least pick another movie?”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “No.”

He jutted out his bottom lip in a pout. “Please?”

“No.”

“Please, please please?”

“NO!”

“Teagan,” John said, stressing on her name, “please?”

“Fine!” she said, finally giving in. She crossed her arms. “But just this one time! This was supposed to be my night,” she added.

“YES!” John sprang up from the couch, grabbed the plastic case of Grown Ups, and popped it into the DVD player. As soon as the movie started, Teagan recognized it and she smiled up at him.

“Okay, I guess I can forgive you for being annoying because I love this movie.”

He only smiled back at her and put his arms around her. He wasn’t going to argue.

Half an hour into the movie, and John’s phone rang, indicating he had a new message. Gingerly, he unwrapped his arms from Teagan’s body and reached for his phone.

From: Liam Harris
Message: If Teagan’s feeling better by tomorrow, what do you say about getting breakfast together? Teagan, you, me, and Nat.

John bit his lip and shifted his gaze from his phone to the beautiful brunette beside him. He sighed, unsure of what to reply to Liam. He set his phone on the table and wrapped his arms around Teagan again.

“Who was it?” she asked him meekly, her eyes never leaving the screen.

“Liam,” he answered. She cringed slightly upon hearing his name. “He, uh, he invited us to breakfast tomorrow with him and Nat. I-Do you w-want to go?”

“Oh, um,” she stuttered, “I-I don’t think I’m ready to face them yet.”

His eyes softened. “Teag, you do know you’d have to face them soon, right?”

“I-I know John,” she said, turning around to face him. “I-I just don’t think I’m ready. It’s easier said than done. I will, but n-not now, okay?” she promised him. “I-I need time.”

“Alright,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Whatever you want, babe.”

She didn’t remember how it had happened exactly, but some time during the third movie, they changed positions and ended up lying side-by-side on the couch. John was already starting to fall asleep, his back pressed against the leather material and Teagan snuggled herself against his body. His arms were still enveloped around her.

A little part of him wanted to stay like that, forever. But the other part of him, the rational-thinking one, told him that would never happen and that it was impossible.

Feeling her eyes begin to droop, she reached for the remotes and turned off both the television and DVD player. She settled back on the couch and buried her face against his chest.

Teagan Reed braced herself for one hell of a long sleepless night.