Paint Me an Image

Matt and I sat in the restaurant, eating our food. I could tell that he was waiting for me to start talking but I honestly didn't know where to start.

"Just start at the beginning," Matt murmured, reading my thoughts.

"That's nine years ago..."

Matt smiled and shrugged, "I don't mind."

I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to remember all the important things. "When I left I went and enrolled in college. When I was there I met a guy named Anthony..." I trailed off for a moment, judging Matt's reaction, when I saw that he was fine, I continued, "I was young and thought I was in love so I acted stupid and followed him around like a little lost puppy. He was five years older than me and I thought that he could give me everything that I'd ever need in life so that I would never have to come back here..." I stopped Matt as he tried to interrupt.

"After a few months he started to push me around and yell at me in front of his friends. After almost two years he starting hitting me whenever I did something without his permission. After four year he would force himself on me. It got worse and worse," I stopped and closed my eyes, remembering all the feelings that Anthony brought out in me. The anger, the pain, the hurt. Everything that I didn't need in my life.

"He uh," I swallowed as Matt took my hand in his, "He started raping me at night when he came home." I wiped the tears away as Matt began fuming.

"He's dead, Im. And if he isn't, I'm going to murder him-" I cut Matt off quickly.

"No!" I shouted as I wiped tears off of my cheeks, the fear instantly replacing the sadness, "Stay away from him, Matt. I mean it!"

I ignored the looks from people around us and continued, hoping to get it out before I couldn't speak anymore. "Ant was a bad person, Matt. He didn't care about me, just the trust fund money from my parents and the drugs he could buy with it."

Matt's jaw was set as he gripped onto my hand harder, encouraging me to continue.

"I got away from him just months before I came back here," I sighed, "But he's getting out of jail soon and he'll be looking for me. Once he finds out that there's a guy in my life, he'll get so jealous..." I cried, "And he'll try to hurt you, Matt. He tries to take everyone away from me so that I have no one left. He tried to take Dre away but I couldn't..." I was crying by now, "I couldn't let him, Matt. I need Andre. I need him!"

Matt walked over to my side of the table and pulled me into his strong arms. I yelled and pushed him away from him. "No!" I shouted, "Leave! Before he hurts you!" I couldn't find myself as Matt picked me up and carried me out of the restaurant, not oblivious to the people around us, wondering what was going on with me. But I couldn't explain to groups of strangers, my past. The man that haunts my dreams every night and makes me fear for the safety of those around me.

I couldn't even tell Matt the worst of it. That he'd let his friends have their way with me after he'd dope me up and knock me out. How could I tell Matt that I was dirty and used, yet I wished that Matt could be mine, even though I knew he could be killed, murdered.

"I need Andre," I cried as Matt carried me, "I need him," I sobbed as I wrapped my fingers in Matt's shirt. "Please."

"No, Im. I'm right here," Matt pleaded, "I can protect you."

I shook my head with my eyes closed, "No one can protect me."

Matt growled, "I can protect you, Imogen. I swear on my life."

"Don't say that!" I shouted as I smacked his chest with as much force as I could, "It could be your life on the line!"

I could tell when Matt entered the bus and when Brian shouted, "What happened to her?" in a concerned way.

"Nothing lately," Matt murmured, "She needs to sleep."

Then I felt myself being pushed into a bunk that was higher than my own and then Matt crawl in next to me. I wrapped my arms around his stomach and buried my face in his shirt. "I need you," I whispered, "I'm beaten and broken."

Then after a minute, after thoughts flew by, I added, "And no matter what, I'm damned."