A spotlight of my own

The summer between my senior season at Shattuck and my freshman year at Boston college was a blur. The whole summer I spent back in Buffalo training with my brothers and spending the little time I had left before college with my family. Then came August and the start of my short Boston College career.

I had been to Boston about 10 times in my life, that including my official visit, and I always marveled at how the city was kept so beautiful through the years. Luckily for me Boston College was set very close to downtown and it would later become my escape.

“Hello Boys and Shauna, I’d just like to start of by saying I see a lot of potential with this team and I hope you all feel the same.” It was about 3 weeks into the academic year and Coach Jerry York had wanted to call an early team meeting before we started training as a team.

It was the same at BC as it was when Mr. Parise introduced me at Shattuck, beady eyes all starring at me, making judgments before I even had a second to talk to any of them.

“We start training tomorrow, I hope you all have you’re shit together, now for the next half hour I’ll leave you guys to bond. Get to it, this isn’t youth hockey anymore.” And with that Coach walked out, along with my hope of getting out of there without saying a word.

“I’ve heard about you Shauna.” I was attempting to get my phone out of my backpack when one of my new teammates tapped me on the shoulder. “You’re beast.”

I bet I blushed at that, “Thanks, wait what’s your name?” I felt bad asking but I didn’t really pay attention to hockey prospect stuff while I was at Shattuck.

“You’re welcome, and your eyes are so blue, I’m Patch Alber, You’re fellow Freshman New Yorker.”

His smile almost made me dismiss his flirting but I knew I had to lay down the law now on these guys, I didn’t need any of this flirting, I was here for hockey. That was it.

“Oh okay, Well nice to meet you Patch, hey maybe we’ll be line mates? I have to announce something real quick though.” I remember the confused look he gave me as I got up and headed to the podium in the conference room.

“Um, Hi guys I’m Shauna and I thought I just throw this out here right now and be forward with all of you, I’m not here because I’m a, what did they call it? Oh yeah, puck bunny, I’m here to play. I’m here to kick ass, I’m here to win a national title so if anyone feels the need to stop starring and start treating me like one of you guys I’ll be in my dorm, room 78-A in Clover hall. See you all tomorrow.”

I can only imagine what the boys thought as I walked out, I felt bad because I had a hunch Patch thought I was directing it completely towards him but I dismissed the thought soon after, he’d understand soon enough I wasn’t.

The boys never realized I deserved to be on the team. No matter how many goals I got, no matter how many assists I’d give, no matter how many checks I’d throw it never mattered. I was treated as the team whore, they’d talk dirty to my face, not when Coach was around of course, but in the locker rooms, buses and at team parties. I was heartbreaking…not only emotionally but physically. I’d have to do it all myself, the boys didn’t pass to me unless I was wide open calling and slapping my stick. They wouldn’t protect me when I went into corners or when rivals threw punches at me, they were not my Shattuck boys.

Every time I’d compare the BC boys with SSM guys I would always start crying. It had been 3 years since I talked to Sid, Jon, Jack and Taylor, the 4 guys I thought would never forget me. It was obvious they had, sure I had changed my number but that couldn’t of been the reason, I had a face book, last time I checked we were all still friends.

How could I blame them though? They were probably out living their dreams, During my final years at Shattuck and my year at Boston College I had payed no attention to the NHL, I could honestly care less, not knowing that in those years the boys were drafted and doing beyond well.

The 2010 Olympics came and went for me because I was so into winning my national title. Coach had pulled me aside in I think early February right around the time the Olympics started and basically told me for the next 2 months I would have to dominate to bring us to the title game. BC’s dreams were rested upon my shoulder, if only I had known my Shattuck boys were playing in Vancouver back then, I would have had some sort of break from the pressure.

The BC boys never talked to me on the bench, except for Patch sometimes, and even then it was a Hey, Good shot or something like that, none of them even mentioned the Olympics if I remember correctly.

The end of February and March went by quick with me juggling hockey and school. My family came and visited as much as possible but having Junior in the NFL and Dominic preparing for his draft day they couldn’t come more then once every month. I didn’t mind, sure those 7 years I had limited time with my family, but I realized my brothers were doing great things. I knew my parents in the end would be there for me, no matter what, they were the only ones I needed.

I liked being alone, I never had time for friends or dates and didn’t want them till after college. At Shattuck and at BC I never made an effort to make friends, what was the point? It seemed like every girl I had ever talked to couldn’t grasp the concept of me playing hockey. The boy problem was an issue, At Shattuck I would go to dances with my a guy from my team, always as friends. I wanted to find a guy at one point but I never knew how to act around them, I would wish sometimes at nights that one of my teammates would eventually fall in-love with me. That never happened, and never will, Imagine how much drama that would cause for one thing. I knew it wasn’t my looks either, Who could resist a body with all the right curves, strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes…I just didn’t get it.

The weeks of NCAA playoffs were the best time of my career, I had at least a point every game and led my team all the way to Detroit, just like coach told me I had too.

We headed into Detroit a week earlier just to prepare for what we were really playing in. it was the frozen four of 2010, we were one of the best teams in the country, sure I had the feeling with Shattuck before, but this was different. I had worked my ass off to get that far and I knew in my heart I could win it all, not for my team but for the college and my Coach.

On Wednesday, the day before our first game against Miami of Ohio, I headed to the local rink in Lansing.

The minute I drove in I knew something was going on, they’re were cars everywhere but just like it had in Shattuck, my curiosity took me inside the doors.

It was all too similar back then, the banners, the play passes, the bags, the sticks. I was walking into the 2010 Girls USA National Championships as I’d figure out from asking bystanders.

“You’re Shauna Jeno aren’t you?” A young girl with a black jacket asked.

“Yes I am, I take it as you’re taking part in this?”

“Yes! I play for the Buffalo Bison’s 12u team!”

“Oh buffalo! My town! Hey give me your times and maybe I’ll swing by and cheer you on if you want!”

“OOK! Mommy!” The girl called to her mother that was chatting with what I guessed to be the teammate’s moms. “Mom this is Shauna Jeno the girl I told you about, my idol mommy! She said she’d come to one of our games! Tell her my schedule please!”

“I know who this is darling, nice to meet you Shauna, I know honey settle down she her for Nationals too you know, she might not have time.” Her mother extended an hand to me before smiling at her daughter and winking at me.

“Nice to meet you too! I think I’ll have time, we’re here till Sunday anyways.”

The mother gave me her Nationals broacher and circled the games.

“It’d mean so much to Marissa if you came. You’re her idol, You’re the teams idol, I wish girls were more like you.”

“Why thank you, And I’ll talk to my coach tonight to see if I can come to any. But if you don’t mind me asking why am their idols? I haven’t done anything that they can’t do?”

The look she gave me was one of concern it seemed like.

“Shauna you’ve done something no girl will probably ever do. You’re playing men’s hockey and dominating at it, sure these girls are at Nationals but they’ll never be as good as you Shauna. Do you realize how proud Buffalo is of you?” She hesitated for a minute then continued, “Marissa told you we’re from Buffalo right?”

I smiled and nodded while politely telling her I had to go, we exchanged numbers and I was off.

We won our game that following day 7-1 with my hat-trick leading the tallies. My teammates tried bringing me out clubbing with them but I restrained. They had been so crude to me all year, why should I be happy with them now? I could tell Patch didn’t know what to think when I denied it, all year he was fighting the battle of which side to be on but it was obvious he didn’t want any bull shit from the guys. I was fine with that, I didn’t need him.

That Friday I headed back to Nationals to see the Buffalo girls win and I was actually surprised with how the game went. For 12 year olds the girls were fast and had smarts that were undeniable. I remember watching the game and being so shocked at how different the style of play was, the parents would periodically ask questions, about hockey and the family, and thank me for coming. It was overall good experience and meeting those parents brought out a real pride in myself.

We ended up winning the National Championship in dominating fashion. I had scored 3 goals and assisted Patch’s goal. It wasn’t exciting though, Sure lifting the trophy was, but it wasn’t like Shattuck. Wasn’t even close. I was getting sick of comparing everything to Shattuck but how couldn’t I? Back then everything was prefect.

My parents weren’t there when I raised the trophy like I thought they would be. My mother had texted me the previous day after Marissa’s game telling me Dominic had a meeting with the new England Patriots and they both had to be there.

After the game I was searching the player’s parents section looking for any familiar face, a family friend, a relative but I never found one until I looked toward the glass. There was Marissa and her mom, standing there cheering, smiling toward me. I gave the an excited smile and held up one finger to tell them to wait for me.

I smiled in the team picture sitting on my butt next to patches holding the one finger up screaming. I wanted people to think I was happy at least.

I skated over toward Marissa and her mom holding the trophy while everyone watched.

“Come toward the bench!” I remember yelling through the class hoping they’d hear me.

“WHAT?” Marissa screamed back. I pointed toward the bench and her mom nodded clutching onto Marissa’s arm and pulling her toward the bench area. I skated along side the glass with the trophy wving at fans and smiling making sure I made as much eye contact with people as possible, I knew this would be my last time on the ice and I wanted it to be as sweet as possible.

The week before the Frozen Four I had had enough, That year was hell. No matter how good my stats were I was never having fun and no matter what that’s what I played for. I planned on telling my parents after the game but I figured I’d just delay it till summer.

“You did very good Shauna.” Coach told me when I reached the bench, “I’m going to need to talk to you after.”

“Thanks Coach, I’ll be just a few more minutes…meet in the locker room?”

“Yes, now show them the trophy.” He winked and walked into the hallway toward the room.

“Shauna this is so cool!” Marissa squealed as I lifted her from her mothers grasp onto the bench.

“I know right? Someday you’ll have one too.”

“Yeah right, can I touch?” She asked with the cutest smile on her face. She reminded me of myself when I first went to the Hockey Hall of Fame, the Stanley Cup sitting there, so tempting.

“Of course, hold it if you want, want a picture?”

I grabbed the camera from her mom and took the picture as she held the trophy and bid my farewells. I told her mom to that’d I’d call her when I got back in Buffalo seeing as they seemed like they generally cared about me as a person, not as the hockey player.

Heading back to Boston I thought more about my decision to quit, after the game coach told me that there were plenty of NHL scouts watching and that in 4 weeks I would be invited to some NHL prospects meeting in Toronto. I didn’t know what to do, if the NHL was anything like BC it was a big fat no but if it was like Shattuck well obviously that would have been a yes.

My parents called the day I got back congratulating me and telling me how proud they were but it didn’t feel so heartfelt. I kept a monotone the whole talk, thanking them and telling them I’d be home in a week for the NHL prospects meeting but they had already known. While they were in New England supposedly my father had flicked across the NHL channel and my name was being talked about by the broadcasters and how I looked like the future of the league. My parents stressed to me that going into Toronto I would have to keep my head straight and realize I was a girl heading there.

A week later I arrived in good ole Buffalo and back with my family. Dominic was home and as soon as I entered he trampled me to the floor with his freakish football strength.

“You fucker, thanks for telling you won! Text me next time!” He yelled as got up.

“Dom watch the language!”

Finally I was home.