Don't Tell Your Mom the Babysitter Was in My Bed

New beginnings are usually harder than you expect them to be. You think you can just go and leave everyone behind, although now, they're with you more now than they were before. They are constantly on your mind and everything that you do reminds you of them. You see them on the street and you see them in grocery stores, you see them everywhere you go, only to do a double take a find out that it was someone who wasn't them.You moved on to get away from that person, but you find yourself wishing that they were there. This is the hardest part about new beginnings.

I sighed as I walked back into my apartment and slammed the door shut behind me. I plopped down on my leather couch, thinking about my shitty day on the shitty job. I work as a cashier at the local Food Lion and I got robbed today. Who would've thought? With my luck, I'm really not surprised. I got a gun held to my head for the first time ever and to be honest, I didn't really care. I'm just so unhappy with myself and my life that it doesn't even matter. I pet my dog, Hollywood when he hopped up on the couch to greet me. Johnny had loved my dog and Matt seemed to be fond of him as well. I hugged my dog and I could have swore that I got a whiff of Johnny's cologne from him, but I knew that it couldn't be. I hadn't seen Matt or Johnny, or any of the other guys in foREVer. I hadn't counted how long because I knew that it would only make it worse. Johnny had honestly become my best friend and he was the only person that I knew to confide in and Matt...I had come to terms that I was in love with him the day that he left. I had to stop driving when I passed the field that Matt had taken me to once. The one that he had hit me in. I know that he didn't mean to hit me and I had forgiven him for it long ago, but I had to stop and sit there. I couldn't even breath, I felt like I would collapse. I sat there for the longest time and just cried. I never in a million years thought that Matt would confess his love to me and I honestly didn't believe at first that he was telling the truth. Then I thought of all of the occurrences that had happened. He had never forced me to do anything and he seemed to never notice anyone else in the room when I was around. When we were together it seemed like we were the only two people in the world. When he touched me or kissed me, I got chills and I felt like my whole body lit up with fire. I remembered how sweet he was when we were alone. He would always hold my hand and kiss my forehead and kissed me when it seemed like I needed it the most. I remembered the way his eyes lit up when I smiled at him. The way he had held his posture when he confessed his love for me. He let all of his walls down at that moment and he showed me his soul for me to just injure him and break his heart. Matt seemed like one of the strongest people I'd ever met- no one could hurt him, but that night he showed me his weakness, and that was me. I wondered if he had felt this way about Val at one point...or maybe if he still does. I look up at the stars every night and wonder if he's looking at them too (even though that's cheesy.) and I also wonder if he's happy. I wonder if he's decided to move on or if he's holding on to the love he felt for me. I miss him so much. I miss his smile, I miss his dimples, his eyes, his tattoos, and even his voice. I miss the way his hand felt in mine and the way his lips felt softly pressed to mine. But I need to forget him. Especially if I'll never see him again. I jumped out of my deep thoughts when my phone started playing an Avenged Sevenfold song. My eyebrows scrunched together, knowing good and well that whoever is calling me could be one of two people. I was too afraid to read the name that I knew would pop up on the screen and see the familiar picture, so I just closed my eyes before I got a chance to see and pressed the talk button.

"Hello?" I asked, almost in a scared tone. I was reluctant to find out who it was. I knew if it was Matt that I wouldn't be able to say a word.

"Hey! How's my girl?!" Johnny asked in a very excited tone. I smiled immediately when I heard his beautiful voice. I had never noticed how much I enjoyed hearing his voice. It immediately made me happy. I suddenly forgot the reason why I was so depressed.

"How am I? I am wonderful now that you called." I replied in a happy tone. I excitedly hugged my dog and I got a lick on the cheek in return.

"I'm glad to hear that. So how was your day?" he seemed as if he didn't have anything else to talk about.

"Johnny, I haven't seen you in 6 fucking months and you're asking me how my day was?!" I asked in disbelief. I knew he wouldn't be angry with me for saying that.

"I guess I am." he replied with a light chuckle.

"I got fucking robbed and someone held a gun to my head, but it doesn't matter now...since you called, I mean."

"Shit, of all days I decide to call you... I had a weird feeling that I should call and check on you today."

"That's funny...So how's...everyone?" I asked, too afraid to ask about Matt directly.

"Matt's okay, Lacey." he told me in a disappointed tone. I knew that he would figure out that I meant Matt... He always could read me like a book.

"More importantly, how are you?" I asked, trying not to make him think that I only care about Matt, because I honestly do care about him. More than he knows. He was my best friend.

"I'm alive." he told me after he released a breath.

"Johnny. I miss you." I told him quietly. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, just appreciating his voice and not taking it for granted like I used to.

"I miss you too, Lacey. More than you know. Why the hell do you miss me? There's no reason to miss me, just bring in a drunk homeless guy and it'll be the same as me." he joked.

"No one could ever be the same as you. You were always there for me, John boy. Through all of Matt's shit and mood-swings, you were always just there." I told him, shaking my head.

"Well, I'm still here... well, I am here, actually." he said with a chuckle.

"You haven't called me since I left, Johnny. I thought you hated my guts." I told him honestly. I really thought he did.

"I just couldn't call you, Lacey. I just had to get over you...but that's actually not what I meant. I mean, I'm here."

"What? What do you mean, you're here?" I asked him in a confused voice. I scrunched my eyebrows and looked around. I don't see anyone.

"I'm in Cleveland, Ohio." he replied in a 'duh' tone.

"WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU AT MY APARTMENT, THEN?!?!?" I asked, more excited than I had been in forever. I felt my heart start to beat faster than I can run.

"Because I don't know where you live. If I knew, don't you think that I would have showed up at your doorstep to surprise you? I wasn't kidding when I said that I missed you." he explained.

"Well, where are you?" I asked him. If I knew where he was, it would be easier for me to tell him how to find me.

"Fucking super eight hotel." he replied in a grouchy tone.

"Dude, you're only like 10 minutes away!" I said excitedly. I told him the directions like five time, making sure that he didn't get lost on his way. I wanted to MAKE SURE that I saw him tonight. I was thankful that I had taken a shower this morning because I knew I wouldn't have enough time to do that before he got here. I changed into some cute clothes and then I did my hair and make-up. I didn't want to look like shit when he saw me because I had looked horrible the past six months. I've lost 20 pounds because of my lack of appetite. But it's not like I try to starve myself or anything- I eat when I'm hungry and don't eat when I'm not. Simple as that.

About thirty minutes had passed when I started to get pretty worried about Johnny. That's about when he knocked on the door, too. I let out a breath of air that I had been holding for twenty minutes. I pulled the door open and immediately threw myself into Johnny's arms. The familiar smell of his cologne spilled into the air and I immediately breathed it in, letting it comfort me. I squeezed him as hard as I could and refused to let go.

"I missed you too." he told me, hugging me just as tight. He rubbed circles on my back with his hand as I held him still. My dog was also happy to see him, jumping up on him and wagging his little stubby tail furiously. Finally I let go of him, taking his hand and pulling him in my apartment. I turned around just to look at him for a minute. He actually looked good and he was very attractive. He wore a white shirt, a leather jacket, jeans, and converse sneakers. Don't forget the sunglasses. Do I even need to say what they look like?

"Damn, you look good." he complimented me with a confident smile. I guess he was doing the same thing - checking me out.

"Not too bad, yourself, Mr. Christ." I told him with a big smile.

"So, were you going somewhere?" he asked me, looking me up and down again. I smiled at him again, just excited that he was there.

"As a matter of fact, I was... But since you're here, I don't give a shit, we can stay here, or we can go out." I told him with a shrug. He pursed his lips and sighed, looking around for a minute.

"There's actually this party that the guys and I are supposed to attend. It's gonna be on tv and shit, but I was gonna ask you to be my date tonight."

"But why is it in Ohio instead of California or some shit?" I asked him without even thinking about whether or not I wanted to go.

"Don't ask me..." he replied with a shrug. I just nodded at him and thought for a minute.

"I'll go with you...but you have to let me change into something with more 'party on tv' vibe." I told him.

"Sure, sure." he agreed and waited patiently until I changed into my dress.

"Wow, you're absolutely gorgeous." he told me as I came back downstairs. I smiled sweetly at him.

"I'm not over dressed am I?" I asked him, looking down at myself.

"Of course not." he told me, lightly taking my hand.

"How has life been lately, Johnny?" I asked him as we walked outside to his car.

"It's been okay, honestly. We've been recording an album." he said as if recording an album was just an ordinary thing. Well...it probably is to him. I nodded thoughtfully at him.

"Did any of your songs get used?" I asked him. I wondered if he had any songs about me... or maybe even Matt wrote a song about me... Don't flatter yourself, Lacey.

"Ahhh, a couple." he replied with a shrug. I nodded, not wanting to pry too much. I'll just buy the cd when it comes out and listen to every song and see if I hear anything about me or something that could possibly be about me. We got into his car and he headed out of the parking lot without any other words.

"Johnny...Is Matt gonna be there?" I had to ask... I couldn't stop myself.

"Yeah... Please tell me you're over him." he replied with a disappointed face. I was silent for a second and when I didn't reply Johnny shook his head.

"Johnny... I don't know what I'm gonna do..." I told him, shaking my head the same way that he had.

"I hope you know that he's going to be less than happy that you're my date...But I should warn you...he has a date, too." I was stunned by his words. I bet he moved on a long time ago. Nonetheless, I would still be happy to see him.

"Ahhh, How is queen V these days?" I asked with an amused tone.

"It's not Val... but it's not my place to tell you anything about that." he told me, looking over at me. He suddenly felt like a stranger. I knew a time when he told me everything.

"So he's playing another whore... I should've knew that he hadn't changed. I should know better." I replied, suddenly feeling angry with Matt.

"So what? You thought he was just gonna stand around and wait for someone who wasn't coming back? You're wrong, Matt deals the best he can. Maybe you should move on to someone who could actually take care of you...like, say....I dunno...ME!" he said, the anger in his voice, matching my mood.

"You're right... Matt cheated on Val and who's to say he wouldn't do it again." I told Johnny, looking over at him.

"Lacey, I think I can help you get over him...if you let me."

"Please." I whispered, desperation evident on my voice. He smiled sympathetically at me and took my hand. I honestly think that Johnny can help me through this phase that I call Matt. If I can let him. I looked into his beautiful hazel eyes. They had a bluish tint, unlike Matt's. I knew that we'd make it to the party soon and I also knew that seeing Matt would be a hard thing to deal with.