Don't Tell Your Mom the Babysitter Was in My Bed

I hadn't seen Matt since Johnny chased him out of the hospital room. I would've kicked Johnny's ass myself for being so immature, but you know...I'm the one who was in the hospital for being shot!

"Hey man, I'm not gonna fight you. We're friends." Matt had said, holding his hands up after Johnny told him to get the fuck out of here before he gets his ass beat. I tried to cut in, but their yelling simply drowned my words out. Honestly, I just wanted Matt there with me. I missed him like crazy and I wanted like hell to break it off with Johnny just so Matt could come back, but I knew that wouldn't be right. I had to at least give Johnny a chance. I honestly don't know if I really have been giving him a chance. I hadn't been because I honestly just didn't want to. I'm just a horrible person. I've always wanted Matt and now that Val's gone, I could have him, but I am the main person who is keeping me from that. My personal morals won't let me give in. I have to at least try before I throw caution to the wind and take Matt into my arms. Yeah, yeah, I'm no poet, but you know what I mean. I can't believe that I told Matt that I loved him. Honestly, I hadn't even established it myself...I just sort of felt it so it came out of my mouth. It was weird, the weirdest thing I've ever done, actually. I never say anything unless I think about it first...well unless I'm mad. And when I'm mad, I'm passionate. I get passionate about things and Matt is definitely something I am passionate about. I mean, passion is something that isn't really ruled by thoughts or reason. One thing that really bothered me was that Matt didn't say it back. He has told me before that he loved me, but maybe he wasn't serious. Maybe he's still playing games with me. Or maybe he did love me and now he doesn't anymore...or maybe something is keeping him from saying it. Maybe he doesn't want to be hurt by me. Again. I really couldn't blame him for that. I have my cell back and I can always text him and ask what's up, but I'd rather that conversation be in person.

Now, I'm at home with Johnny. I have to admit, he's the sweetest guy. He has been catering to my every need. He brings me, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even desert in bed. Although I can walk just fine now. He wants to start being intimate with me again, but I'm using my injury as an excuse. Gunshot wounds heal a lot faster than everyone thinks they do...at least mine did. Every once in a while I'd feel a sharp pain in my back as a reminder of what happened, but it isn't even sore anymore. Johnny thinks it is...because, well every time he gets a little to frisky when we make out, I'll fake a wince to make him stop and apologize. I honestly don't want anyone near me right now except for Matt, but he can't be. So I'm stuck with Johnny and I seriously need to start making an effort. This was my idea, remember?

"Lacey, baby?" Johnny called as he walked into my dark room. It was dark outside and I wasn't in a tv watching mood, so I was just laying there in the dark listening to music.

"Yeah?" I asked in a hoarse voice. I hadn't talked in a long time, I had just been thinking a lot.

"I got some Chinese. Ya hungry?" he asked, flipping the light on as he came to my bed. I squinted my eyes until they adjusted to the bright, unwelcome lights.

"No, not really. Thanks, though." I replied with a polite smile. A fake one at that. He sighed and put the food down on the table before he sat beside of me in [strike]my[/strike] our bed.

"Lace....you think I haven't noticed that you haven't been eating?" he asked, looking me in the eyes. He eyes looked sort of sad and he had a beard. That's weird, he always shaved before.

"I've been eating, Johnny. I'm just not that hungry...I don't eat a lot. Why can't you just deal with that?" I snapped. Okay, maybe I'm a little on the defensive side, but I am moody right now and I don't know why. My period is not due for another three weeks.

"Because Matt will think I'm starving you." I flinched a little at the mention of Matt. I had to think of something that someone who wasn't in love with Matt would say....hmmm...

"Who the fuck cares what Matt thinks?! It's not like you'll ever let me see him again, anyway. God forbid, he'd look at me a way you didn't like." I spat back, rolling my eyes at him. I think this is about to be our first real argument. That's kind of refreshing.

"I care what Matt thinks because he's my friend! He was laying in the fucking bed with you! What do you expect me to think?!"

"I expect you to think that he was trying to keep me warm because I was freezing to death. And are you sure that you're his friend? You really don't act like it! Do you even know the meaning of that word?!?! Are you really so insecure about yourself that you can't trust me? If I wanted Matt, don't you think I'd be with him right now?!?!?!" I yelled, slightly raising up.

"I trust you, but not Matt. I want to trust him, believe me. But I see the way he looks at you! Plus, I know you two used to have a thing and you pretty much TOLD me that you weren't over him!"

"I'm over him now, Johnny! Don't you understand that?!?! I'm with you, okay? Maybe not for long, though if you keep this shit up!" I yelled, hating that I was having to lie so much. I am only making things worse, but I really don't know what else to do.

"Lacey, I don't wan-" I cut him off with the wave of my hand.

"Johnny, just leave me alone. I need to be alone. I need to think things over." I told him calmly. He sighed before looking down sadly. He finally stood up and slowly left the room leaving me with all of my thoughts. I laid there mostly feeling sorry for myself for about two hours. I was feeling a little stir crazy when I got a text on my phone. I couldn't keep myself from smiling ear to ear when Matt's picture lit up on my phone. We texted back and forth.

Matt:Johnny isn't around is he? I'm sorry if I just got you in trouble!

Me: Nahh. He's nowhere to be seen.

Matt: Is it really you? How do I know that it's not Johnny fucking with me?

Me: Ask me a question that only I would know.

Matt: Ok...The first day you came to my house. What did I call the mixed drink that I made for you and Val?

Me: Ohhh, that's a good one. Mattini. ;)

Matt: Right. Okay, good, it's really you. :)

Me: Yep, it's me.

Matt: What are you doing?

Me: Refusing to eat Chinese. lol

Matt: Bummer. Chinese is good though!

Me: I don't like it that much...Johnny doesn't seem to realize that.

Matt: So tell him that.

Me: I shouldn't have to.

Matt: Is there any way you could meet me somewhere? I really want to talk to you. I miss you. :(

Me: Awh, I miss you too. I don't think it's a good idea... I'm trying here...

Matt: Please. I'm not gonna put any pressure on you.

Me: You already are!

Matt: Oh...my bad.

Me: Where did you want to meet at?

Matt: Actually, you can come to my house if you want.

Me: I'd like that. It's more familiar. I'll be able to hang out for a while.

Matt: That's even better. Get yo ass over here then!

Me: I'll be there shortly!