Don't Tell Your Mom the Babysitter Was in My Bed

"Don't say anything unless you're going to say you love me. Just say it and we can be together. Would you like that? We can just run away together and be happy. I know you think I'm drunk and full of shit, but I'm completely serious. Just say the words and we will go. Do you love me, Lacey?"

"Yes...I love you." I told him truthfully, feeling lesser and lesser drunk by the minute. I was beginning to sober up quick because I already know what I have to do. Matt looked at me as if he was shocked with my answer, but happy nonetheless.

"That's all I needed to hear." he said, grabbing my face and gently pulling it towards him to kiss me.

"No...stop." I said, pulling away from him. He let go of me, looking at me, visibly confused. I stood up beside of him on the steps, looking down at him.

"I...I don't understand. What is it?" he asked me, wondering why I would act this way if I loved him.

"We can't do all of that. I can't let you ruin your life. What are you gonna do without the band, huh? What are the guys going to do without you? I'm not going to let you throw something away that you worked so hard on. You can't just do that to all of your fans who are waiting for you to perform tomorrow. And what about Johnny? Can you imagine what it would do to him if we just left like that? It would ruin him, he would turn into an absolute mess. And I love him...Maybe not the way that I love you, and he may be an asshole, but I could never do that to him. He's your brother, Matt. You don't want to throw that away on someone like me." I paused for a minute, just to catch my breath. Matt just stared up at me in awe and he was visibly upset.

"Trust me...I would love nothing more than to just run away with you and be with you forever... to do all the things with you that couples are supposed to do...It's just not in the cards...not for us." I told him sadly, backing away from him. He stood up, not taking his gaze away from me.

"I'm sorry...I'm a fool." he said, shaking his head. I could tell that he didn't really know what to say to me at this point.

"I knew this was a bad idea. I was stupid to come here. I should've known that we couldn't just be friends, and it isn't just your fault, it's mine too. I'm going to leave tomorrow. I'm going to just go home... I'll see you when you get back." I told him, turning to go back inside. I was stopped by him grabbing my arm.

"You don't have to do that." he told me. I gently pulled my arm away from him and smiled.

"I know...Take care of red." I said, walking away from him. Walking away from every opportunity he had just given me, and probably for the last time. He didn't watch me as I walked away. Because he knew that he wouldn't let me if he thought about it too long. And I felt the same way.

I'd be lying if I told you I didn't feel like shit the next day. I did. And I don't know if it was because of the alcohol or the fact that I broke someone's heart. To be honest, I broke more than one heart last night. This is probably the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. But I'm not going to be that girl. Every other girl would've taken that chance and ran, but that just isn't me. I don't break up friendships, or bands, for that matter. I'm not worth that. Not me. I'm just a nobody from California that can't keep a job for a week. Johnny had insisted that I remain jobless because he had all the money we needed, but I think I'm going to get a job. Something to keep my mind off of things. I also need to find a way to make myself happy for the rest of my life because Johnny sure as hell isn't going to do that. He called me a slut and everything, but I'm going to find him today and forgive him for it. Even if I shouldn't. Life has to go on.

I had all of my clothes packed, but I hadn't seen Johnny since he left the room this morning. I had slept next to him, but he hadn't talked. My first bet was that he was in Brian's room asking him what the fuck happened, but instead of talking all of the time to go look for him, I decided to text him from my phone. I pulled it out of my pocket and turned it on.

Hey John... Can u plz come back to the room so we can tlk? I texted him, hoping that he would answer soon so that I didn't miss my flight.

OMW. He texted back, telling me that he was on his way. I sat on the bed with my suitcases in front of me, waiting patiently. I had took the time to find the Berry Bros and get them to bring all my stuff in so that I could pack it. They told me to text them and let them know when I was ready so that they could come help me carry them downstairs to put in the cab. I was deep in thought about everything when Johnny finally walked in the door.

"What is this?" he asked, looking at all of my bags in front of me.

"I'm leaving." I told him, looking down at my feet for a minute.

"You're leaving me? ... Lacey, if this is about last night-" I cut him off.

"No, I'm not leaving you. I am pissed at you, but I'm not leaving you."

"Thank God... baby, what I said last night... I didn't mean it. I was just jealous and I know that I don't have a reason to be. If you didn't want to be with me, then you wouldn't be... I'm sorry." he said, moving closer to me.

"I forgive you, Johnny... " I told him as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I could feel all of his emotions in the kiss, but when I kissed him back, I felt as if I had no emotions to return. A tear slipped from my eye, but I wiped it away before he could notice.

"Now, let's get all of this stuff back to the bus." he said, picking one up.

"No... I said, I forgive you and I'm not leaving you, but I am going home. I'm going to stay there until you get back. It's obvious that we can't be on this tour together and get along the way we should. I don't want you walking around giving Matt the evil look of death the whole time and I don't want you to wonder if I'm somewhere fucking Matt every time I walk away. I need you to trust me, Johnny, and you can't. Not as long as I'm here with you right now. I want you to be able to hang out with your friends, your brothers, like the way you used to be able to. Without me here to interfere and make people jealous." I explained to him, taking a bag from his hand. He took everything I said in, I could tell by the way he listened so closely. He couldn't deny the things I said, and I knew that. He knew it.

"I understand..." he replied. I could tell that he was starting to choke up, so I didn't question it when he seemed to have nothing else to say.

"Give me a hand with these, will ya?" I asked him, picking up the only two I could carry. It is going to be long night.