When the Walls Come Crashing Down

“Faith, I have to tell you something,” Joe said, his voice sounded distorted through the phone.

“Go ahead,” she said, shifting Bryson from her arms to the crib.

“Once Charlotte and I are done on the tour, I’m not coming back.”

“What? But… what about us? And Bryson?” she asked, her voice rising an octave with each word, panic starting to set in.

“I can’t do it, Faith. It’s just not right.”

“It is right, Joe,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “We’re meant to be together.”

“That may be true but I just can’t do it. Goodbye Faith,” he said, and the last thing she heard was the click as the call ended. Her breathing came quickly and she figured she was hyperventilating. She dropped to her knees on the floor, the phone falling to her side and tears streaming down her face. She fell to the side and curled into a ball.

Then she woke up.

“Joe! Joe wake up,” she said, shaking his sleeping body lying next to her.

“What?” he shot up, looking around wildly. “What’s wrong? Is Bryson si-“

He was cut off by Faith wrapping her arms around his neck and pushing her lips against his. She felt him tense up from the shock of it but then slowly relaxed and placed his arms around her hips. She pulled her lips away and rested her head on his shoulder, a tear dripping down her cheek onto his bare skin.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he said quietly, pulling her into him. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

“I just had a nightmare,” she whispered, her fingers digging into his skin without hurting him.

“What was it about?”

“You left me,” she said, so quiet he barely heard her.

“Well… I am leaving… for the tour.”

“No, not that,” she said, sitting up and pulling her knees up to her chest. “In the dream you called me and said you weren’t coming back home once the tour ended. You said you couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Do what anymore?” he asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

“Us.”

“Oh Faith,” he said, pulling her onto his lap and kissing her forehead. “You know that would never happen. I’ve waited so long for this, for you.”

“I know,” she said, nodding her head against his chest. “I know… it just… it wasn’t the best thing to dream about when you’re leaving today.”

“I know babe, I’m sorry I’m leaving you,” he murmured into her shoulder.

“So am I but it’s what you have to do. It will be worth it in the long run,” she said, lifting her head up and wiping her tears away. He leaned in to kiss her then turned to look at the clock.

“Five thirty,” he said. “Shall we get up since I’m supposed to get up in an hour anyway?”

“Can we just stay here?” she asked, patting the bed and smiling at him.

“Or, we could stay here,” Joe said smiling and lying back down as Faith rolled off him to lie next to him.

****

Faith stood on the sidewalk with Bryson held tightly in her arms. Sitting idle in front of her was the car that would take Joe to the airport where he and Charlotte would catch a flight to California where the Black Rose tour was starting. Around her she could hear the chatter of her family members as they said their goodbyes to Joe. She tried to take steady breaths as she felt a tear slip down her face.

“I wish we could have done this alone,” Joe whispered in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“I know, but we both know you couldn’t have left without saying goodbye to them,” she said, jerking her head in the direction of the rest of the Jonas’.

“This is true,” Joe said, glancing at his family before lifting Bryson out of Faith’s arms and holding him tight to his chest. Bryson’s fists clenched and grabbed onto Joe’s shirt as he let out a wide yawn. “That’s my little man,” he said, swaying his body back and forth, kissing Bryson’s forehead.

Joe walked away holding tight to Bryson, rubbing circles on his back. Faith could tell he was whispering to Bryson but she couldn’t figure what it could be. She smiled briefly before a tear slipped down her cheek.

“Hey,” Dani said, walking over and wrapping her arm around Faith’s shoulders. “No crying.”

“What if you had to say goodbye to Kevin?” Faith asked, wiping her tears away and turning to Dani who pursed her lips.

“Point taken,” she said, looking up as Joe walked back over. “Here, I’ll take him.”

“Thanks sis,” Joe said, handing her Bryson after giving him one last lingering kiss on the forehead and stroking his soft cheek.

“This all feels so surreal,” Faith said, wrapping her arms tight around Joe’s neck. “It’s hard to think that in five minutes you’ll be getting in that car then I won’t see you again for three months.”

“Trust me, I know. I’m leaving two of the most important people in my life,” he said, nudging his nose against hers and she closed her eyes and was silent for a moment. She opened her eyes and looked directly into his.

“It’s only three months, right? Three months is nothing compared to three years. It’s not like you’re in the army or anything.”

“I love you,” Joe said, tucking a few strands of hair behind her hair and cupping her cheek in his hand.

“I love you too,” she said as a whisper, closing her eyes. A tear dripped down her face as she felt his lips touch hers. She felt his lips linger for a moment longer than usual before pulling away.

“I’ll call you when I get there,” he said, slowly backing away towards the car, their fingers still tangled together.

“Okay,” she said, holding on for as long as possible. She watched as Charlotte climbed into the car, not daring to look over her shoulder, her cheeks stained from her tears. With a moment of hesitation, Faith finally let her fingers slip away from Joe’s.

Instantly, she found herself wrapping her arms around herself, needing something to hold onto. Joe took one last step backwards and started to climb into the car. He stopped for a moment to blow her a kiss and to look at Bryson one last time. She reached a hand out and caught the kiss, touching her hand to her lips. As soon as he closed the door after him she turned around and walked towards the house.

She hesitated on the steps for a moment when she heard the car horn honk twice but she didn’t turn around. When she couldn’t hear the cars engine anymore is when she stepped into the house, even though Dani was calling her name. She walked straight up the stairs to her and Joe’s bedroom, sat on the bed, and started crying.

“What is wrong with me?” she mumbled as she put her head in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees. She had never been like this before, not when Nick and the boys had to go on tour when they were still recording together, not when Nick had to go away from press conferences for new albums. Everything was different with Joe and it was all so new to her that she didn’t know how to react.

“Hey,” Dani said, walking into the room. “You alright?”

“Where’s Bryson?”

“With your mother. But really, are you alright?” she asked, wrapping her arms around Faith’s shoulders and giving her a quick squeeze.

“I don’t know, Dani. This is all so weird to me, so new. I feel silly, crying over this. It’s only three months and I’m acting like I’ll never see him again. I feel like a teenager!”

“It’s hard the first time.”

“But this isn’t the first time. I did this with Nick plenty of times and I never acted like this.”

“That’s it right there, with Nick. You’ve never been through this with Joe. You just feel differently for Joe than you did for Nick and you can’t stand to be apart from him.”

“That makes me sound like a terrible person!” Faith said, her eyes widening as she turned to look at Dani.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“You make me sound like I didn’t love Nick. That I didn’t care that he had to leave for weeks, months at a time.”

“Oh, honey, I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Because I did love Nick.”

“I know.”

“But I guess I wasn’t in love with him. I just thought I was. But I am in love with Joe.”

“Oh you don’t need to tell me that,” Dani said with a laugh which caused Faith to laugh as well.

“Three months will fly by, right?” Faith asked, her face growing serious.

“With me by your side whenever you need me, it will,” Dani said, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Thanks,” Faith said, kissing her cheek.

“Anytime.”

****

Faith woke up with a start and turned the bedside lamp on before taking a deep breath. She grabbed the alarm clock and saw that it was four thirty in the morning. With Joe gone she seemed to be waking up every hour, on the hour with a start. She wasn’t having nightmares; she couldn’t explain it. Looking to her left she saw Bryson was still fast asleep. She grabbed the baby monitor from the table.

Stretching her legs she slid her feet into her slippers and headed downstairs, baby monitor in hand. When she was little and couldn’t sleep her father would always pour them each a glass of milk, his was always taller than hers of course. After drinking them he’d lead her back up to her room, tuck her in, and she would sleep soundly the rest of the night. She figured she’d give it a try now and see if it would help. It was a long shot seeing as how it had been about fifteen years since she last needed this. When she walked into the kitchen she nearly dropped the baby monitor out of shock.

“Jesus Christ,” she said, closing her eyes and laying a hand over her heart. “You scared me half to death.”

“Sorry,” Nick said, giving her a sheepish grin.

“Can’t sleep?” she asked, walking over to the cabinet and grabbing a glass.

“No,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders.

“Want a glass of milk?” she asked, her hand hovering over a second glass.

“Milk?”

“My Dad used to drink a glass with me when I was little and couldn’t sleep and it helped. I figured I’d give it a shot.”

“Sure, why not,” he said. “I’ll try anything.”

“Here you go,” Faith said, handing him a nice tall, cold glass of milk.

“Thanks,” he said. She smiled and sat on one of the stools across from him. Simultaneously they took a sip of their milk and set their glasses down. They didn’t say anything more to each other. They just sat across from each other and drank their milk in silence, their minds drifting towards their loved ones.