Hand Up Your Soul To My Wrist

I pushed my shopping cart through the crowded grocery store. I laughed looking down into my cart. I came here for one thing and my cart is almost full.

I sighed pulling into a new isle. I looked around seeing a few familiar faces.

Three years ago I left Huntington beach, and I am just so glad to back. I smiled as I began to hear Minority coming from my pocket. I grabbed the phone.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Hey it’s Alex,” Alex replied.

“Alex I’ve known you my whole life, I think I could have figured it out without you telling me,” I replied. Alex is my best friend, and I don’t know what I would do without him.

“Yeah whatever, anyway when are you coming back?” He asked. I became slightly nervous.

“Why is everything ok?” I asked worriedly.

“Harley relax everything is fine, we just miss you,” Alex said. I heard giggling in the background and I smiled.

“Well I’ll be home soon,” I said getting ready to go pay.

“I’m going to stay at your house tonight ok?”

“Yeah it’s fine,” I replied.

“Well hurry up and get home,” he yelled making me moan.

“Fuck you,” I whispered half jokingly, half not since my ear was hurting. He laughed.

“love ya,” he said.

“Right back atcha,” I said before hanging up the phone and putting it back in my pocket.

I began walking when all of a sudden I recognized a face in the crowd. My heart stopped as I starred at him.

He was one of the five guys I was hoping to avoid. I stood still in the middle of the isle and people groaned having to squeeze past me. I couldn’t move.

I expected to run into them sometime, but not on my first fucking day back. He turned his head and connected with my eyes.

I quickly turned away, praying he didn’t see me, because if he did I knew he would recognize me.

I turned my cart around and began walking down the isle away from him.

I heard footsteps, and I quickly sped up turning around the corner quickly, knocking someone down. I stopped suddenly to avoid hitting anyone else.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned around looking straight into green eyes.

“Did you really think I wasn’t going to follow you?” He asked.

“No but I hoped that you wouldn’t,” I answered. He looked at me.

“How have you been?” He said awkwardly. I sighed sadly, we use to be so close now we have trouble holding a conversation.

“Fine,” I answered, but the truth was so much has happened in the three years since

I last saw him. He nodded, and silence fell upon us again, neither of us wanting to mention what we were trying to avoid.

“Come here Zacky,” I finally said pulling him into a hug. He held me tightly.

“I missed you,” He mumbled into my neck.

“I missed you too,” I answered. It was true I really did. I never wanted to leave Huntington, but I didn’t have much of a choice.

“We’ve all missed you,” he said pulling away. I looked at him suspiciously.
“Who’s we?” I asked instantly regretting it.

“All of us even………………”

“Don’t say his name,” I said pulling completely away from him. I looked at my watch realizing it was getting late and I wanted to go home and leave this awkward conversation.

“How is Mathew?” I asked angrily turning around to walk away. Not exactly the best way to end the conversation.

I began to walk away as Zacky cleared his throat.

“He and Val broke up,” he said calmly. I stopped, shocked and horrified. I couldn’t move I just stood there as my heart began beating about as fast as it possibly could.

“Oh god,” I mumbled.“ Please tell me it’s not because of me,” I turned around to look at him.

“No it’s not,” he said slowly, but I believed him. I nodded turning back around feeling slightly dizzy. I definitely didn’t want to deal with this today. I thought back to three years ago.

All the laughing, all the crying, all the lying.

The day I found out about Val, the day I found out about all the lies, and the day I found out my secret. I sighed as a pang of guilt hit me.

Zacky sensed it and walked over to me looking at me in the eyes.

“Don’t feel guilty,” he said. I looked at him surprised.

“how the hell am I not supposed to feel guilty, I had an affair with him while he was with Val,” I mumbled looking down. Of course I felt guilty, hell I still do.

“It’s not your fault, Matt lied to you he didn’t tell you,” I looked up to Zacky. I remember what happened you don’t have to remind me I wanted to say but I didn‘t.

I sighed realizing Zacky didn’t even know the whole truth about what happened three years ago,

Matt didn’t either. There was one thing I kept to myself, one thing I never told anyone. I felt a tear escape my eye and sighed brushing it away.

“ I have to go,” I said quietly, but I knew he heard me. I began to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.

“No wait please don’t, not yet,” he said quickly. I knew he wasn’t going to let me go easily.

I opened my mouth to say something when a fan came up to him to ask for his autograph, he groaned, but reluctantly agreed.

I took this as my chance and left, paying for all the items as fast as I could. I looked back seeing him crowded by fans. I quickly left the store sighing once I was outside.

“Good thing he’s famous,” I muttered walking to my car. I opened the trunk, as I heard some ones breath behind me. I turned around to see Zacky.

“Did you really think I was going to let you go that easily?” He asked. I laughed slightly, but didn’t say anything.

“ Matt’s been really depressed lately,” he said. I nodded as I began putting bags in the trunk.

“I’m not surprised,” I said coolly, “ he lost the love of his life”

Zacky didn’t respond, but hell what could he say, we all knew it was true.
“I think he might be happy to see you,” He said slowly.

“I doubt it Zacky,” I said closing the trunk getting ready to walk to the drivers door.

“Ok look you don’t have to see or talk to him, but what about me,” he wined. I looked at him and laughed. We did use to have fun.

“ You moved back here for good right?” he asked.

“Yes,” I answered.

“Good,” he said taking out his black phone. “what’s your phone number?” I gave it to him. I could handle going out with Zacky, but not anyone else, yet.

“Are you actually going to call me?” I asked suspiciously. He laughed.

“Of course, Harley,” he replied like it was obvious, which I guess it was. We said our goodbyes, but agreed to meet up tomorrow. I promised myself I wouldn’t tell him my secret from three years ago.

I got in the car resting my head on the wheel for about a minute, before I hit it against the wheel a few times.

When did life get so complicated?

Oh yeah the day I met Matt.

I looked to the backseat, where a blue car seat sat. I sighed realizing I forgot the one thing I went to the store for, baby diapers.