Hand Up Your Soul To My Wrist

I stumbled towards my front door both my hands filled with shopping bags. I knocked on the door hoping he wasn’t asleep. I heard a moan from the other side and saw Alex appear.

“Hey,” I smiled warmly.

“About fuckin time women,” he mumbled taking the bags from me. I gave him a weird look when all of a sudden I saw Tyler walk around the corner, his small brown eyes filled with tears.

“Mommy,” he yelled waddling over to me. I smiled bending down for him to run into my arms. He hugged me yawning, and rubbing his eyes.

“He wouldn’t sleep,” Alex grumbled walking into the kitchen. I pulled away from him slightly, kissing the top of his head.

“hey baby” I whispered. He yawned, letting a few tears fall from his eyes. He is two and the cutest baby on the planet. It helps that he looks EXACTLY like his father. I drives me crazy.

All I want to do is get away from Matt, and here my, or our, son looks exactly like him. He has brown eyes, and short brown hair.

“Come on Ty” I whispered carry him to his bedroom. I call him, Tyler, Ty, or TJ. I walked over to his crib setting him down.

He let out a cry and I sighed.

“Not going to give me a break?” I asked.

“No,” he yelled. He says that all the time, it’s one of the few things he can say. No, and mommy, and daddy, but he doesn’t get much chance to use that word.

I picked him up walking over to a rocking chair and sitting down.

I stayed there for about a half an hour before he finally fell asleep. He takes forever to fall asleep. I love him to death, but the kid drives me crazy.

I walked back into the living room looking for Alex. I saw him putting away groceries in the kitchen. He practically lives here, and he always helps take care of Tyler.

Tyler pretty much thinks Alex is his dad. I guess I don’t have the heart to tell him he isn’t since I know how much he loves Alex, and I don’t want him to know his real father is a real fucking asshole.

I sighed at the situation, walking into the kitchen.

“So what took you so long?” Alex asked eyeing me. I hoped onto the counter.

“Well, I uh, ran into Zacky,” I said.

“What?” he asked sounding surprised. I nodded. “What did he say?”

“Well a lot of stuff, but mostly that Matt and Val broke up,” Alex knew them, but not like I did.

“That sucks, though I cant say that he doesn’t deserve it,” He said sounding bitter.

“He loves her,” I said surprised that I was actually defending him.

“ He loved you,” He said slowly. I shook my head.

“ No I don’t think he ever did,” I mumbled hoping off the counter. I couldn’t help looking down the hall where Tyler’s room was. Alex came up putting his hands around my waist.

“He wouldn’t love TJ” He whispered in my neck. I pulled out of his grasp.

“You don’t know that, I mean I know what he did was fucked up, but do you really think he wouldn’t even care about his own son?” I asked.

“Well then why didn’t you tell him?” Alex asked me. I looked away.

“You know why,” I mumbled walking in the living room. I sighed as my phone started to ring.

“You should have told him” He said walking into the room.

“don’t pull that shit you know I did the right thing by leaving” I muttered quickly getting ready to answer the phone.

“Then why did you move back, you didn’t miss him did you?” Alex asked.

“No,” I said as load as I could without yelling, the last thing I needed was Ty waking up.

“Hello” I grumbled into the phone.

“Bad time?” I heard Zacky ask.

“No,” I answered sitting on the couch.

“Well I want to go out tomorrow,” He said.

“Where, when and most importantly with who?” I asked

“ Coffee shop, 2:30, just you and me,” He answered. I thought about it. I don’t start work for a week, and Alex could watch Tyler.

“Alright” I sighed. Truth is I really want to go, get away from my troubles, and with Zacky I’m sure I’ll have fun.

“So what are you doing?” He asked cheerfully. I was about to answer, when I heard crying. I knew Alex was fed up, so I stood.

“I’ve really got to go, I’m sorry” I said.

“what is that sound?” He asked.

“Uh it’s the TV, ok well bye” I said hanging up the phone.

”Well that didn’t seem suspicious at all,” Alec said sarcastically.

“oh fuck you,” I mumbled walking past him. I knew I would be spending the next hour trying to get Ty to fall back asleep.

I looked in the mirror quickly before walking out of my room into the living room. It was a small house, but I’m a single mother, it’s not like money coming out my ass or anything, I have to work hard.

“Thank you so much for watching him,” I said to Alex, as Ty began throwing balls around the room.

You have to watch him constantly, he is a troublemaker. I know who he gets that from.

“No problem, but are you sure you want to do this?” Alex asked. I nodded giving him a hug.

“So where are you two going?’ I asked.

“Beach probably,” he said. I nodded. Ty loved the beach, that’s why I knew he would love moving here. I walked over to him.

“Bye Ty, mommy will miss you,” I said in my small baby voice.

“No,” Ty mumbled grabbing a fire truck to throw.

“Do you want ice cream?” I asked.

“No,” He yelled clapping his hands together.

“works every time,” I said laughing giving him a hug before walking back to Alex.

“I wont be long,” I said walking out the door. I smiled looking back at Alex playing airplane with Tyler. Ok so maybe it’s not a traditional family, but it works for me.

I sat across from Zacky laughing at him telling me about the gang.

We have been sitting here for an hour, and I’m all caught up on, Jimmy, Brian, Johnny, Leana, Michelle Lacey, and of course Gena, as well as Zacky and briefly about Val.

We both new who was last, but thankfully he changed the subject.

“so how has your life been after three years?” He asked. I sighed. I really didn’t want this conversation to be about me. I shrugged taking a sip of my drink.

“oh come on anything big happen?” He asked. Well I had a baby, but other than that.

“Oh well I got a job,” I answered. The time I knew them, I didn’t really have a job. I was in a band and we kicked ass, me getting pregnant kinda ruined it though.

“ You a job, I’m shocked,” he said laughing. Yeah well I sort of had to, thanks to Matt.

“Hey I can hold a job, better than you” I teased hitting his shoulder.

“So where do you work?” He asked amused.

“A record store,” I answered. It wasn’t bad money, and my parents chipped in for Ty.

“Nice,” He teased.

“Hey shut up, I get to listen to music all day,” I informed.

“So do I, I just get to make it too,” he said proudly. I smiled at him, realizing how much I had really missed him.

“Come on,” He said pulling my hand.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Beach,” he said happily.

I ran over to the water putting my feet in the water. He came up after me grabbing me making me scream.

“It’s so fun to do that,” he said looking around at all the people starring at us. I grabbed his leg making his fall on his ass.

“hey” He mumbled grabbing my leg making me fall on top of him. We both laughed. I looked out onto the beautiful sunset.

“I’ve missed it here,” I said.

“Yeah I wish you had never left,” He said slowly. I nodded, but didn’t say me too. I wonder what would have happened if I had stayed.

“Why did you?” He asked me. Well uh to have a baby without Matt knowing. I sighed. putting my head on his shoulder.

“I had too,” I said softly. We stayed like that for a moment until……….

“Mommy,” My head shot up instantly recognizing that voice. I looked past Zacky seeing Ty come running towards me. I opened my mouth a little shocked.

Fuck I forgot they were coming here.

Ty walked up to Zacky walking around him engulfing me in a hug.

“Hey Ty” I whispered only loud enough for him to hear. I stood up slowly holding him in my arms. Zacky stood up quickly starring at me with wide eyes.

He knew.

He had to know he wasn’t that stupid.

Tyler looked exactly like Matt.

“Oh my god,” he yelled.

Yeah he knew.