Sunburn

My dad was home the entire weekend, so I spent pretty much all of it in my room, coming out for meals, and to reassure my mum that I was still alive.

Monday could not come fast enough.

“How was your weekend?” a little girl in my form asked. Her name was Caroline.

“Awful. I did nothing all weekend,” I grumbled. “I was so bored I nearly even tidied my room.”

She made a sympathetic noise before patting my shoulder. “Well I’m having a little gathering this Friday, if you want to come. If your next weekend looks like it’s going to be empty.”

I smiled at her. “Thanks, I’d like that. I’ll check with my mum.”

“I really hope you can come,” she said with a warm smile. “I’d love for you to be there.”



“Given up on Jessica then.”

I turned around, startled to find Emma-Lyn at my side when I left English.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Finally. She really is insane,” Emma sighed, disgusted.

“I don’t think so. She seemed nice,” I defended.

“If you think that then why are you giving up?”

“Because she also seemed like she valued her loneliness. I’m not going to force my friendship on someone who doesn’t want it.”

“Good. I don’t want you to waste your friendship on someone who doesn’t deserve it,” Emma spat.

“Can you stop?” I asked, having to try very hard to stop myself from snapping at her. I liked Emma-Lyn. She was a nice girl, and pretty to boot, but whenever she turned to the topic of Jessica Priestly she turned into this horrible, ugly monster who said horrible, ugly things.

“Fine. It’s the truth though Matt,” she muttered.

“Well I don’t want to hear it.”

She huffed discontentedly, but changed the subject all the same, for which I was thankful.



I was grateful to find that my dad had finally vacated the premises when I had gotten home that night.

My mother and I sat in the living room and drank tea, listened to Cat Stevens and watched Come Dine With Me together. I was glad. I was beginning to get sick of my room. I was on the verge of organising it.

“I wish you’d spent some with us on the weekend love,” she said, halfway between two episodes.

I didn’t reply, but it was only because I didn’t want to say something that would hurt her.



The week moved on pretty slowly. Partly because the novelty had pretty much worn off and it had become just school for me. Partly because I was looking forward to Caroline’s party. And partly because I wanted so badly to talk to Jessica, and every lesson that we shared seemed to drag unduly, thanks to all those moments where I could have spoken to her, but forced myself not to. The feeling of having failed myself had not yet gone.

My dad didn’t make any real appearances at home either, for which I was thankful. I wouldn’t have been able to stand it- I may have gone crazy. I didn’t want to spend anymore time in my room than was necessary, especially not conscious time. I was actually on the verge of unpacking.

I managed dinner with him pretty well- he usually ate and then escaped off to his study to do whatever it was he did; steal the money of innocents and embezzle the shit out the country, or something similar. I could stomach him and my mother making conversation over spag bol. I just couldn’t stand coming home and seeing him sitting in the living room in a manner that said very clearly- in case we had any doubts- that he owned it.

I couldn’t stand the silence.



Friday arrived, finally.

I didn’t feel so much like going out, really. The week had tired me, and I just wanted to sit in the living room with mum, listening to Nancy Sinatra and Jeff Buckley sing out their blues.

But my mum wouldn’t have that. She confiscated my phone so that I couldn’t text Caroline and tell her I wasn’t feeling very well. She was excited by the fact that I’d made new friends ‘so quickly’, and ‘urged me to go out and have fun’.

So I found myself wandering round my new town, wishing I’d printed those directions off of google instead of just assuming I’d memorised them. It was all those little twisty roads. I thought cities were not meant to pull stunts like that.

I did find Caroline’s, eventually, about thirty minutes after I left my house. Google had told me it’d be a ten minute walk. By this time the ‘party’ was in full swing.

I put it in quote marks because it was like no other party I’d ever attended in my sixteens short years of life. The parties my friends had held usually included a lot of alcohol, a lot of music and a lot of random kissing. However, the scene Caroline lead me in on was of a large group of people lying entangled round her living room, watching Battle Royale, drinking and smoking. I suddenly remembered that Caroline had called it a gathering when she invited me, and realised why.

It took me a while to adjust, because Caroline’s lot seemed like the type who partied hard, but it was quite nice really. I was grateful that it wasn’t a party. After all, a night of nothing much was just what I’d needed, just what I’d wanted.

They spent the movie deciding who each person would be if they were a character from the film, and then laughing when they killed each other.

They weren’t all from school, and I didn’t really get to meet Caroline’s other friends until after the film was done. They all seemed nice enough, except for one or two who gave me dirty looks when I was introduced to them. It was pretty warm out, so we went out into Caroline’s garden to carry on the gathering.

Emma-lyn came up to me once everyone had settle themselves down, seeing that I wasn’t really involved in the conversation that was going on round me.

“Hey Matt,” she smiled warmly. “How’s it been going for you?”

I shrugged. “It’s alright. I’m good.”

“Good, good. You been enjoying yourself?” I could hear in her voice that she was pretty tipsy, and it made me smile to myself.

“Yeah, I have. It’s been chill. To be honest, I kind of didn’t want to come out at first, because I was tired, so this is nice.”

“That’s good. Do you need another drink?” she asked, pulling me up out of my seat before I could even reply, and towing me back inside to the kitchen.

“I’m alright, actually,” I tried to protest, but she wasn’t having a bar of it. She pulled out a couple of Kronenbourgs and opened them, handing one to me. I took it, and sipped slowly. I knew that drinking wouldn’t exactly cure my sleepiness, not with the easygoing atmosphere.
“So what do you think of us so far?” she asked, leaning against the counter and sucking down a good gulp and a half of her drink.

“You?” I questioned, dubiously, not understanding what she was asking.

“Yeah. You know, us. Here. The school. Us.”

“I like it,” I grinned, sipping my drink again, purely because it was in my hand.

“You like it?” she repeated, and I nodded.

“Yeah.”

“You like Jessica Priestly?” she asked, and I shrugged, uncomfortably. “I know you do. Because you stare at her sometimes in English, you know. She’s crazy, anyway.”

“Why do you keep on saying that?” I asked, wrinkling my brow, but she waved my question off.

“Let’s not talk about her anyway. Do you think Caroline’s pretty?”

I frowned at the sudden change of subject, but I managed to convince myself to be glad.

If I wasn’t going to hear the story from Jessica then I wouldn’t hear it at all. If I wasn’t going to be her friend, then I wouldn’t need to know.

I convinced myself that this was what I really believed, deep down.

Soon after we went back outside, and were swooped down upon by Caroline.