Memories Are Wonderful

The next morning I woke with the feeling of his arm draped over me, his chest against my back.

“James…” I spoke his name as softly as I could imagine, afraid any sudden movement or harsh noise would pop the bubble we seemed to reside inside.

“mmm…”

He was already awake, making me wonder if he ever actually slept. In all the time I had known him I had only seen him sleep once.

“How long have you been awake?” I turned to look at him, his eyes were half closed and groggy with sleep.

“Not long,” His words came out lazily.

I couldn’t resist reaching up to touch the stubble on his chin. It was strangely intimate and real lying here, my hand on the scruff of his chin. His hand lead my head to his chest without opening his eyes, he kissed the top of my hair, his nose resting there.

We sat like that for a while, trying to regain our senses. Consciousness would bring complications. There were too many problems to be thinking about this early in the morning. When I finally started thinking coherently I looked up at James. He looked tired but happy. I liked that I had actually put a smile on his face. His lips lowered to my ear and he began to hum. The tune was soft and familiar and soon James was singing.

“You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch
I want to hold you so much...”

The rendition made me laugh, “I’d leave that song to Heath Ledger.”

“What are you implying?”

The sun was creeping into the room, catching tendrils of his chestnut hair.

“Just that you are a magnificent singer that would put Sinatra to shame.”

He rolled over on to me and tickled my sides, “Sarcasm will get you nowhere Daiz.”

I was giggling so much I couldn’t form words never mind entire sentences but James didn’t continue for long. He stopped and stared, making me feeling somewhat self conscious.

“Hey, do you have a camera?” He looked like he had just had an idea.

There was no stopping the sceptic look on my face, “Yeah. I don’t know where it is though... It might be in one of the drawers of my desk.” I pointed across the room.

He jumped up and walked over to the desk. I watched as he opened one drawer, and another. The sound of rustling papers could be heard. Sometimes it was really hard to try and figure out what he was up to, but I had learnt to just go along with it. The mind of James Franco was one impossible to understand the workings of. At least for someone like me.

Finally, after almost ten minutes of searching through every drawer he pulled out my black camera. Of course it was in the last drawer he looked.

The camera had been a gift from my mother for my birthday a couple of years ago but I had only used it once or twice. It was a nice one, a DSLR or SDLR, or whatever they were called. I was completely camera illiterate.

“This is a nice camera,” James said as he came back and sat on the edge of the bed. He looked at me through the lens, his hand on the optical zoom. He looked like a professional little photographer. It was cute.

I felt suddenly aware of my attire, a simple sleeveless top and some boyshorts. I was still lying down, too lazy to sit up.

“Thanks, I don’t think I’ve ever used it.” As I spoke the camera snapped a picture of my bare shoulder leaving me slightly puzzled.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking pictures to remember this moment.”

I laughed, “That was my shoulder.”

Next he snapped a picture of my bare knee against the green sheets, then my face.

“Well when you look back on all your memories you remember the big things right? You can remember words but not expressions, peoples’ hair colour but not their eyes or shoulders… right?”

"That's part of why memories are wonderful, you don't remember the bad details. You romanticize."

He then took a picture of the tips of my hair that were resting on the pillow he had used. “Well this morning I want to remember the little details. It’s not the big things that make a moment. It’s all the little small things.”

“You’re very odd.” I said as I watched him snap a picture of the sun coming through the window. I couldn’t help but pull him back into bed with me. He snapped pictures of me at odd angles. He took one of us kissing. It was these quirks that made me love him even more. Sometimes he saw the littlest most boring things and realized their significance, their beauty. This man in front of me wasn’t your average movie star, in fact I was hesitant to even call him that. He was so much more than that.

After a while longer of just lying in the bed, James’s phone started to vibrate in his jeans on the floor. My mind jumped to the conclusion it was Elizabeth.

“Are you going to get that?” I asked as I looked at him, our heads resting on the pillows, our noses touching.

“I guess,” He turned and grabbed his phone. “Hello?”

From my spot on the bed I waited, thinking about Elizabeth and how it would be to be her. She was probably on the other end of the line, just talking to the man she loved, not knowing he was in bed with someone else. Although that sounded worse than it was. Sure we had kissed many many times that night but we hadn’t actually done anything more than that, however much I wanted to. If I was her, and I found out I’d be heartbroken. I felt so terrible. I should have stopped it completely right when it started. But I didn’t, and now what? Was I going to become the other girl?

“No, it’s okay,” James swung his legs over the side of the bed so he was sitting up, facing away from me. “I could make it there in 30 minutes?”

It was Telluride all over again, waking up to James being taken away. I threw my legs over my side of the bed and got up. I pulled my jeans on and grabbed a cardigan from my closet. I ignored James’s conversation, opting instead to go brush my teeth.

Looking at myself in the mirror I was completely humbled. I didn’t understand how James could have looked at me the way he did. My hair was a tangled mess, the eyeliner I had been wearing yesterday was slightly smudged and faded. Yet he had been looking at me as if I were beautiful, so much so he couldn’t keep his attention off of me. Maybe, he was just surprised at how hideous I looked in the morning.

I shook the thought from my head, washing my face with soap and brushing my teeth. I felt refreshed, and slightly better. Once more, I examined my reflection. As I did, James appeared behind me in the mirror.

“I have to go.” He was wearing jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt.

I nodded, not turning around, but instead looking at him in the mirror, “I know.”

His hand brushed the scruff on his cheek, “do you happen to have any disposable razors?”

Was it already getting weird again between us, because it felt like it. Not in the same way it had before. I knew he had to have some sort of feelings for me, but were they more than what he felt for Elizabeth? I wondered if she was who he was running to now.

Beneath the sink I pulled out a package of disposable pink Venus razors and handed him one as I walked past him out of the bathroom. When I re-entered my room the sheets were a jumbled mess, the camera sat on the bedside table. His plaid shirt and his socks were the only articles of his clothing left on the floor. The room smelt like him. This would be torture, was all I could think as I tried to straighten up the bed.

Beside the bed his phone vibrated against the wooden table, its face lighting up with a new message but I didn’t dare peek.

When James finally re-emerged from the bathroom the scruff was gone, his curls pushed neatly to the side.

“You’re phone was vibrating,” I told him, nonchalantly. I wondered who it was.

“Thanks.” He picked it up and shoved it in his pocket without checking the message. He grabbed his shirt from the floor and pulled on his socks.

We walked to the front door, barely a sound between us until we reached it. James stood in the doorway looking down, his jacket in his hand, and I stood holding open the door, watching to see what he would do.

“I’m really glad I came here last night,” he finally spoke. The expression on his face was somewhere between confusion and disappointment. What I wouldn’t have given to know in that moment what was going through his head.

“Yeah, I’m glad you came too.”

His brown eyes met mine for a moment. It seemed like they were looking straight into me but I knew that was part of his charm. Everyone felt that way when he looked at them, it was hard not to. He had an intensity that couldn’t be matched.

“I’ll see you around?” His words were unsure, hesitant. Was he wondering if they were the right ones?

He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my cheek, his thumb sliding over the surface were his lips had been. Then another moment of awkwardness ensued before he disappeared down the hall.

Back in my apartment I tried to add everything up as I showered. He had said he acted like a jerk, that he should have stayed that morning. He had also said that last night might change things. But what wasn’t clear was how this all fit into now. There were so many questions left unanswered. I didn’t even know where he left me to go, or who he had left me to see. I didn’t know what he meant by “I’ll see you around”. But mostly, I just didn’t know where to go from here.

After I got dressed I started making breakfast, just a simple bowl of cereal as the phone rang.

“Hello?” the phone rested between my shoulder and ear and I continued to eat.

“You never called me back!” Clara didn’t sound happy.

I swallowed the cereal in my mouth, “yeah, sorry. I kind of forgot.”

“Who was it, anyways?”

“Just James.” With my sister I would always try to play things off an unimportant but she often saw right through me.

I carried the bowl to the sink and rinsed it out.

“How long was he there? Why didn’t you call me back?”

With my now free hand I took the phone in my grasp, “He was only here for a little bit but I guess I forgot when he left.”

There was momentary silence on the other end, “you’re not telling me something.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come check out my colour choices?!”

I laughed as I looked out my kitchen window at the streets below. The weather was stunning for an autumn day. The sun was out, playing on the fall coloured leaves just so. “You just want some time to interrogate me.”

“You still have to come. It’s your job as maid-of-honour”

“All right. I’ll meet you soon, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

“Bye Clara.”

When I hung up I went to my bedroom to grab my keys and wallet. On the bedside table I saw the camera and I couldn’t fight the urge to pick it up and look through the pictures James had taken. However, when I went to look through them on the small screen it said there was no memory card, and sure enough when I opened it up the slot was empty. The little shit had stolen my memory card. It didn’t upset me, it actually made me laugh. It wasn’t like I used the camera anyways.

And with that I went to help my sister with her perfect wedding and her happy ending, while my love life was a complicated mess of what could very possibly turn out to only be disappointment.