Memories Are Wonderful

The leaves were mostly gone from the trees by the time October was coming to its end. The air was always cool and crisp, the sky mostly clouded grey. My apartment seemed a mess of papers and books. The familiarity of it was hidden under that mess, under a blanket of work. I was finishing up my final paper, reading over and over again different interpretations of gender roles in the French Revolution of 1789.

As the night wore on, I sat at the kitchen table beside the window, watching out at the city lights as they began to shine. It was hard to concentrate on what to type in front of the blinking cursor on the screen. I felt like giving up. The paper still wasn’t due for a month and it was already approaching midnight. The steaming cup of coffee beside me didn’t even begin to cure my drooping eyelids.

I tapped my fingers on the keys, not punching any of them, just fidgeting as I thought. I had already finished 15 pages but I had a lot to go. Everything was distracting me. I couldn’t stop looking at my surroundings and letting my mind wander. I hadn’t even noticed that I was staring at the wooden corner of the table, about the only surface you could see through the mess, until my phone vibrated violently against the table.

It was a text message.

Are you awake?

Just reading the text message I had no idea who it was but James’s name was displayed at the top of the screen.

Yes

My tired state suddenly became one of anxiety. He was finally talking to me, that had to be a good sign.

At home?

The second text raised my hopes even higher.

Yes

As soon as I replied the time slowed down. There wasn’t more than a couple of seconds that would go by before I would check the screen. Over and over. Each time there was nothing until eventually, what felt like an eternity later my screen lit up again.

Can I come over?

My heart was racing. I could remember the last time he had showed up and how that had gone. And now, well now would be different, he was no longer with Elizabeth.

Sure

There was a mad dash after sending that text, to try and organize the papers on the table. I tried to tidy everything up, focussing first on fixing my messy hair and throwing on some mascara. I didn’t get very far with my apartment before he called up and I buzzed him in. It took him three and a half minutes to get to my door which I know because I was staring at the clock. His knock, at first, sounded like an exaggeration of my anxious heartbeats. When I opened the door the nerves released some of my built up tension. In the hall, James stood in jeans and a simple black shirt and jacket. His eyes were preoccupied with his feet until I greeted him and they came up to meet me. Scruff peppered his perfect jaw line, his eyes looked their usual tired selves. I wondered what he had been up to since I saw him last.

“Hey.” It was hard for me to regain my composure enough to let him in but somehow I managed.

“Hi.” Even his voice sounded tired and soft, or perhaps he was nervous too. As he walked by me and into the apartment the scent of him reached my nose. It wasn’t his usual cologne. He just smelt of soap and shampoo.

“So, what’s up?” I asked as I shut the door. “What have you been up to?”

“Working, going to class.” He looked as though he was paying more attention to his thoughts than to his answers. There was an odd sense of distance I felt as I led him into the kitchen.

“Want anything to drink?”

He shook his head, “I’m fine.”

While he sat down I poured myself a glass of water. Even if I wasn’t particularly thirsty, I wanted something to occupy my hands as I leaned against the counter and faced him.

“Did you get your memory card back?” he finally began to engage in conversation.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Good. I was going to drop it off but I was out of town.”

I took a sip of my water, trying to play it cool. “That’s fine. I never use the camera anyways.”

“I guess it’s kind of weird that I keep showing up like this, huh?”

The sight of his familiar smirk elicited a smile of my own. “A bit.”

“You’ve probably already heard about Elizabeth and me.”

“I have.”

His forearms rested on his knees, his fingers occupying his attention. Could he not look at me?

“What did she tell you?”

Dark brown eyes looked up at me. I couldn’t quite tell which emotion was dancing behind them but it was none the less heartbreaking. There wasn’t happiness there, not like I wanted to see it.

“Just that you broke up with her because you needed space.”

“And you believed that?”

I was taken aback by the question, “I wasn’t sure what to believe.”

He straightened up with the movement of his hand through his dark hair, an action after which his hair stood up at an odd angle. “I meant every word I said when I came here the other night.”

It seemed weird having this conversation in the kitchen, where 20 minutes ago my only prediction for the night was that I would pass out on my laptop.

“I’m sure you did but you didn’t say a lot.”

My words seemed to inflict some sort of hurt on his brown eyes. This expression I could read. “I thought I made it pretty clear how I feel about you.”

“You made it pretty clear that you messed up but you also went back to your girlfriend so how you feel about me seemed kind of murky.”

There was no anger in my tone. I had no reason to be mad him, he had never promised me anything.

“Daize,” he stood from his seat and walked towards me, his hands rested where my shoulders met my neck, and rubbed his thumbs on the soft skin there. “I care about you more than anyone I’ve ever met. I broke up with Elizabeth for you.”

I shakily put the glass down on the counter behind me, my teeth chewing at my bottom lip. His movement towards me had surprised me and by the time I finally registered that his words hit me. At my silence he continued. “I know we have a lot of catching up to do still but I really would like that. I don’t know what you want us to be but as long as I get to spend time with you I don’t care.”

“I would like that too” I wasn’t ready to start labelling things so soon but I was very much up for this idea of getting close to him again, “I think we should get to know each other again.”

A smile percolated across his memorable lips.

“One question,” his tone was playful, his lips smirking. I was happy at his new demeanour, “Does getting to know each other again mean I can kiss you?”

There was no thought. My answer came in my movement towards his lips, my hands holding his face. It was one of the longest, slowest, most romantic kisses of my life. The type of kiss you’d be happy to get on your wedding day. Not that I thought that’s where James and I were heading. I was just glad he was willing to be back in my life.

That night we watched one movie, kissing and joking more than paying attention, on my couch before I fell asleep.

When I woke up the next morning a sunny apartment greeted me. James was still asleep, sprawled on the couch with his arm dangling off the side. His face was so peaceful, a subtle almost smile rested on his lips which I pecked before getting up. I had never seen him so asleep before. I was able to shower and dry my hair, not to mention get dressed and start making breakfast before he finally woke up.

I was flipping the last pancake when he stumbled into the kitchen, his eyes groggy with sleep.

“Good morning Mr. Franco.”

He smiled when he saw me, “good morning gorgeous.”

The compliment made me roll my eyes. It was weird to hear James like that. It was all so new. It was cheesy but I couldn’t help but love it. Just the thought that he had eyes for me brought my heart to a flutter.

“Do you like beer batter pancakes? Because that’s what I made.”

I was facing the pan but I could feel him behind me. He swept back some of my curls and planted a short simple kiss on my temple before looking into the pan.

“Beer? Pancakes? Sounds good. I’ve never actually had them.”

“Well,” I began as I turned of the burner and placed the last pancake on one of the plates, “Time for you to try. It’s my favourite type of pancake, except maybe buttermilk.”

I handed him the plate and we went to table. It was hard to concentrate on eating. My stomach didn’t have much need for food, it was too busy feeling flighty and anxious.

James seemed to like the pancakes. He devoured them quickly like a hungry little boy. Afterwards he gulped down some orange juice and finally noticed me staring. I couldn’t help it. We shared a few moments of just looking at each other. I don’t know what he was thinking but I know that all I could think about was how lucky I was. Soon I would be done school, I had a job lined up, and an incredible man sitting at my table. I had my best friend back.

“Can I use your shower?”

“Go for it. I only have girly smelling shampoo though.”

“How girly?” James leaned across the table and exaggeratedly sniffed my hair. He paused the think for a minute, “mmmm, I think I can pull that off.”

I shook my head at him as I cleared the plates. He went off to shower and it almost felt as though we were playing house for the morning. It made me wonder momentarily if I was dreaming but when James came out with damp hair and pulled me into his arms in the kitchen and he started to sway me side to side I knew this was happening. I was hopeless in my attempts to not rush into anything. Things had changed since before I left for England but not enough to change the way I felt about James. I knew we should take it slow but at the same time I knew there was no stopping the chemistry we had, or the fun we had. I loved him. It was obvious that day when I went to go to class and after we had parted ways I felt happier than I had in a long time. Not because I was walking alone but because I knew James was in my life again.