‹ Prequel: Stolen Daydreams
Status: VERY new, still in progress... but I wanted it up
Untitled
"When everything is wrong and nothing feels right"
God how I wish they had been as wrong as I was. I was wrong about the date. He didn't do anything as corny as Christmas or New Year's but by gods did he plan it out. I wish I could say something negative about the way he proposed to me but I can't. To do that would ... be similar to slander ... or something. I wish I could say that it was a huge, cheesy, elaborate, Disney magic moment, kind of deals but he knew me much better than that. Too well. As dumb as it sounds he wasn't even there when I accepted. My always thoughtful Cameron wrote a beautiful letter and replaced my bookmark in the book I had been reading every free second I could find.
Damn him! To this day I still curse that god-awful letter and all of the heartache and torment that followed.He was willing to give me the space that I needed to get over the shock and seriously think about what I wanted for the rest of my life. To say that I never thought about ... her is a complete lie. What if .. she comes back? What if I am not enough for him if ... she comes back? What if I am? I knew I wouldn't fight for him, and I knew deep down (deep enough that I could fool myself into thinking otherwise) that he wouldn't fight for me either. I didn't run to anyone or ask for advice even though I knew that it was a mistake not to. Now I wish someone had voiced their opinion, maybe I would have listened.
I took as long as I dared getting down to dinner. Just a regular night for us at the school's cafeteria with the exception of me being 10 minutes late. Surprisingly I wasn't fidgety or nervous, with a small smile and barely any courage I spoke four words that I could never get back. "You go, I go." He smiled and gave me a huge kiss.
You ever watched that movie The Notebook? Yea, yea, yea cheesy reference I know but ... that look on Allie's face when she accepts Lon's proposal? That's how I felt. Empty, hollow, and like I had just told the biggest lie of my life with a goofy smile on my face... when all I should have been feeling was ecstatic and dreaming about our future.
You would think I would have ran screaming the other way but in my brave stupidity I chalked it up to nervousness and forgot to listen to my gut. She entered the picture slowly, I refused to see it and paid dearly for my blindness. I could feel him pulling away, so I did the logical next step and threw myself into the wedding planning trying to bury my head in lace, and tradition. I guess I figured he would realize his mistake and come back to his senses. I just never admitted that I was the mistake... that I was the person clouding his judgment. Give a girl a break... it's a hard pill to swallow even if you knew it was coming the entire time.
Hales,
Do me a favor and think seriously about being my nonsmoking smoking partner... forever. Well until I quit this awful habit ;) and then please just be mine forever. I never want you to feel that you are planning your life around me or giving up on your dreams just for a man. You go, I go. It's that simple. Think about it, my over-analyzer ;) We'll talk at dinner. I love you.
-Cameron
Do me a favor and think seriously about being my nonsmoking smoking partner... forever. Well until I quit this awful habit ;) and then please just be mine forever. I never want you to feel that you are planning your life around me or giving up on your dreams just for a man. You go, I go. It's that simple. Think about it, my over-analyzer ;) We'll talk at dinner. I love you.
-Cameron
Damn him! To this day I still curse that god-awful letter and all of the heartache and torment that followed.He was willing to give me the space that I needed to get over the shock and seriously think about what I wanted for the rest of my life. To say that I never thought about ... her is a complete lie. What if .. she comes back? What if I am not enough for him if ... she comes back? What if I am? I knew I wouldn't fight for him, and I knew deep down (deep enough that I could fool myself into thinking otherwise) that he wouldn't fight for me either. I didn't run to anyone or ask for advice even though I knew that it was a mistake not to. Now I wish someone had voiced their opinion, maybe I would have listened.
I took as long as I dared getting down to dinner. Just a regular night for us at the school's cafeteria with the exception of me being 10 minutes late. Surprisingly I wasn't fidgety or nervous, with a small smile and barely any courage I spoke four words that I could never get back. "You go, I go." He smiled and gave me a huge kiss.
You ever watched that movie The Notebook? Yea, yea, yea cheesy reference I know but ... that look on Allie's face when she accepts Lon's proposal? That's how I felt. Empty, hollow, and like I had just told the biggest lie of my life with a goofy smile on my face... when all I should have been feeling was ecstatic and dreaming about our future.
You would think I would have ran screaming the other way but in my brave stupidity I chalked it up to nervousness and forgot to listen to my gut. She entered the picture slowly, I refused to see it and paid dearly for my blindness. I could feel him pulling away, so I did the logical next step and threw myself into the wedding planning trying to bury my head in lace, and tradition. I guess I figured he would realize his mistake and come back to his senses. I just never admitted that I was the mistake... that I was the person clouding his judgment. Give a girl a break... it's a hard pill to swallow even if you knew it was coming the entire time.
♠ ♠ ♠
DUN DUN DUN! haha this is all I have so far but ever since I posted my first story it felt wrong not to have this up as well. There will be more I promise, I would just love some feedback first! Thanks!