Once Again

“Hey man, how’d it go?” Brian asked as Jimmy plopped into the seat next to him.

“If you value your manhood and my dignity, you’ll never ask that question again when it comes to that,” Jimmy muttered.

“It couldn’t have been that bad.” Johnny said from the chair across from him.

“You go donate what I had to and see how you feel afterward,” Jimmy grumbled. “I need a fucking shower but it has to wait. I need a favor from one of you.”

“What’s that?” Brian asked automatically.

“I need to go pick up Cameron’s car from the farm so she can have it.”

“I’ll go,” Brian agreed.

“Hey, will you guys stop and get me a…” Johnny started.

“No,” Brian and Jimmy responded at the same time. Johnny pouted a minute before shrugging and standing up.

“I guess I’ll go and get it myself,” He mumbled.

“That’s a good gnome!” Brian laughed, pushing Johnny out of his home. Jimmy laughed as he followed Brian out of the house, making sure the door was locked and that it shut completely.

“So, really man, was it really that bad?”

“The actual donating part wasn’t, it was more the mentality of it I guess.” Jimmy replied.

“Yeah, I can imagine. You what, go in a private room with some magazines or whatever and just do whatever.” Brian asked, sliding in the passenger side of Jimmy’s car.

“With people on the other side of the curtain knowing what you’re about to do,” Jimmy muttered, a shiver running through his spine.

“Sucks,” Brian replied as Jimmy pulled out of the driveway. “It had to be harder on Cameron though.”

“I don’t know, she never told me. She just said they put her on hormones.”

“Awesome,” Brian muttered sarcastically.

“She keeps saying no more secrets when it comes to Raven. She apparently bears everything when she promises to tell me everything, but yet every other word from her mouth is something she’s holding back from me.”

“Maybe she keeps it from you because she’s scared that you’ll leave her again.”

“I didn’t leave her, she left me.” Jimmy grumbled.

“Because you pushed her away Jimbo.” Brian said, glancing over at his best friend. “I hate say it man, but missing out on your daughter’s life, losing Cameron’s trust, you brought it all on yourself.”

“You don’t think I don’t know that?” Jimmy asked, stopping at a red light. “Brian, how fucking long have I beat myself up for letting Cameron get away? Since the fucking second she left the studio. By the time I calmed down enough to go after her, she was gone and I couldn’t find her. I didn’t want to lose her that way. I didn’t want to lose her at all.”

“Then why didn’t you give her the benefit of the doubt and let her explain?” Brian asked.

“I don’t know,” Jimmy muttered. “I really have no idea anymore.” They were silent for a long time after that. Brian watched as they left the city and made their way to the country side.

“Are you guys going to let Raven know you’re her Dad?” Brian asked.

“We were going to earlier, but I was pissed and wanted to calm down before we did it.”

“We drop off her car, you let that little girl know Jimmy. She needs to know you.”

“I know,” Jimmy muttered, pulling up to the driveway leading toward the house. Cameron’s car was sitting right where she left it, so Brian grabbed her keys, slid behind the wheel of her car, and followed Jimmy to the hospital.

“Go,” Brian said, tossing Cameron’s keys to Jimmy. “Tell Raven. I’ll sit in the car until you get back.” Jimmy just nodded and walked into the hospital, taking the elevator to where he knew the rooms were. He walked to the room number he was old earlier and knocked gently on the door.

“Yes?” Cameron’s voice called.

“Hey,” Jimmy said, walking into the room. His heart raced when he realized Raven wasn’t in the room.

“They took her to run some tests. She’ll be back in a few minutes.” Cameron answered his unasked question.

“How’s she feeling?”

“Like she did when you first met her,” Cameron smiled. “At least she’s staying steady right?”

“I guess,” Jimmy muttered, handing Cameron her car keys. “You’re parked in the green parking lot. You can’t miss the car.” Cameron nodded and pocketed her keys.

“Cameron, I’m sorry about earlier. I was out of line.” Jimmy muttered.

“No, you were right. I’m sorry.” Cameron sighed.

“Brian’s downstairs waiting, but he refuses to leave until he knows for certain that Raven knows the truth about who I am.” Jimmy informed her as the door opened.

“Oh, hello,” A nurse said. “Are you family sir?”

“Can we have a minute alone with Raven?” Cameron asked the nurse. She looked confused, but nodded all the same. Raven stared at Jimmy, her mouth gaping open as she realized who he was.

“Mommy! That’s the drummy guy from that band on TV!” Raven shouted.

“Honey, he’s more than the drummer for Avenged Sevenfold,” Cameron sighed, sitting on the bed next to her. “You know how I always said that daddy didn’t want to be part of our family?” Raven nodded, and Cameron grimaced as she noticed the wince from Jimmy. “Well, I was wrong honey.”

“He does want to be in our family?” Raven asked, her eyes brightening. “But, why is drummer guy here?”

“Baby, drummer g….” she stopped herself as she smiled up at Jimmy. “Sorry,” she muttered to him. “Raven, Jimmy is here because Jimmy is your daddy.”

“Huh?” Raven asked, looking over at the tall man. He walked up to her and sat on her other side.

“Raven, I’m your Daddy. I was never around because I didn’t know you were born.”

“You’re my Daddy?” Raven breathed, staring up at him. Jimmy nodded, his heart wrenching as he stared into her bright blue eyes, eyes the same shade as his own.

Raven sat forward, crawling across the bed and into Jimmy’s lap. Jimmy automatically wrapped his arms around her small body, finally seeing the signs that showed that she really was sick. He didn’t have much experience around kids, but he knew that her weight should have been a little bit higher than what it seemed to be. Her eyes looked sunken, which he definitely knew didn’t fit a child. Especially when the girl was his own daughter.

For the first time since finding out the truth about her, Jimmy held his daughter close to him, feeling her breathing in his arms. Raven’s head laid on his chest, listening to his heart beat like it was the most beautiful lullaby she had ever heard.

“You stay?” Raven asked him after what seemed an eternity.

“I really should go right now baby, but I promise, I’ll be back in a little while. There’s some things I have to take care of.”

“You promise?” Raven stared at him.

“I promise.” Jimmy repeated, his head resting on hers. Cameron watched as Jimmy laid their daughter back down in the bed. He kissed her forehead gently and covered her back up.

“Get some rest BeeBee,” he said.

“BeeBee?” Raven asked with a giggle, looking confused. “I’m Raven.”

“Yes you are, but you know, a Raven is a bird, and you’re my baby girl, so you’re my baby bird. BeeBee is just a short way for me to call you that.” Jimmy explained.

“I love you Daddy,” Raven said.

“I love you too honey, more than I can say,” Jimmy whispered, though Cameron heard him. She glanced down at the floor as Jimmy walked up to her.

“Call me, if anything happens.” he said to her. “Even if you just need someone to talk to, call me okay?” Cameron nodded, but refused to look up. She felt Jimmy’s fingers slide beneath her chin, forcing her to look at him.

“I mean it,” he said.

“I will,” she whispered. She watched as he walked out of the room, but not before he looked back at Raven and promised her again that he would be back.

Cameron knew she couldn’t keep them apart, and she had no idea why she waited so long. It was obvious Raven needed Jimmy, and Jimmy needed Raven. So why was she so scared to let him know?

She hadn’t been completely honest with him. She could have gotten a hold of him, but she didn’t want to just leave a message through Valary saying he had a child in the world. She wanted to let him know face to face, especially since Raven was so sick.

“He’ll be back?” Raven asked Cameron. Cam smiled at the little girl and slid onto the bed beside her, wrapping her arms around the little girl’s too small frame.

“He never breaks his promises,” Cameron assured her.



Jimmy dropped Brian off at home before driving to the other side of town. He stopped at the house he remembered so well. Shutting off the engine, he stared at his childhood home, amazed that it’s actually been about a year since he’s been back here. When he saw his parents or sisters, it was at a venue, the recording studio, or just a random place to meet up like a restaurant they all liked to go to every so often for lunch.

He knew he couldn’t put this off. He had to tell his parents about Raven. Everything about her, even the fact that she was sick.

Jimmy couldn’t get the image of her eyes out of his head. They were so much like his own eyes from the pictures of when he was her age. The difference being, while both of their eyes has sparkled with life, Raven’s eyes was slowly losing that glimmer.

With a sigh, he opened the car door, and walked up to the front door, walking right into the house.

“Mom? Dad?” he called out.

“Jimmy!” Barbra’s voice shouted, excitement filling her voice as she rushed up to him. “You’re home early.”

“Something came up, where’s Dad?” Jimmy asked.

“Right here bud,” Joe said from the stairs.

“What’s wrong Jimmy? You look like you’ve been through hell,” Joe commented when he finally saw his only son.

“Sit down, there’s something I need to tell you guys,” Jimmy said, knowing he couldn’t put it off any longer.

“What’s wrong?” Barbra asked, the concern more than apparent in her eyes.

“You guys remember my last girlfriend Cameron?” he asked. When both his parents nodded, he continued. “Our tour bus broke down in front of her old family farm yesterday,” Jimmy said, surprising himself with the fact that not even a day has gone by since he first found out about Raven. “She found us this morning and helped us with the bus. We exchanged phone numbers, and we got about five minutes away when she called me.”

“What happened?” Barbra asked. Jimmy realized he was babbling, avoiding telling them the story right away, so he took in a deep breath.

“Two months after Cameron left, she found out she was pregnant. To make a long story short, she was pregnant with my child. She had a little girl. She named her Raven and she’s four years old now. She’s the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Wait, you have a daughter?” Joe asked, his face stunned.

“Yeah, I have a daughter I just met this morning.” Jimmy stated.

“Where is she?” Barbra asked. Jimmy’s mood quickly went somber, picturing the little girl in the hospital bed.

“That’s where the bad news comes in,” he muttered. He started playing with his hands, running one of the tiny coffin tattoo. “I-I didn’t even know this was possible, but between me and Cameron, Raven ended up getting this Juvenile shit. Basically it’s Leukemia. Right now Cameron’s sitting with Raven at the hospital. The phone call from this morning was Cameron calling because Raven had collapsed on her, a-and Raven wasn’t responding to her.”

“She’s sick?” Joe asked. “Your daughter’s sick?” Jimmy nodded, the floor suddenly becoming more interesting than his fingers.

“Leukemia, that’s cancer,” Barbra muttered. “There’s no cure for that.”

“Actually, there is for this type,” Jimmy said. “Cameron and I are already working on it, but I’m not sure you two will approve of it.”

“What is it?” Jimmy sighed, finally looking up at his parents.

“We went to a clinic this morning that specializes in artificial insemination,” he stated simply. “They’re going to take my donations, combine them with Cameron’s, and try to make a healthy baby. If it works, and if Raven can hold strong for that long, when the new baby is born, his or her core blood will be used in a transplant for Raven. There’s been a lot of research that shows core blood from a sibling completely erases the illness.”

“So, you’re having a child, to save a child’s life.”

“I know that’s how it seems, but it’s a hell of a lot more than that Dad.” Jimmy admitted.

“Well, since it’s already started, I guess all we can do is wish the two of you the best of luck,” Barbra smiled at her son. “Goodness Joe, we have a granddaughter. Have you told your sisters yet?”

“I’ll let you guys have that fun,” Jimmy laughed. “I have to run though, I promised Raven I would be back to see her in the hospital.” Jimmy walked toward the front door, but stopped suddenly. “You two want to go and meet her?”