Once Again

Brian stared as Jimmy stormed out of the room. He, along with everyone else in the room, was at a loss for words.

“Did Jimmy just quit?” Johnny asked finally.

“I think he did,” Zack replied, looking around at everyone. Instantly, something snapped inside of Brian, so he stood up and chased after his best friend.

“Jimmy!” he shouted, storming up to his best friend. “What the fuck do you mean you’re done?”

“Exactly as it fucking sounds Brian!” Jimmy snapped, trying to walk around the other man. Brian held his ground, not afraid to get physical with Jimmy if he had to. It was how they met after all.

“You can’t quit dude. What the hell are you going to do? Get a fucking job that pays below minimum wage and try to care for yourself, Raven, and the new baby from that? It’s not possible Jimmy, especially not with all the medical bills you’re going to have after everything is done. Fuck Jimmy, think about this.”

“What’s there to think about?” Jimmy asked.

“You’re willing to give up any means to take care of your possibly soon to be children, just to be around for a pregnancy? The only source of income you have right now, you’re willing to just throw away? That’s not the Jimmy Sullivan I know.”

“News flash Brian, I’m not the same Jimmy Sullivan as I was when we met, hell not even yesterday.”

“So you get told you have a kid who’s sick, that doesn’t mean you have to completely change dude.”

“Yeah, you can still be the same Jimmy,” Zack spoke up, walking up to the two other men. “You can stay the freaky ass man we grew up with, just with a daughter.”

“You don’t want to change,” Brian insisted. “You don’t want to leave the band. So don’t. Raven knows what you do for a living. She loves what you do for a living. Cameron knew you would be away for months on end when you were dating and we were just starting out. It’s not like that has changed either.”

“Okay, so what about the new baby, if everything works out?” Jimmy demanded, leaning against the wall.

“Dude, if this does work out, and you and Cameron do have another baby, the child will be too young to even notice you’re gone for one thing. For another, by the time the baby gets old enough to realize you leave, he’ll be so used to it that it won’t matter. He’ll figure it’s a part of life, which it will be for him or her.”

“Jimmy, if you want to know what it’s like to be a father on the road, fucking talk to someone who lives it already.” Matt said from behind Zack.

“Like who?” Jimmy asked.

“I don’t know, Lars Ulrich is a dad, you both are cool with each other. Ask him or something.” Brian pointed out.

“You also got Mike Portnoy,” Zack spoke up. “You two are on pretty good speaking terms. Just, talk to someone before you make a decision.”

“Fine,” Jimmy muttered, leaning against the wall. “So are we done here?” He asked Larry and Craig. They both glanced at one another and nodded.

“Yeah, we’re done here.” Larry said. “Just Jimmy, don’t do anything rash like that again. Yeah we care about the future of the band, but we care about you guys as people as well. We don’t want to see you struggle to raise your daughter and care for yourself.” Jimmy just nodded and walked down the hallway again. This time they let him go.

“Anybody else as freaked out as I am?” Johnny asked.

“That’s not Jimmy talking,” Matt sighed. “It’s the stress of everything going on. Think about it guys. Not even a day ago he on the bus touring around the world. Now he’s got a daughter who is sick and dying. He’s planning on having another one, while trying to decide if he wants to go on tour or not. He’s got a lot on his mind, and it doesn’t help that he’s feeling guilty.”

“Guilty?” Larry asked. “Why would he feel guilty?”

“Something that happened years ago,” Brian muttered, knowing what Matt was talking about right away. Zack and Johnny knew as well, but they didn’t say anything. It wasn’t their place to.

“Think we should follow him?” Brian asked Matt. Matt stood for a long minute, his head hanging as he ached over what his best friend was going through.

“No,” he finally answered Brian. “You know where he’s going. He needs some time to himself right now.” Brian nodded and looked over at Zack. “Since we have nothing better to do, wanna go work on stuff for the new record?” Zack shrugged and followed Brian to the elevators.

“Do you honestly think Jimmy will be okay?” Zack asked.

“I really don’t know,” Brian admitted as the doors shut. “I’ve never seen him lose control like that, and we’ve known each other a long time.”

“I know, it’s strange,” Zack muttered. “But dude, he has to realize that no matter how much bad is going on right now, there’s a hell of a lot more for him to be thankful for. He’s got a daughter now, within the next year he could have another kid. I think that in itself should speak volumes to him.”

“It should,” Brian agreed as the elevator doors opened. He was surprised to say the least when he saw Jimmy was still there. He was sitting on a bench in the middle of the lobby, his head in his hands.

“Jimbo, what are you still doing here? I thought you left.” Brian said, sitting next to him.

“I was about to, but then, fuck,” Jimmy muttered, his head falling backward.

“What?” Zack asked.

“I don’t know where to go anymore. I can’t go back to the hospital right now because I’m too fucking pissed off. I don’t want to go home. I was thinking about going to go see Katie or Kelly, tell them about Raven you know? Then I remembered they’re both at work.”

“So come with us,” Brian said. “We’re going to my place to work on new stuff for the album. That always helps you clear your mind.”

“I don’t have my drum set there,” Jimmy pointed out.

“Then work on lyrics or something. Hell use one of my guitars and fuck around on that.” Brian shrugged. “I don’t care, you need to get your thoughts straightened out man, and this is the best way I know you can.” Jimmy sat with his head hanging downward. He knew Brian was right. He needed to clear his head, and music was what always helped him with that.

“Okay, but let’s take this to my place so I can use my drum set,” Jimmy said. “I need to beat the shit out of something right now.”

“Let’s go,” Brian smiled. “Wanna get Johnny and Matt to come too?”

“Might as well.” Jimmy shrugged. Just then the elevators dinged, and Matt and Johnny walked out.

“Yo, c’mon! We’re all heading for Jimmy’s place.” Zack called to them. They both nodded and walked out the front doors. Jimmy had a studio in his basement, much like everyone else did. Except he had a full out studio setting. He had microphones for everyone. Guitars for Zack’s left handed ass. He had Syn customs for Brian since it’s all he’ll use anymore. He had bass guitars for short shit, and a step ladder to help him reach high places. But more importantly, he had a full blown replica of his touring drum set. It helped him beat out his aggravations while clearing his head.

He led the guys down the stairs, jumping the last few steps and walking into the small studio room. Jimmy sat behind his drum set right away, picking up his sticks and slapping them together. He started playing his drum parts for songs from City of Evil.
Matt noticed how much more calm Jimmy was now, so he nodded toward Brian, knowing this was his idea.

“So, what do we have?” Zack asked, sitting on a stool with one of the left handed guitars in his lap. He was working on tuning it since Jimmy had no idea how. He knew how to play, he just couldn’t tune the guitars to save his life.

“Uhm, I really have no idea anymore.” Matt replied over Jimmy’s drumming. They all glanced over at him. He looked up and smiled, doing a very complex beat. He twirled one of his sticks between his fingers and crashed it down on one of his symbols a final time.

“Feel better now?” Matt asked Jimmy. The drummer just smiled again and shrugged, going back to hitting out beats again.

While the others talked, Jimmy stopped playing, his mind going back to Cameron and Raven. This time, it wasn’t the fact that Raven was sick, or that Cameron was killing herself raising their daughter. He was thinking about how it really wasn’t a good idea to leave the band. He needed to money the shows gave him to help Cameron with Raven. With medical bills and everything else.

He just didn’t want to be away from them. He wanted to feel like he could protect them from the pain they would probably endure, especially Raven. Anyone who saw them would never believe he knew about her for one day.

Brian slowly became aware that Jimmy had stopped drumming. He looked over and saw him lost in thought again.

“Guys,” he muttered. Matt, Zack, and Johnny looked up and shook their heads. Suddenly, Jimmy stood up, his drum sticks falling to the floor with a clatter as they hit each other. They watched with confusion as he rushed out of the room.

“What the hell?” Johnny asked, turning to look at the others again. They just shrugged as Brian picked up one of his guitars.

He started playing a slow tune as Jimmy walked back into the room.

“Everything okay man?” Matt asked, watching Jimmy. Jimmy didn’t reply as he sat down at a desk.

“Dude, we lost him,” Zack said, watching Jimmy as well. They turned back to Brian, who started working on another song. They didn’t know what to do for Jimmy but let him go with what was going through his head.