Right Here Waiting

I woke up in a start, and tried to catch my breath. I have never dreamed of Ayame before....My eyebrows creased as I tried to remember her words. What had she said? I can't remember... There was an unsettling feeling I had that whatever she had said was important. Very important.

I glanced over to the window, and saw the stars that pierced the dark blanket known as the night sky. How long have I been asleep? Swinging my legs over the edge of my bed, I stood up, and walked out of my room. I passed a mirror in the hallway, and noticed that my hair was sticking out in random directions. I pouted a bit, but gave no effort in trying to fix it.

The kitchen's light was on, and Toshiro was leaning against the wall, looking out the window that was near the sink. He looked deep in thought, and I decided to be quiet as to not disturb his thoughts. He didn't notice me as I grabbed a glass of water, and sat down at the table. I spoke, a bit hesitantly at first, "I think Ayame could see things too."

Toshiro suddenly looked at me, as I continued. "That night...she said she had seen someone down by the river. But I never saw anyone there when we first got there."

"Did you find out who it was?" He asked, and I shook my head.

"I don't remember anything after we began walking down to the bank of the river." I tried to run my fingers through my hair, but they got caught in a knot. Um, ow. "Everything after that is just a big static blur. I'm sorry." Silence took hold again, and I could tell he was thinking. Hm. He did that a lot.

My shinigami friend turned away again, and handed me something. I blinked, and recognized it as he letter he must have been talking about earlier. "Here, it's yours after all."

My small hands took it from him, and I glanced at the handwriting on the front, trying to figure out who it could be from. I think I must be going blind, because the words seemed a bit blurry, but I still managed to read them. After I opened the letter, I suddenly recognized who's writing it was.

It was Sai's.

When had he slipped the letter into my coat pocket? I don't even remember him doing it.... I felt Toshiro's gaze on me as I began to read.

Hikaru, I know that by the time you read this, you have probably ran off to your house again. I wasn't sure if was going to be able to get through to you, so I wrote this just in case. I'm not completely sure how you're supporting yourself, and I don't want you to starve. In the envelope there should be a blank check, just fill in however much you need, and cash it in. Don't worry about how much it will be, I just want to be sure that you'll be ok on your own. You're still my little sister, and I still have to look after you. ~Sai

Toshiro must have seen my horrified face, but he didn't press questions, he only wore a concerned face. Um, what?

Anyway, I looked into the envelope, and sure enough there was a blank check in there. I bit my lip and stuck the letter back into it. There was no way I could accept this. Just no way. I would have to return it to my older brother. But how? There was no way I was going to go back that house.

Just no way.

I tried to push the thought aside. I would have to figure out a way to do it without having to go back to that house. I just knew I would.

The air around me felt tense, probably from my own tension. It bothered me. "Toshiro, you know, you're pretty mature about all this shinigami business for a elementary student."

A vein popped out from his forehead. Did I say something wrong?

"I'm not a elementary student, Kazama." His voice seemed a bit angry, and he went into long discussion about how slowly shinigami age, and that in reality, he was decades and decades older than me. I pouted, not really caring what he said.

Shinigami or not, he still looked like a kid to me.

"Fine, whatever. But don't call me that. It bugs me." I waved one of my hands in the air, showing my irritation. "Call me by given name, that's all I ask."

He blinked, and slowly nodded, as if it was a strange thing to ask. It wasn't right?

My eyes found their way to the window, and I was temporarily entertained by the stars in the sky. "I think if I went to her grave I might be able to remember..." My chin rested on top of my hand, and the word came out slowly. I knew that forcing myself to go there was not a good idea, but it seemed like the only option that I could think of.

"Its dangerous for you to go alone. A hollow may attack you." I caught onto want he was hinting at, and I sighed in defeat.

"Yeah, I know... I guess you're tagging along then." I paused, and my gaze found its way to the letter once again. "But before that, there's something I have to do, if you don't mind."

Toshiro nodded, and he brought up a topic that I found surprising. "You were very close to this friend of your's weren't you?"

A small smile came to my face, but I didn't turn my head to face him. I just kept my gaze on the stars that were slowly starting to fade away. Morning light was beginning to take a hold of the sky, as the darkness changed into light.

"I guess you can say that. Its ironic though. I used to hate her guts when we first met." I didn't know why I was sharing this intimate information with him, it was something I have never told anyone. "But she proved to be the one person who never abandoned me. Ayame knew me better then anyone else, including myself. She always knew when something was wrong, and I could never hide anything from her." I swallowed, and I felt tears coming again. It was embarrassing, I hadn't shed a tear in ages before yesterday.

My hands turned into fists and I banged them onto the kitchen table. "She meant the world to me!" Anguish was filled within my voice, as I yelled out. I shook my head from side to side, "And I left her down! I let her die in my arms, and like a little fool I wasn't able to do anything to save her! If only I had been stronger..." I turned to Toshiro, and I wonder what else was evident in my face, because he frowned. "What kind of friend am I?! Her soul, wherever it might be, must be filled with hate and disappointment."

Toshiro walked closer to me, and his gaze was not on me for a moment. He chose his words carefully, "I don't think that was true. You're too hard on yourself. If you meant just as much as you say she meant to you, I know for sure that she wouldn't like seeing you like this. If anything, I don't believe she would blame or hate you for anything."

I looked up at his concerned face, and I took a deep breath. Tears had stopped parading down my face, and I was slowly starting to calm down. His words made sense...a bit.

"Just don't blame yourself for her death, that's the worst you can do." His amazing colored eyes finally met mine, and I couldn't bring myself to look away. "You don't seem like a person who easily gives up. Don't let go of that faith you had so strongly in your friend."

Toshiro's words were comforting, something I hadn't expected, nor received from anyone else since Ayame's death. I stood up, and the sun had risen. Light flooded in through the window, and the cold that the winter night had brought slowly faded away, and was replaced with a little warmth from the sun.

"You know, you're actually alright for a shinigami. Thanks kiddo." I placed my hand on top of his head and messed with his hair.

I saw him getting annoyed, and he yelled out, "I'm not a kid!"

I giggled slightly, and I smirked at him. I'm guessing this short taicho wasn't used to such audacity. Too bad, if he was planing to hang around here, he was going to get used to it.

I looked over to the sun, Toshiro's rant went on and on, but his words just went in one ear and out the other. My smirk hadn't come off my face, and I now knew what I had to do.