Right Here Waiting

Right Here Waiting -Toushirou Hitsugaya Story #9-

The Stubbornness Of One's Heart

If there was one thing that I would never admit until my death, it would be this.

I missed that stupid, short, captain. I missed Toshiro, I mean.

It's not that I liked him or anything... It was just... I missed having someone around. Everything in my house was vastly empty. It always felt cold, and my old habits kicked in.

I started roaming around the town again. I was ditching school. I also got fired from my job, which was no surprise really, since I had not showed up in such a long time, and the fact that my grades were in the gutter. I would need to find a new job, and soon.

It was snowing again, all week it had been snowing, and now I really wished I had bought gloves or maybe a new scarf.

I haven't been keeping my word to Toshiro either. It made me feel a bit guilty that I wasn't taking my medicine like I had agreed to, but it just wasn't like me. . . I just couldn't drink that stuff.

At the moment, I totally regretted it. Right there in front of all the Christmas shoppers, I burst into a terrible coughing fit. I earned strange looks from random people passing by. I thought it would pass soon, just like all the other times before. Just like other times, my throat burned, and I felt like some unknown forces was squeezing the air out of my lungs, not allowing me to breathe. But the very moment I felt myself becoming light headed, I knew that this wasn't just another coughing fit. No, my cough virus had gotten much, much worse. Everything was blurring around me, and I fell onto the icy cold pavement.

***

I awoke to a blinding white ceiling. I groaned inwardly, sensing that I was in a hospital. And sure enough, when I looked around, it was indeed, a hospital. It was foreign to me, I don't think I had ever been to this hospital specifically. Maybe it was that one that was owned by the Ishida family.

When the door opened, I cursed at the machine that was monitoring my heart rate. As my mother stepped inside, with a concerned expression that looked strange on her face, my heart did a really weird thing. And thanks to that stupid machine, my mother knew all about it.

I wouldn't call it a heart attack, because my heart rate went up, but it sure as hell felt like it stopped. And guess what? That stupid machine kept going at it-- no matter how much I willed my heart to stop putting my fear out on stage. I think my mother pretended not to notice.

"Oh, Hikaru, sweetie you're awake. Thank goodness. " She strolled over to me, placing her cold hand on my arm. My body visibly tensed. I met her gaze for a second, than after swallowing, I forced my gaze away. I hoped not looking at her would slow down my heart. It did-- sort of.

"Where am I? How did I get here?" I choked out, my mouth and throat feeling immensely dry.

I heard my mother settle into a chair that was next to my bed. "Well they said you collapsed in public, and someone called an ambulance. They brought you here, and one of the nurse's found your school ID. "

I felt myself biting the inside of my cheek. Stupid ID card. It must have been in my pocket. I'll have to get rid of it ASAP.

"They looked you up and contacted me. Hikaru, don't you know you are very sick? If you continue to ignore it, its going to kill you!"

"I don't think I mind that much. There's nothing important for me here. There are people waiting for me, and if I die, they won't have to wait anymore." My voice was even, and I allowed myself to glance over at her, if only to see her reaction to my words. I had thought for sure that it would anger her and she would storm out.

But she didn't.

My mother gave me a hard look, and pressed her lips tightly together. After a moment, she turned to the door. "I'll see what I can do to let them release you. Then we can go home." Her white heals clicked against the tile floor as she walked out.

"No. I... can't go."

Just as her hand reached for the door knob, she shook her head. "Nonsense. You're coming home and that's that."

I gave up on trying to argue as she walked on out, closing the door behind her. From this moment on, I would hold the largest grudge against Ishida Ryuken. It's all his fault that I ended up back in my old house. If only he hadn't signed off an ok, I would be back home watching TV, waiting for Toshiro to come back. He was going to come back... right?

****

It felt strange to be back inside the house I grew up in. The furnishings had all be changed, but the layout had not changed. Memories of the past flooded in my head, both uninvited and unwanted.

My mother led me to my old room, and I nearly died of shock. Nothing was changed inside of it. My small room was exactly the same it had been the day I left. The drawers were still open because I had not bothered to close them since I was in such a rush.

My jade eyes reluctantly sneaked a peak at my mothers face. "Will you clean up please? I'll go make dinner." And she just turned and left, with an awkward pat on my shoulder. I stood still for a couple of seconds, making sure that she wouldn't just turn around and result to violence as I always remembered her doing. But she did nothing of the sort.

It was strange, very strange.

Maybe Sai was right. Maybe my mother really had changed. Ever since I saw her that day I came back with Toshiro, she has done nothing to make me think otherwise.

My legs moved me across my room and to my old bed. I sat down on it, letting the view of my room in. That night Ayame saved me. . .

"Where are we going to go?" My hands worked fast to fold clothes into a large duffel bag. The smell of burning carpet had reached my nose. I wrinkled it in distaste. Ayame had flung a lit candle onto the floor in order to distract my mother long enough to allow us enough time to pack most of my clothes and leave. I'm guessing she still hadn't put it out .

"Don't worry about it. Just focus on getting as much clothes as you can." She stood up and walked over to the bed where two bags were already waiting. "Is this everything?" She asked, her red hair in her face.

My eyes scanned the room and I nodded. "Yeah, lets go."

I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting there with my hands in my lap, but I heard my mothers voice calling out to me. "Hikaru, dinner is ready." The moment I heard her yell out my name, I got up with a jolt, out of old habit. Hearing her yell out my name also brought back unpleasant memories, and I tried to push them back into the back of my mind.

I descended the stairs and sat at the wooden table where my dinner was already served. I sat down hesitantly, and took a look around. "Where's Sai and father?"

My mother sat down at the head of the table and gave me a familiar look, one that caused me to flinch. It was always the one she gave me when she was annoyed with me. It caused me to remember one of the rules I used to live by in this house.'Never speak unless spoken to.' Of course I hardly obeyed, seeing as I always faced the consequences.

My mother attacked her cooked carrot, chewed and swallowed. "Your brother is at an interview, and your father is working late tonight." Her voice was stern, and final. For some unknown reason I didn't press the subject as I would normally do, but I instead kept quiet. I honestly didn't know what it was.

As I ate, the food lost its flavor, and felt strange-- almost out of place in my mouth. Was it fear that had kept me from responding back? Had my mother truly affected me in such a negative way?

But. . . My mother had changed. I think I was starting to believe Sai.

After dinner, I washed the dishes out of habit, and hesitated to sit next to my mother on the couch. It took me a bit to speak. "Why is my room still the way I left it?"

I felt my mother stiffen, and she stared at the television. "Sai didn't want me to change anything. He felt certain that you would come to your senses and come back." I felt myself inch back as she turned to me. "Wasn't he surprised?"

There was something in her tone of voice that I didn't really like. I should had taken it as a warning of what was to come.

My mother stood up abruptly, and walked away into the kitchen. She had an empty glass in her hand, so I just thought she was going to use it for some water.

I was wrong.

CRASH!

The noise made me jump. Almost every noise in this house did.

CRASH! CRASH!

"Mother?" My voice was quiet. I wasn't even sure if I heard my own voice. I walked over to the entrance of the kitchen cautiously, and saw her throwing dishes I had left to dry onto the floor. The sound of porcelain breaking against the floor was making me get a headache. I felt my brow crease in confusion. "What are you doing?"

She shrugged and dropped another dish.

CRASH!

"You didn't wash these well enough. They're dirty."

CRASH!

The noise made me flinch again. "But that doesn't mean you have to break them. It's a bit..... Extreme."

The pretty porcelain plate that the woman held shattered on the floor. "Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do?!"

My eyes widened as I saw her fling a glass at me. I had just enough time to lean away from it, and it shattered against the wall. However, this hindered my line of sight, and I couldn't react fast enough to dodge the pan that was coming straight at me. It painfully slammed right into the side of my head, and its contents fell all over me.

Alfredo pasta.

"Mother! What are you doing?"

The whole room swirled, it was difficult to keep my vision straight. Sai came into view, and he went straight to my mother.

I didn't waste anything in standing up , unbalanced, and very wobbly made my way upstairs tripping over a step or two along the way. I struggled into the bathroom, and felt my dinner coming up. Once my stomach had emptied itself, forcibly, into the toilet, I turned on the shower, and stripped off my clothes. I sat on the floor of the tub, letting the water fall on me, trying to get my sight to stop blurring so much. My head felt tender where the pan had made contact.

I hugged my knees close to me, trying to drown out the voices that were arguing downstairs. The cold water usually calmed me down, but this time it was of no help. My thoughts still ran in circles.

And there was this odd feeling in my chest. It hurt.

Hugging the towel close to me, I stepped out cautiously from the bathroom. "Well then, I'll just go see your father then." It was my mothers voice, and I heard the clicking of her heels. The door slammed shut a few moments later. I let out a sigh of relief, knowing she was gone, if only for a moment.

In the dark I got some clothes on, just as I was going to pull on my shirt, the moonlight that was bouncing off the mirror in my room caught my attention. My reflection was staring back at me, with a dull expression. I turned away from it, and when I glanced over my shoulder, the reflection of my back startled me.

I knew I had scars from my mothers beatings, but somehow now they looked much more worse, and I took a deep breath.

"Did she do that to you?" The person's voice made me jump. I hated how I kept doing that in this house. Being back here made me jumpy and easily freaked. My eyes searched for the source of the voice, which I had recognized as Toshiro's . He was sitting on the windowsill. Toshiro jumped inside, and walked over to the center of my room, a few feet away from me. I swallowed, not liking that was he was staring at my back. He was disturbed, I could easily tell.

I tired to shrug it off as it was nothing. "They are merely disciplinary gifts from my mother." I announced flatly.

Toshiro rand his hand through his hair."So this is why you didn't want me to let you come back." He sighed, "Let's go then. It's not safe for you here. Your own mother can kill you."

My shirt almost slipped out of my hands. "It's not safe for you here. Your very own mother can kill you." I felt sudden tears fall as my facade fell apart. He was right. Sai was wrong. My mother would never change. What happened earlier was sufficient proof of that.

But it hurt.

Because the sad truth was that I wanted my mother to truly love me. I wanted it with all my heart. Wanted her to be proud of me as she as of Sai. I wanted my mom to treat me like a daughter and do all that corny motherly-daughter stuff. But I noticed my mother wasn't going to grant those wishes anytime soon.

Or ever.

So I just stood there crying, like a little girl I didn't care if Sai was somewhere in the house still. I didn't care if Toshiro as had seen my back, and the fact that I was half naked.

I just wanted my mother to be... My mother.

You would be crying too, if you had just noticed that you had completely lacked a real mother figure in your life. I looked up to Toshiro, and put on my shirt. "Get me out of here..." He nodded, and bean to lead the way out the window.

After taking his hand, which he offered, he spoke again. "You understand why I can't let you stay right?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah. I made you promise remember? You didn't exactly keep your word, but still, thank you."

He jumped down and set me down on the floor gently. We began to walk home, and he messed with my hair. "Your welcome." He continued on ahead, before I complained.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

I blinked, and focused on the floor. "I didn't feel the need to. Besides, what's done is done. I can't change anything. So there's no point in fussing over it."

Within a couple of minutes, we arrived home, and I stepped inside the now warm house. The televison was on, and we walked to the living room. A woman with large breasts (I couldn't help but notice... It makes me wonder if they're fake~ But I'm not going to ask... That's kind of rude. Maybe she'll tell me eventually.), and wavy orange hair sat on the couch, chowing down on my box of chocolates. I felt my jaw dropping.

With a chocolate still in her mouth, she noticed us and waived. "Hellloooo There~!"