Can't Be Saved

As I neared my locker, it was as if the breath was knocked out of me and someone had hit my head with a baseball. My foot slipped and my mind blanked painfully and I found myself falling. I was fainting, losing consciousness rapidly. The exhaustion was too much and my body shut down.

And in a way, I wanted this to happen. I wanted to feel completely numb. Weightless. Pretend I'm not alive. Even if it was only for a few minutes, I wanted to forget everything. And pretend I lived as a princess and my life was perfect. And that wasn't ever going to happen.

I knew no arms where waiting to catch me. So why did I still hope...? I heard a voice. That familiar voice that was smooth and dulcet, like honey. The one that irritated me. I hit the linoleum floor roughly, but my head didn't. It landed somewhere warm.

I squinted my eyes at an attempt to see who it was. Who would actually save me? No one would.

I was staring into these bottomless, deep doe-brown eyes. Alex. My head had landed on his lap/knees. He had slid to catch me. He showed effort to save me. But maybe I didn't want to be saved. Why...? My head swam in confusion. I fought off those dark arms that were wrapping themselves around my mind, trying to submerse me into a black out. I needed to know why.

"Why did...you..come after... me?" I asked with difficulty, forcing my eyelids to stay up. It barely came out. I could already think of his answer: "Because Mr. Roberts told me to." That was the only normal thing. He couldn't have wanted to. That'd be absurd. Because I'm unwanted lonely.

Because no one cares.

"Because I was worried." Those words...they gave me an indescribable feeling. My heart swelled in my chest at those foreign words that have never been directed at me, but my head swam in confusion. The question is: did he mean it? Someone cared. About me. Is this a dream? Am I hallucinating?

"You looked kind of weak and pale and you have bags under your eyes. You pretty much screamed 'exhausted'" he added. Like he knew me. How could he read me so easily? I built up walls to isolate myself, to protect myself and I masked my emotions so no one could get to me, no one could control me. And Alex was like a wrecking ball, and slowly, my bricks are falling down. Even though I'll just rebuild them.

Was he lying?
I think so

I think then, my mind shut down because everything was out.
Like a light.

Warmth surrounded me, in the endless abyss of nothing. I felt warmth. Familiar warmth. And dare I say, I felt an addiction begin. I wanted his warmth to protect me. I was tired of shielding myself.

I wasn't sure what to think of this kind stranger. Maybe it was just what was "the right thing " in his mind. Maybe it didn't count that it was me, he probably would help anyone. I didn't exactly doubt that possibility. Because I wasn't anything special. And I don't think anyone would go out of their way to help me in any way. It was a thought that I didn't even come across.

But Alex... He was there. He saved me. His arms- or technically, legs- had caught me when I fell. Someone finally caught me.

It was a dramatic change from always being ignored and sneered upon. The teasing had stopped except for a few individuals. Now they mostly just ignore or make faces. I honestly liked being teased better because I was recognized; because I was there.

Who the hell are you, Alex?
~*~

Who the hell is this girl?

She is so fucking strange.

If she carries on being this way, I'd probably stay.

Like an addiction.

Back in the classroom, it seemed like when Jack and I sat beside her, everyone turned to look at us in shock, as if we committed some crime. Why do people ignore her? What's so wrong about her? Does she do drugs? Is she a slut? I don't think so... "Why the hell are you talking to me?" she had said, and her quiet voice actually sounded confused. I just can't understand why she would be confused with us interacting with her. We just wanted to make a friend

I just wanted to possibly bang her.

She didn't seem hypnotized by my charm; her voice was cold, her face was pretty expressionless.

Her eyes...were by far the most amazing I have ever seen. Its like, one is a sunset and the other is the ocean. You could practically swim in them. They were just...wow.

I'm currently carrying her to the office. Her face looks a lot less...distressed. She looked so peaceful, her lip parted slightly as she slowly breathed in and out, her long eyelashes brushing her pale skin. Her short blond hair was really soft, too.

Like sleeping beauty

And I didn't even know her name. I just know her last name is Ryan.

I'm not sure why I followed her, though. She looked unsteady, and I really don't know. It's as if she was calling out to me; something was pulling me, something was nagging at me. Call it a premonition.

Hopefully, I can befriend her, melt her icy gaze, soften her facial features.