This Is Our War, Our Beautiful Lie

“What are you talking about, Jared?” I asked. He was starting to freak me out a little bit, if you want me to be honest.

“I’m talking about us, against the world. Now, the people will look at us as liars, as people who don’t care about nothing. We gotta get ready, Dannie. They won’t be easy on us. They will judge, and criticize. We must be strong. Do you think you can, Danniele?” He asked, his voice as cold as an iceberg; it made me cry. What had I done to him?

“Jared… you’re very cold, right now. I’m sorry for making this to you. I never meant for you to feel like this. Maybe we should’ve never met. Maybe this is our destiny, maybe we aren’t meant to be…” I said, sadness taking over my face, my voice and my heart. Jared turned to me, and took my hand, as soon as he noticed than; then, he put it on his heart.

“I’m sorry for the coldness… but can you feel this?” He asked me, some tears still leashing from his eyes; I nodded in response. “This beating is for you. I won’t let you go, my love. Never” I took his free hand as well, and put it on my chest, on my heart side.

“I believe in nothing, but the beating of our hearts” I sang, to him.

“I believe in nothing, one hundred suns until we part” he sang, crying. We hugged, and then kissed for a brief second, just needing to feel our warmth on each other.

“I love you” he said. Our heads were very close, so I could feel his breath on my face, making me feel like I was on cloud nine.

“I love you” I replied.

We went to the bed, holding each other’s hand, and then dressed out; but, this time, we just slept [no sex involved and no inappropriate touching] in our underwear; we were too tired to do anything else; all this drama was starting to get on our nerves.

I woke up confused, 'cause Jared wasn't on the bed, with me. I sat on the bed, willing to get up and look for him, when someone knocked on the door; I pulled up the blankets, not wanting anyone to see my naked body besides my love.

“Yes?” I asked; Jared entered the room with our breakfast, in a board.

“You're an idea stealer; you know that, don't you?” I said, laughing as he shifted closer to the bed, smiling towards me.

“Just sometimes; most of the time I'm pretty original, or there wouldn't be any songs for Thirty Seconds To Mars” he stated, and sat beside me, the board in our middle.

“True, true; so, what are we going to eat?” I asked as I looked at the board; it all seemed very delicious.

“Hum, some toasts, juice, and I brought some sugar for you” he answered, his tone of voice being a little over-excited for a simple breakfast.

“Sugar?” I asked, perplex. “I don't see any sugar.”

“Yes, sugar” he replied, and kissed me; now I understood what sugar he was talking about! Damn me for telling him those things…

“Oh, that sugar...” I smiled towards him, as soon as our lips parted. After that, we both ate [well, mostly, I ate; he only hate two of the six toasts he brought! That skinny lovely motherfucker] and then, we got up and dressed.

“Baby, I gotta go home, change myself. I'll be back in an hour, okay?” I asked while I was tying my converse.

“Yeah. I'll be here, waiting for you.” He replied; I noticed he hadn’t even got dressed, he was just on his bed, lying down for a bit.

I kissed him quickly, and then made my way out of the room and into the living room.

“You're leaving already?” Shannon asked, suspicious; that guy is always suspicious, seriously.

“I gotta go change myself. I don't feel comfortable using the same clothes from yesterday” I said to him while I waved and passed by him to leave the house; then, it reminded me of the song Jared wrote, for his last album, and started singing it while I was walking home. Suddenly, I felt something on my back. It was a tomato.

“What a hell?” I said, turning. A crowd of teen-aged girls was beside me, more stuff being thrown at me as they walked closer.

“LEAVE JARED, You pervert! You just want him for the fame! LEAVE HIM ALONE!” They screamed at me; I got surprised, and my mouth hung open for a while.

“Do you truly believe in what the news said? Please, girls, believe me, they weren't telling the truth. I love Jared” I said, calmly; it wasn’t going to work, though, if I was going to remain calm while they were screaming at me and throwing me dead vegetables.

“BULLSHIT!” One of them screamed. They came to me, and some of them punched me; I bend over myself and they started to kick me and tore my clothes apart. When they left, I was on the ground, and they're were singing 'Night Of The Hunter' as I bled there, and lied forgotten on that dirty street sidewalk.

I cried, but got up. I was still far from my house, so, I went back to Jared's home; I knocked on the door, and Tomo came to open it, his eyes instantly widening as he saw me.

“Oh my Lord, what happened to you?” He asked, worried.

“Just let me in, Tomo, before anyone else sees me.” I asked, tired and hyperventilating a bit.

He moved out of my away and I got in, passing through the living room without even caring who was there to see me and directly into Jared’s room, which I entered without knocking; I knew he wouldn’t mind, though.

“What the fuck happened to you, Dannie?” He asked, running to me, when I got in the room.

“I was bullied” I cried to him as I fell onto his arms.

“By who?” He was getting angry; very angry. I didn’t want to get him mad at his fans, but I had no strength to think of another reply, other than the truth shall I say.

“Your fans” I replied, tiredness getting over me as I let go of our embrace and sat on the ground, crying.

“Sweet, we'll get through it...” Jared said, kneeling in front of me; not completely, but still.

“No, we won't. Every time we hang out together, they'll just boo us. And I can't take it. Sorry. I'm not strong enough” I said. Truly, I was just looking for some support from his part, but I got surprised; he got up brutally.

“You know what, I'm done with this. You keep saying we're better apart. You keep repeating that, and I'm sick of it! I want more than this. We're over, Danniele. Goodbye” he said to me, really mad; I was shocked, looking at him, while he said all this, but I had to move.

I was getting up, but he was the one who left the room; I was probably being too slow. He slammed the door, and I cried even more. On that day, my heart had been hurt twice: when the fans bullied me, with all those insults and all those kicks and punches, and now; Jared had just broken up with me, taking away from me the only hope I had to get up and get better, and get through it.

“YOU FUCKING LIAR!” I screamed, as a wave of rage flew through me. “You said we'd heal each other... one hundred suns until we part... Another lie, another goodbye...” I whispered, afterwards, crying; again, he had left me. Well, not that he left me the last time, but still…

“Dannie, is everything okay?” Shannon asked, getting inside Jared’s room; he probably had heard me screaming.

“No, Shan; your brother is a fucking liar. He lied to me. He said he would be here. I can't believe him. I wanna die” I cried, as he hugged me; we stayed like that for a while, but then he let go of me and sat beside me.

“Dannie... I know you're not pretty good right now, but you gotta see through his point of view. You keep saying that you're not meant to be, that you should haven't even met. He gets hurt every time you say that” Shannon told me, trying to soothe me, and, at the same time, trying to make me understand.

I looked slightly at him. And I thought about what he said. He was right. I was always being pessimist, telling Jared we were wrong, we didn't belong together. And he was hurt; of course he was! I was always being a dumbass and telling him we should get away from each other; why was I so stupid?

“You're right, Shan. Now, I need a favor.” I asked him; we talked about my idea for a while, and then we told the rest of the guys about it. We prepared everything, and then called the press, which was there not only to talk about the moment, but also to record it; I liked the detail, if I shall say. Soon enough, Tomo called Jared, and asked him to go home, saying there was going to be a band meeting; first part, checked!

We set the stage on the backyard, and the press got in. I didn't change my torn up clothes; I wanted them to see I wasn’t afraid of loving him. Everything was ready; there was only missing Jared. And he got home right when we needed it.

Bianca pulled Jared to the backyard and right when he got in, Shannon and Tomo started playing 'The Kill'. Jared looked confused, seeing all the press there and the stage ready and his band mates on it, and started walking to the stage, thinking he was going to sing; but he stopped as soon as I showed up on stage, the microphone on my hand. I started singing, and Jared was in the middle of the backyard paralyzed, looking at me with a surprised expression.

I went down the stage when I started the second verse, and walked over to Jared, kinda slowly; I got to him just in time to sing to him what I wanted him to hear:
You say you wanted more,
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you!

I had asked the guys to stop playing right there, and they did. Jared looked at me for a while, and then, got away; he ran from there, tearing me down. It was almost night time, and he ran away from me. I broke down right there; I dropped the microphone to the ground, with it making a loud noise, and ran after him. However, I wasn't following him; I was running to the safety of my house. When I got there, though, it wasn’t safe anymore.

“SHIT! MY HOUSE IS BURNING!” I screamed, scared.

I ran inside, through the flames, and went to my room. I was coughing, but I had to pick up the photo that was on my desk; it was the last memory I had from my sister, and I couldn’t let it burn with the flames that were drinking my house; I’d rather those flames ate me alive than taking that photo away from the earth surface forever, turning it into simple ashes. I took it, and I really wanted to left through the door, but the flames were higher and higher, consuming every bit of life that could still be left on my former simple house; it hadn’t got to me, yet, but it would if I didn’t move. I had to go through the window, so I wouldn’t be taken alive. I jumped, and fell on the grass, smoothly, which made me smile; however, I saw someone in front of me, and I actually screamed louder than I thought I could.

“Hey there, Danniele” my sister's killer was walking to me as he said that. “I thought you would die on the flames.”

“It was you?” I asked, crying and trembling; I was sure he didn’t came here with the intention of just setting the house on fire and, seeing as I didn’t die inside of it, letting me go as the winner. No, I was sure he had so bigger plans for me.

“Of course... I just wanted you to die, but, since you're here, we can play a bit...” He was saying; for my luck, we heard the fireman, and he got pretty mad. “Okay, I have no time to play, but I still want you dead. And, after you, is going to be your rock star boyfriend” he got closer, and cut my throat, taking my breath and my blood away from me as the frame with my sister’s photo lied on the ground beside me, while I took my hands to my throat, staining them with a red sticky liquid; my blood.. “Oh, one more thing” he said; then he hit my head. “This one was from your boyfriend. I don't like to be beaten up.”

I wanted to scream for help, to tell anyone he was here, to tell Jared I loved him, but I couldn’t; there was this dark strength pulling me away from that place, onto a sweet yet dark filled place where I could get some rest. I knew that, if I went there, I wouldn’t probably be back again, but I trusted Jared to get me up and bring me to life. He had to do that for me, if he cared enough; I loved him, and I only wished I hadn’t been so stupid as to tell him we should be apart. I wished he was there with me; I wanted to feel his touch as I slipped into darkness, unable to hold onto real life anymore.

Without even hearing anything that warned me the time had come, I fell on the ground, unconsciousness being the only thing I could feel coming over me. Goodbye, world; I hope you’re better off without me, now.